[tototoo]

Please bear with me for not reading through FAQ’s and forums before posting. In crisis. Starting new meds tonight and have concerns. Sorry for long post. Skip to Today at the end if beginning is TMI for you.

Background
Adult child of drug addicts (both parents)
Brother recovering/relapsing alcoholic
Sister recovering bulimic/anorexic
Hospitalization 20 years ago with breakdown, suicidal.
Long periods of remission with SSRI‘s and counseling
Developed anxiety attacks – form of throwing up in public, while driving etc. – 10 yrs ago.
Long periods of remission with benzo’s and change to SNRI, Effexor.

2003
Effexor dose doubled after post-surgical and situational depression. 1 mo later developed symptoms: tachycardia and spiking BP. Diagnosed with pulmonary hypertension (terminal) and enlarged heart. Plied with atypicals, antipsychotics, super doses of benzos??? They couldn’t make up their minds whether I had an organic heart problem or anxiety. Anxiety attacks were in remission at the time even with the diagnosis of a terminal disease! Could not get them to reason that increased benzos were not effecting heart rate or spiking BP at all. Took a year of visits to 2 major university research centers, risky heart caths, etc. to determine earlier diagnoses inaccurate, but diagnosed Idiopathic Tachycardia Syndrome (read: your heart has been racing for a year, but we don’t know why) Wanted me to undergo ablation. Of course they had my med lists all this time. I fired all of them including local doctors who made original diagnosis. Found godsend, family medicine practitioner: “you’re doctors haven’t been listening to you.” Helped me taper off all psychotropics,exception: put me on Celexa (good) and kept me on large dose benzos (bad.) Conclusion: Effexor was the culprit all along. It raises heart rate 4 beats/min on average. I am an outlier, sensitive to norepinephrine effects.

Current Meds and Recent Patterns
Meds managed by new nurse practitioner seen since Jan 2009.
40 mg/day Citalopram (Celexa) for depression (same for years) - upped to 60 mg/day 4 months ago because anxiety attacks and depression back – trigger: multi-faceted, extremely stressful, situational events.
2mg/day Clonazepam (Klonapin) for anxiety attacks again out of remission for 4 mos. Made my way down from 6mg/day over course of last two years.
New NP noticed rapid speech, tangential thinking and speaking. I’ve reported perfectionistic, multi-tasking, mind-racing mode and anxiety attacks coming out of remission esp. during last 4 mos.

Suggested in last couple years by NP and also my therapist, may be bipolar. I can see possibility because of the ways SSRI’s made me more outgoing, talkative, mind racing. Pattern, last couple of years: I have bursts of creativity (writer, poet, painter, software engineer) which end in burnout then I abuse alcohol and cigarettes to cope. This works for a few days then I get sick so I abstain for a few days and then my mind starts racing again. I have reported episodic alcohol abuse to therapist, but not to NP (stupid, but I don’t want to lose my 2mg klonapin.)

Today
Close to another breakdown, suicidal – trying to avoid hospitalization
2 Weeks ago caught alcoholic narcissistic BF/SO, of 7 years, cheating. Left. Trying to cut off all ties except talks about getting my things from our condo. He has started a new relationship with this woman which makes me crazy. Mind racing about BF and his new GF. Spinning on these tracks and can’t stop it. Can’t eat or sleep even though taking my meds (Citalopram, and Clonazepam) plus my long-term regimen for sleep - diphenhydramine 50mg, melatonin 5 mg. Have lost 14 lbs in 2 weeks. Some nights I don’t sleep at all. In attempt to put my life on new course, 12 days ago, had my last cigarette and alcohol.

Finally went to NP (Nurse Practitioner) today.
Put me on Lithium 300mg to start tonight and trazedone ¼ - 1 100 mg for sleep.

Concerns about Lithium: 1) Cannot gain weight. Gained 50 lbs on Remeron during 2003 debacle and have never lost it except now 14 lbs. NP told me some people lose weight on lithium gave me choice of Abilify or Lithium, pushed for lithium said would start working faster and risk of weight gain less – some lose weight on lithium??? Friend gained tremendous amount of weight on Abilify.

2) Loss of creativity – never heard that one before, I know

I’m okay with some side-effects in the short-term, just to get over betrayal and to start sleeping and eating again. Know I can't go on like this much longer. Worried about long term effects.

Concerns about Trazedone – concerned about not getting REM sleep, although I’m not getting any now, anyway. Again, okay in short term, but am vivid dreamer and journaler – don’t want to lose that.

