[ItsmeTC8888]

I have been dealing with bipolar for most my life. I am 43 and only diagnosed for about 6 years. Took me 3 years to believe it and since I have accepted it I have been on my way to recovery. I am repairing a lot of damage in my life and have made a lot of progress that I can clearly see, yet I am still afraid of what the future hold. I still have a hard time having confidence in my abilities. My friends and family have a lot of confidence in me and are frustrated with my pessimism. What I could use is some success stories with examples of how you overcame obstacles such as career and education. I have been on social security for a while now and want off, yet I am scared of losing the security of a check each month. I am in college part time and want to test my abilities so I just took a part time job as a cashier. I have been know to self destruct in the past. I am so scared because stress induces depression and mania. I look forward to hearing your success story. I am on a One day I believe I can do it and the next I know I am going to fail.

[dragonfly2]

Hi ItsMe - welcome to PC.

I'm glad you're feeling well enough to try to work again. That's a big step. How is it going? What are you studying in college?

I'm 41 and know how you are feeling right now. I went on disability at the age of 30 with a new bipolar diagnosis and, like you, it took some time to get back on my feet again. Three years into disability, I felt well enough again and went back to work full time. There are so many safety nets now with Social Security, it's worth the risk if you're feeling up to it. Are you familiar with the Ticket to Work program? I've posted extensively about it in other threads (and I think people may be tired of hearing me go on about it, lol...), but if you need information on it, let me know. I was able to work in a very technical and demanding job for about seven years with just a couple of setbacks. Even though I am back on disability now, I am very proud of the seven years I was able to do it again. Many people never go back on disability after returning to work. I've got dissociative issues besides the bipolar, so I think that made it even harder for me to continue. But you may very well go back to work and never look back. But through the Ticket to Work program, even after working for seven years, I was able to get my benefits reinstated pretty quickly. And you get to keep your Medicare for almost eight years after you go back to work.

Even though I am back on disability, I do consider myself a success story. Six months before I went back to work, I was one signature from being sent to a State Hospital for six months. I had also lost my children to the state because of a bad postpartum OCD episode. I went back to work and had a successful career and my family was eventually reunited. I learned to manage my bipolar very well, and was able to keep myself safe when I didn't feel well. I learned about my rights in the workplace and was my strongest advocate when I needed to be. Going back on disability last year wasn't a failure in my eyes. It was a controlled, mature decision to do what was best for my family and my health and I have no regrets.

If you feel like you can do it, it's worth the risk.

[roads]

dragonfly!

You & Itsme: You are both success stories. You engage with life, & when setbacks knock you down you try again. Yeah, maybe with some doubts--but it's in the doing that we progress. And that's success.

Ticket to Work is a great program. I've worked/volunteered with people who've made comebacks thru it. Good to know about Medicare too. Is that national, or by state? Getting back on social security quickly is important too.

As for the teeter-todder, look at it this way, Itsme: Come on here every day. When you're feeling in a failing space, we'll remind you it's just the bipolar phase & of all you can do when you're back in sync. On your "can-do" days, you'll reach out & help one of us get thru the day.

I think all of us on PC are success stories, every time we're here trying--one more time.

[manicminer]

My last boss was dx'd bp in his late teens while trying to go to college. He had to drop out and was on lithium for many years before switching drugs to save his kidneys from further damage. In that time he started his own hay business, got married, had 3 sucessful children, and now at nearly 60, is medication free.

He is my inspiration and I hope I can follow in his footsteps.

[dragonfly2]

Originally Posted by roadrunnerbeepbeep

Good to know about Medicare too. Is that national, or by state? Getting back on social security quickly is important too.

Medicare is national. And the nice thing about getting back on disability is that if you're in your 5-year Expedited Reinstatement Period and get sick again, they'll pay your benefit for up to six months while they do your review to see if you qualify for permanent benefits. And you don't have to pay it back if they deny you. The whole process took me two months (going to the SS office, filing all the forms, etc) and I think it would have been sooner if my doctor had gotten his report in more quickly. After they finally got my doctor's report, it literally took them a day to approve me.

Manicminer: it's good to hear about stories like your former boss. People like him are inspirational.

[lad007]

Hello! I am so glad for you that you are getting an education! Try to live for today and not worry about the future. The fact that you are branching out, and have also have a job shows you are pushing yourself, and testing your limits.
I work as a social worker, successful career, and will be honest I do struggle with working at times. Stress can make me feel bad, but I do things to take care of myself like exercising at the gym, talking to my husband, scheduling some down time, taking vacations. It is manageable if you take it in small chunks, a day at a time.
So keep going sounds like you are doing great!

[Secretum]

Wow, Dragonfly, I didn't know your history, and I truly can say that you are a success story! Very impressive! Manicminer, thanks for the story about your ex-boss. I'm in college now, and I can't shake the feeling that if I mess up now I'll be screwed for the rest of my life. Apparently that's not necessarily true...

Roadrunner, I really wish I could see myself as a success simply because I am fighting. But a large part of me can't stop defining success as an endpoint. I've spent so long thinking that success meant a high salary from a job that would bring me a lot of satisfaction and respect, an attractive and loving spouse that I would absolutely adore, children and pets if we want them, the ability to make a (HUGE) difference in areas where I would like to help, and, perhaps most importantly...the ability to look myself in the eye in the mirror in the morning and know that I am strong, smart, beautiful, and capable. If I were to be a success, I would literally have a Global Assessment of Functioning score near 100. It's basically a fairy tale. And did I mention that older, successful, fairytale me is also the author of several published novels? Haha. I need to be more realistic.

