I don't even know where to start, or why writing here would even help. I don't even know why I'm wasting your time with this post.

[greylove]

melissa............you're not wasting my time. I know you're young and I'm as old as time, but because of our illnesses, we have much in common. I can identify with many of the things you've posted, but I haven't opened up much about them before now. It's starting to get to be toooooo much, to put it mildly. If ever you want to talk to someone who has been there....don't hesitate. I understand more than many.......hugs, grey

(((( Melissa )))) you are never a waste of time!

Thank you for your replies.

I am feeling a bit better today, but am still struggling. For once, it's not really about me. My brother is going through a depression, who was always the "normal" one because he was the only one without mental illness. We even joked about it! But lately he has been struggling...drinking quite a bit to numb the depression...(he even admitted this to me), and expressing concern about how he's feeling. He is 17 years old...he should not be drinking! We live together, just him and I, but we are so close in age that I wouldn't feel right prohibiting him from drinking alcohol...it just doesn't make sense. I'm his sister, not his parent.

He has said that he thinks he wants to see someone to be diagnosed and possibly put on medication, but not making an actual plan to do it. My brother misses school often and is doing poorly, but is working at his job way more than a 17 year old kid in school should be working. But the problem is...we NEED that money, and I can't work. So I feel guilty because he has to work.

The worst thing is...he admitted that he sometimes thought of suicide. He's not serious by any means, but sometimes he'll think about how he'd do it, and how he'd write his suicide notes. And my brother told me he doesn't want me to mention this to any of the family, because he doesn't want to worry anyone (especially my dad, who is currently going through a depressive episode).

I feel so helpless right now. I want to help my brother, he means the world to me...we are so close. But I can't do anything, I can't force him to get help ASAP. He's old enough to make his own decisions. I just...I can't imagine what I would do without him, and there is that part of me that worries that he'll commit suicide one day. I'm used to handling my own depression, but seeing someone else depressed is a million times harder.

I agree that you can't force him to get help but you can certainly push a little. Maybe get some information on doctors in the area? Things like that might be what he needs to finally make the choice to get some help. You're in my thoughts