Would kill myself if thought it would solve my problems but, unfortunately for me, I believe in karmic ramifications in the next life. Also I know that it is difficult to succeed.

[Yoda]

You are so very right that killing yourself solves nothing. I believe in karma also.

I took trazadone for awhile and I slept well while I was taking it but about a half hour after I took it I felt some chest pressure. I doubt it was cardiac in origin but nevertheless it was disconcerting so my doc stopped the trazadone.

I took lithium for awhile but my pdoc at that time only checked my blood levels once and I became toxic. Many people do well on lithium though.

I am glad you have joined psychcentral and I hope you find the site helpful.

[Raindropvampire]

I'm afraid I'm not much help. The only drug that you have listed that I've been on is Trazodone. I usually have to take about 300-400mgs but it puts my lights out and I can't remember my dreams so it's good. It sounds like you want to remember your dreams. I would definitely start out at the 1/4 for the Traz so you can slowly move up to where you are comfortable. For what it's worth one of my friends was on Lithium and she lost about 30lbs. It just killed her appetite. I wish you good luck

[manicminer]

Originally Posted by tototoo

Please bear with me for not reading through FAQ’s and forums before posting. In crisis. Starting new meds tonight and have concerns. Sorry for long post. Skip to Today at the end if beginning is TMI for you.

Background
Adult child of drug addicts (both parents)
Brother recovering/relapsing alcoholic
Sister recovering bulimic/anorexic
Hospitalization 20 years ago with breakdown, suicidal.
Long periods of remission with SSRI‘s and counseling
Developed anxiety attacks – form of throwing up in public, while driving etc. – 10 yrs ago.
Long periods of remission with benzo’s and change to SNRI, Effexor.

2003
Effexor dose doubled after post-surgical and situational depression. 1 mo later developed symptoms: tachycardia and spiking BP. Diagnosed with pulmonary hypertension (terminal) and enlarged heart. Plied with atypicals, antipsychotics, super doses of benzos??? They couldn’t make up their minds whether I had an organic heart problem or anxiety. Anxiety attacks were in remission at the time even with the diagnosis of a terminal disease! Could not get them to reason that increased benzos were not effecting heart rate or spiking BP at all. Took a year of visits to 2 major university research centers, risky heart caths, etc. to determine earlier diagnoses inaccurate, but diagnosed Idiopathic Tachycardia Syndrome (read: your heart has been racing for a year, but we don’t know why) Wanted me to undergo ablation. Of course they had my med lists all this time. I fired all of them including local doctors who made original diagnosis. Found godsend, family medicine practitioner: “you’re doctors haven’t been listening to you.” Helped me taper off all psychotropics,exception: put me on Celexa (good) and kept me on large dose benzos (bad.) Conclusion: Effexor was the culprit all along. It raises heart rate 4 beats/min on average. I am an outlier, sensitive to norepinephrine effects.

Current Meds and Recent Patterns
Meds managed by new nurse practitioner seen since Jan 2009.
40 mg/day Citalopram (Celexa) for depression (same for years) - upped to 60 mg/day 4 months ago because anxiety attacks and depression back – trigger: multi-faceted, extremely stressful, situational events.
2mg/day Clonazepam (Klonapin) for anxiety attacks again out of remission for 4 mos. Made my way down from 6mg/day over course of last two years.
New NP noticed rapid speech, tangential thinking and speaking. I’ve reported perfectionistic, multi-tasking, mind-racing mode and anxiety attacks coming out of remission esp. during last 4 mos.

Suggested in last couple years by NP and also my therapist, may be bipolar. I can see possibility because of the ways SSRI’s made me more outgoing, talkative, mind racing. Pattern, last couple of years: I have bursts of creativity (writer, poet, painter, software engineer) which end in burnout then I abuse alcohol and cigarettes to cope. This works for a few days then I get sick so I abstain for a few days and then my mind starts racing again. I have reported episodic alcohol abuse to therapist, but not to NP (stupid, but I don’t want to lose my 2mg klonapin.)

Today
Close to another breakdown, suicidal – trying to avoid hospitalization
2 Weeks ago caught alcoholic narcissistic BF/SO, of 7 years, cheating. Left. Trying to cut off all ties except talks about getting my things from our condo. He has started a new relationship with this woman which makes me crazy. Mind racing about BF and his new GF. Spinning on these tracks and can’t stop it. Can’t eat or sleep even though taking my meds (Citalopram, and Clonazepam) plus my long-term regimen for sleep - diphenhydramine 50mg, melatonin 5 mg. Have lost 14 lbs in 2 weeks. Some nights I don’t sleep at all. In attempt to put my life on new course, 12 days ago, had my last cigarette and alcohol.