I don't ever think of my life as particularly successful but after dropping out of college my freshman year, due to a whole host of issues, probably rooted in bipolarism, depression, social anxiety, ADD, you name it-I spent 12 years at sea and eventually got a captain's license. I don't think I had the mental discipline to do something like this before then or I would have done so. Tried to return to school twice and failed. College isn't for everyone after all. But I did finally get some classes I needed and spent several months in intensive study mode (thanks to my mom). When I started to study celestial navigation it was as if I had fallen in love, with stars. And though I don't use those skills any longer, I have a whole storehouse of metaphors to use in my writing. I have struggled the past 5-6 yrs, as detailed in my profile but somehow managed to hold it together, keep my license, keep working and the vehicle that is me is slowly, inexorably pulling out of the long skid that is bipolarism. Success to me is measured one day at a time. Be tortoise-like and you will ultimately find your own measure of success.

[ItsmeTC8888]

Thanks Dragonfly,

You are a success story. I respect the decision you made to go back on social security also. I must have been a hard decision. I don't know about anyone else here but living on social security is so depressing in itself because I can't afford to be independent. Since I have been on social security I have had to live with someone, always, because I can't afford to live on my own. Even living with someone my funds are so limited that I can rarely do something fun for myself to keep myself from getting depressed to much. I firmly believe in acting as if I am happy in order to get to that place. With my bipolar I am more depressed than manic.

I am studying business administration in college now. And the current position I took is a cashier at a liquor store because I live in such a small town that there are not my secretary jobs that I could start with to get my foot in the door. And the ones that are here require 1 year experience. I found getting any job after not working for about 8 years very difficult if not impossible.

Thank you for your post. Can I stay in contact with you for further support? I really need someone I can get to know and let get to know me. I think you can have contacts here. I am just not sure how. I would like to get the most out of this forum because I am finding less and less support from my family and friends because they think because I have come so far that I am well and I still struggle much more that they realize. I just don't let it show because of my firm belief that acting as if everything is normal is the key to my success.

I do know a little about the ticket to work program but I still have a lot of questions and a couple special circumstances that I am concerned with. How can I find your previous thread about it?

[ItsmeTC8888]

You are right roadrunner. All of us who try are success stories. And thanks for the advice about sticking around here on psychcentral. I think I will, I really enjoy having a place to communicate with people who are in the same boat as me.
I psychcentral

[dragonfly2]

Originally Posted by ItsmeTC8888

Can I stay in contact with you for further support? I really need someone I can get to know and let get to know me. I think you can have contacts here. I am just not sure how.

Absolutely. I've accepted your friend request. Feel free to PM me any time.

I do know a little about the ticket to work program but I still have a lot of questions and a couple special circumstances that I am concerned with. How can I find your previous thread about it?

Here's a link to the other thread:

http://forums.psychcentral.com/showt...80#post2079980

I think it's great that you've gone back to school and have found a job. I hope it goes really well for you. Did you know that you can earn up to $1000 a month (before taxes) without it counting as a trial work month?

Every day, you are writing your own success story. Whether it's through getting yourself to work and school every day, or for those of us who simply getting into the shower is a measure of success, it's one day at a time like gulas said.

[BlackPup]

I was stable for about a year but recently hit a downturn... I'm still living and working despite the depression so I class that as a real success. Mostly I'm pretty stable on my meds but occasionally I get a little down and struggle for a while.
Best wishes on your journey, you can do it, you just need someone to hold your hand some of the time. That's what we are all here for.

[Butterflies Are Free]

I have had BiPolar II since I was about 14 yrs. old but wasn't diagnosed until I was 23 yrs. old. I struggled on and off with depression and the last 3-4 years were very hard; bouts of severe depression, fatigue, and anxiety. I took a short leave of absence from work at the end of May last year so my doctor could get me off of the two anti-depressants I was on(I also rapid cycle so the antidepressants were not good for me). It was extremely hard to come off of them(it took the entire summer) but by the middle of August, I was feeling better. I cannot tell you what a difference this makes. I have not had any bouts with depression and my mood seems to have stabilized. I also have narcolepsy, restless leg syndrome, and seasonal affective disorder. Everything is under control at this point and I thank God that after almost twenty years, I have been able to survive the fall(and hopefully the winter) without so much depression. I will be keeping you in my thoughts and I just want you to know that an answer is out there for you. I know I will always have BiPolar Disorder and that I might have to deal with some depression again, but it is soooooo much better. Take care!

[ItsmeTC8888]

Originally Posted by Butterflies Are Free

I have had BiPolar II since I was about 14 yrs. old but wasn't diagnosed until I was 23 yrs. old. I struggled on and off with depression and the last 3-4 years were very hard; bouts of severe depression, fatigue, and anxiety. I took a short leave of absence from work at the end of May last year so my doctor could get me off of the two anti-depressants I was on(I also rapid cycle so the antidepressants were not good for me). It was extremely hard to come off of them(it took the entire summer) but by the middle of August, I was feeling better. I cannot tell you what a difference this makes. I have not had any bouts with depression and my mood seems to have stabilized. I also have narcolepsy, restless leg syndrome, and seasonal affective disorder. Everything is under control at this point and I thank God that after almost twenty years, I have been able to survive the fall(and hopefully the winter) without so much depression. I will be keeping you in my thoughts and I just want you to know that an answer is out there for you. I know I will always have BiPolar Disorder and that I might have to deal with some depression again, but it is soooooo much better. Take care!

Thanks butterfly. I also have rapid mood swings and can't take antidepressians. Take care, as I will