[roxyrollercoaster]

My husband told me last night that he wants me to think about whether or not we are ready to start a family. I would like to have children but worry so much about being a good mom. So - I have some questions for those of you that have children.

Did you stay on medication during your pregnancy? If so, did you children have any birth defects?

Do your children show signs of bipolar disorder?

How much do you think the disorder effects your ability to be a good parent?

Ok I'll bite. I was diagnosed but not medicated and in denial when I had my kids. I have three kids all one year between each.

My youngest son displays some mood problems but nothing so big right now that I am overly concerned at the moment. I do keep my eye on him as I did inherit bipolar from my father. My other two are pretty A OK.

Wanting to be modest haha, but honestly I think I'm a pretty good mom. We have a stable home, filled with love and affection, I trust and respect my kids and they trust and respect me. I may not have a lot of money but my kids needs are always met. I think that is where I feel the most guilt, being on disability and money is tight. They have all they need but I cant afford a lot of extracurricular expenses.

My kids are a bit older now, but when they were toddlers I really felt I had to hide my emotional self from them. By that I mean I was feeling like I was a messed up person from my past and that I needed to hide. They are older now and I realize that I don't need to hide who I am, my kids will love me no matter what.

I hope you cone to a conclusion you will both be happy with.

[Trippin2.0]

I was undiagnosed when i had my daughter, but had been suffering for about 4years. My pregnancy was emotionally overwhelming at times (eg crying b/c the chicken in the oven died to feed me, LOL) but looking back, i was hypomanic most of those 9months and i had thee time of my life! Skipping to the present day: i do my best, my daughter is only 7 yet extremely empathetic and intelligent, i've educated her on my bipolar and some days she knows i just need 'me' time. That being said, i try not to let my disorder interfere with her life. At times I feel inadequate (single parent) but those times i touch base with people i trust, like my bf,sister and mom,and the reassure me that i'm doing a great job. So far my daughter shows no sign of MI, but i'll keep watch as she grows up. This disorder does not prevent you from raising a family AND doing a good job, just be sure to have a great support system in place as you will need them from time to time. XOXO

[mgran]

I had my son pre diagnosis, and my mood was all over the place while pregnant. Then after he was born I got the exact opposite of post natal depression... post natal euphoria. I was absolutely full of joy that I had this lovely little person in my life.

I did have some delusions, but nothing that impaired my ability to raise him, and my mental state actually settled for the months I was nursing him in. I wasn't on any meds at the time.

My son is very intelligent, compassionate. Funnily enough, thinking of what Trippin said about the chicken, my son's also a very strict vegetarian.

He is diagnosed with asperger's syndrome (high functioning) and does have a tendency to depression. At times his childhood was very stressful... not all to do with my illness. I think I've been a good Mum, though if I'd known I was ill I'd have been better.

I'm not bipolar, I have schizoaffective with bipolar symptoms.

[AniManiac]

On the other side of the coin, my girlfriend had a tubal after she found out she was bipolar. For awhile she went without meds and tried to get pregnant, but it was too destabilizing, and she felt she couldn't handle it. My husband and I decided we didn't want kids long ago, so he finally got a vasectomy last year.

After my first suicide attempt, I decided that I didn't ever want kids because I didn't want them to have to struggle with MI the way I did. And that was long before I had bipolar on my mind - that was just with the depression and ADHD symptoms! I had such a hard time that I wouldn't wish that on anyone - not my worst enemy, and certainly not someone I'd love. Plus I had never really wanted kids, just assumed that it was my "duty" to have them, so it's not like I felt that I was sacrificing anything.

But good news! Statistically, the likelihood that your kids would be bipolar is actually not as frighteningly high as you might think. "If you have bipolar disorder, your chances of passing it on to your kids average about 9% (14% for major depression.)" - The Bipolar Disorder Survival Guide, p. 85.

However, risk goes up with more MI family members - on average, 25% of your immediate family will have a mood disorder. In my case, it was 100%, so the genetic vulnerability is much higher and the odds that I'd pass on some kind of MI would be several times higher than the average 9%, even though my hubby's family seems completely sane.

