Simply going to the hospital: traumatic

This didnt happen after my first 2 hospitalizations... but i didn't have bipolar then and I didn't have anxiety as bad as i get it now.

My last inpatient visit ended. I went home. That night I vomitted and The following 5 days I was EXTREMELY anxious. I had major irrational fear that I was going to die. From what? who knows. But thats the anxiety. Scared to even move from where I am. Scared to be left alone. All irrational, I know. But I had this after the hospitalization.

Thursday night I went to the psych ER. from 11:30 PM till 5 AM when they let me go home, I felt fine. I began to have nervousness because I didn't want to stay at the hospital but I was scared I was making the wrong decision, to go home and call the doctor again in the morning. Regardless, I went home.
As soon as I got home, I vomitted. And since then I've been having that extreme anxiety again. My 1 mg of Xanax isn't even working!!!!! I just keep hearing these thoughts in my mind saying "Oh my God, I'm going to die"

I have this friend... He said... make it positive. Be strong. I know he's trying to help, but what the hell am I suppose to do with that?

I guess the point of this post is to ask if any of you also feel that simply going to the hospital, despite how helpful it can be, is a traumatic experience.
And to get ideas for this anxiety I am having. Its on the edge of panic attacks. The medication has always helped in the past.

is it the hospital stay itself doing this and this is a purging of the stress? Or is it comforting to have your needs met- as I have found in the regular hospital/ER - and now its overwhelming to have to deal with everyday living?

I'm not sure. It's weird because I know the hospital is safe and helpful but I'm always terrified to go and terrified to leave. The only thing I know is that I rarely get sick and rarely get this degree of anxiety and yet theres a possible pattern that it occurs after simply going to the hospital, whether admitted or not.

I don't have any answers for you , but I am sorry you had to go through this whole ordeal. Just know I am thinking of you and hoping this stops soon. ((((AbeisAbe))))