[Lil Ant Lady]

i started seeing a guy a couple of months ago. i met him on the internet. he is local to me and we got on really well. he mentioned his ex wife had bi-polar on our first date so as we were on the subject i told him that i did too.

for the first two months he didnt seem phased by it. he said he really liked me and could see him growing really attached to me. he met my kids and everything.

then one day - just out of the blue he stopped talking to me. i tried to get out of him for two days what it was that was the matter. he eventually text after leaving me hanging saying that he was scared because his ex had the bi polar and she wrecked him and he became suicidal himself. he said after 4 years he still couldnt get over what she did to him so he was calling it a day with me.

i told him i felt hurt that he was branding me and assuming that i had all the capabilities that she had

i feel distraught that he dumped me because of this illness and didnt take the time to figure me out as a person. he said he really likes me lots but he cant get out of his head that i have bi polar and so does she.

i feel like this illness is defining me now and i cant hack it

[Moose72]

You two barely know each other. People at your stage of a relationship find it easy to jump ship. There isn't much truly tying you together. I've been the dumped and the dumper. It sounds like he's not very far out of his marriage. Cobwebs up there about her, I'd say.

[Tosspot]

sorry it didn't work out. In my experience people say the're "ok with it" which can be empty. I found the better answer to hear is "i'm not afraid it." I wouldn't take it too personally, cobwebs happen. In college i dated a really abusive guy so after that ended i wouldn't date any man because i was still trying to accept the fact that not all men are abusive, just not all bipolar people are harmful.

[tnlibrarian]

I'm sorry it didn't work out. My husband hasn't bailed--or even mentioned bailing--but my family sure as hell did. My younger brother is the only person who ever asks how I'm doing and really wants to know how I'm coping with the bipolar. The rest of my family slams me when I mention it, acts like it doesn't exist or goes on and on about how my psych doc "stuck that label" on me to keep me coming back so she can make money. Now I don't tell people for the most part. I just told the deacon at our church last night and hoping it won't ruin my friendship with her. We'll see.

[Tosspot]

becca you jsut reminded me, after my dx my mom brought me to a church to have me anointed and the bipolar demons expelled. it didn't work

[tnlibrarian]

I'm Episcopalian so I don't have to worry about that! Our rectors have known since I was diagnosed in March and have been unbelivably supportive. I emailed them last night about this latest crisis and they are very much encouraging me to see my psychatrist, take my meds, enter the hospital if I need it and go to theraphy if needed. Don't get me wrong--they are praying for me and will bless me and pray for healing if I so desire on Sunday. I may also go the Eucharist for Healing one week. But we defiently don't do the whole "exorcise the demons" thing. I always associate that with fundametnalist Baptists, Holiness, Apostolics, etc.

[mgran]

I've been excorcised. didn't work.

Laura. your illness doesn't define you. his fear of it defines him. you're better to find that out now than further down the line. but i know it hurts.

I'm sorry it didn't work out between the two of you. I know it sounds typical to say but it obviously wasn't meant to work out if he won't give you the chance to show him that you aren't like his ex. Hang in there and keep the faith that there is someone out there for you.

[faerie_moon_x]

Truthfully, although it is hard, it is better that it happened this way. Otherwise he might have decided you are exactly like his wife because you have bipolar, too. And then suddenly he's putting stuff on your shoulders that he's carried over from being with her.... People get ideas stuck in their heads about bipolar and what it is and isn't. They don't realize how although we all have similarities we are also very different in our illness. Better to be at the end now than years from now when it would be even more painful.

Hang in there!