Finally went to NP (Nurse Practitioner) today.
Put me on Lithium 300mg to start tonight and trazedone ¼ - 1 100 mg for sleep.

Concerns about Lithium: 1) Cannot gain weight. Gained 50 lbs on Remeron during 2003 debacle and have never lost it except now 14 lbs. NP told me some people lose weight on lithium gave me choice of Abilify or Lithium, pushed for lithium said would start working faster and risk of weight gain less – some lose weight on lithium??? Friend gained tremendous amount of weight on Abilify.

2) Loss of creativity – never heard that one before, I know

I’m okay with some side-effects in the short-term, just to get over betrayal and to start sleeping and eating again. Know I can't go on like this much longer. Worried about long term effects.

Concerns about Trazedone – concerned about not getting REM sleep, although I’m not getting any now, anyway. Again, okay in short term, but am vivid dreamer and journaler – don’t want to lose that.

Would kill myself if thought it would solve my problems but, unfortunately for me, I believe in karmic ramifications in the next life. Also I know that it is difficult to succeed.

Wow, and I thought i had it bad. I know sorry doesn't cut it, but i'm terribly sorry u went through all that.

One thing I can leave you with: killing yourself wouldnt solve anything no matter what you beleive in. All you'd be searching for is sweet releif. Well, my friend, you can't feel that releif you've been searching for if you are dead.

Good luck and best wishes

We are all in this together

[roads]

Everyone's chemistry is different, which is why lab followup is so important when we first go on these drugs--or at least a close watch for side effects.

I've been on a couple things for sleep & both wiped out all memory of dreams initially, but slowly they all came back. I've worked with my dreams for nearly 20 yrs, & I think that discipline came thru the drugs after a while. Most people don't remember the majority of their dreams anyway.

I believe in karma & reincarnation. Suicide I'm sure would be something I'd regret for many lifetimes to come. Just gotta do the work, I think. So welcome to PC. Might as well have understanding company while we toil away <grin>.

[~Christina]

Sooo sorry you are going thru all this mess ....

Im very glad you have found this site ,,,Its Amazing the support you will find.

Stick with your meds for right now ,, just move thru the crisis and know tomorrow is going to be better .

Welcome to PC and enjoy the support .

Wishing you Peace and Love ~

I've been on lithium for almost six years. I have not gained a single pound although I did on abilify. I did get toxic once in the begging but it was caught quickly and resolved. I get slight hand tremors, memory problems, definate Loss of creativity or harder to channel. Trazadone tho made me manic and was just no good for me.

Just keep with the meds and keep hanging in there. I'm glad you found us here at PC keep on posting, we're here for you.

[nacht]

I've take trazodone before, 400mg for sleep. It knocked me right out and muted my dreams for a while, but it was worth the rest and once I got used to it the dreams came back.

I haven't gained a noticeable amount of weight on Abilify. I did experience akathisia at 20mg (only time I've ever suffered side effects from anything I've taken, it was very annoying) so I went back down to 15mg and it was fine.

Welcome to PC! I hope you enjoy it here. I have; everyone is so nice and helpful.

[tototoo]

Thanks everyone for the generous advice and support! I'm going to go ahead and start the lithium and trazedone tonight. I still have some decision making capacity. You can only go without sleep for so long before you lose that. Will more briefly introduce myself in the welcome forum tomorrow and report back here tomorrow as well.

[Moose72]

I'm on lithium. Didn't gain. Did on depakote. Now on Zyprexa- have bee working out in judo 3x a week- trying to keep my weight under control. Used to take trazodone- deep crazy sleep. Too deep. Too long. Switched to Ativan.

[kindachaotic]

(((Tototoo))) Hope the new meds are going ok.

Take care & keep us posted.

[ohlala]

I've been taking 300-400 mgs.Trazadone for years. I doubt I could sleep without it. I've recently been tapering my dose as P-doc suggested I might not need that amount. It has never interfered with my dreams. As a matter of fact, my dreams (and nightmares) are like sagas, mini-series, ministries! One thing I would suggest is "powering down" with the TV and computer about an hour before bed. Then take the traz 30 minutes before you want to sleep. Read in bed, etc. I've found Trazadone has a "window" in which it works most effectively and if you miss that window getting to sleep may take longer or not come at all.