[lad007]

Well I think it is exciting that you are considering having a child.
Having a child when you are bipolar is like doing anything else when you are bipolar. We have our own personal challenges with that. I get very stressed when I have not had enough sleep. So going through childbirth and then the years of sleepless nights did take a toll on me. You have to stay up all night when they are sick, even if they are not until they get old enough you don't sleep much, depends on the baby. So that is very demanding. If you have a husband who can help you at night that is great, but a lot of times they need sleep to get up for work, so you end up doing it.
As far as being a good parent, I think I am a good parent, was unstable from time to time, but children are loving and forgiving, and know I am a great grandparent.
Know this may sound odd, but I think I was more engaged with my child as my thinking can be magical and was able to really get on the floor and play and had a lot of fun.
Children have "moody" behavior as they are unable to express themselves yet, and I personally think we are more in tune with that, as that is our lives, and it can make us an excellent and supportive parent.

[tnlibrarian]

Did you stay on medication during your pregnancy? If so, did you children have any birth defects?
I took 150 mg of Lamictal and 150 mg of Wellbutrin SR. I was on Ativan when I found out I was pregnant but I quit it as soon as I found it. David is absolutely perfect--no birth defects or problems of any kind.

Do your children show signs of bipolar disorder?
Thus far, no. Sometimes I wonder about my 7 year old but she's in early puberty so moodiness and crazy behavior is the norm! Typically bipolar will not start showing up until they are in puberty. It's unusual for it to make its appearance in younger children.

How much do you think the disorder effects your ability to be a good parent?
It depends on the day. On most days I feel like it has little, if any, effect on my ability to be a good parent. On other days I'm really short tempered and will yell or get after them more than is really necessary or I'm depressed and let them watch way too much TV. I have never hit my children beyond a smack on the butt or abused them in any way. The one time I felt things might go in that direction I was suicidal and walked into an ER and asked for help. If I ever feel that way again I will get immediate help.

If you want a family, discuss it with your psychatrist (with your husband there) and your OB. Both told me bipolar is not a reason to not have a family unless you are having serious problems with psychosis, suicidal thoughts, etc. If it's out of control, you need to get it under control before you get pregnant. I won't lie--being bipolar and pregnant is a rough ride. It's also really hard after you have the baby. To me it was worth it, though. Let us know what you decide.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by roxyrollercoaster

My husband told me last night that he wants me to think about whether or not we are ready to start a family. I would like to have children but worry so much about being a good mom. So - I have some questions for those of you that have children.

Did you stay on medication during your pregnancy? If so, did you children have any birth defects?

Do your children show signs of bipolar disorder?

How much do you think the disorder effects your ability to be a good parent?

I was out on Zoloft during my 3 pregnancies - none of the three have birth defects except my middle one- 12- has a closed hole at the base of her spine which seems familial and then a hole in the pinea of her ear which is not problematic. My other two do not have any problems. I was not diagnosed bipolar until 5 years after my youngest was born though I had hallucinations and reported them.

[faerie_moon_x]

I had my two older sons when I was undiagnosed.

My oldest I had when I was 22 during the years when I having a possible psychotic episode (possible because I can only recount the event now to the doctor...) Anyway, I didn't find pregnancy very difficult at all. I had an easy time, I think. Except near the end around 7 months, I had two evenings of coughing up blood, one night the ambulance was called, even. After that every night I was having sever panic attacks. My ex responded with, "You're so f*** dramatic all the time." (one of a million reasons why he is the ex.)

Then after my son was born I had horrible post pardum depression. I even shaved my head and that was way before Brittany Spears made it cool.

My soon to be middle son was during a difficult time. My ex had taken custody of my oldest son and I didn't get to see him for a whole year (my oldest son was only three at that time). But on the other hand I had my current husband and his mom and brother for support. I didn't have any complications until the labor.

Because I was already in emotional distress I had post pardum depression again. But this time in the hospital a psychiatrist visited me and put me on Abilify. She also sent me to counseling, but there were no psychologists available for eight weeks after birth. So a social worker put me into some anger management class for people who were court ordered to go to anger management.... Yeah.... I also had a sever reaction to the Abilify and had to go off it.

Now this time, I'm eight months pregnant right now! I'm diagnosed but not medicated. My OB knows I have bipolar but didn't want to start any meds because I wasn't on them. I'm more under "observation." This has not been an easy pregnancy due to some major upheavals and changes in my home life. Also the pregnancy is much physically harder this time. I am now 32, so 10 years older than with my oldest.

As for being a good mom, I think I am a good mom! I get irritated, sure. I get argrivated, okay. I can be a bit distance at times. I'm not the best cleaner or cook. But I take good care of my kids. I love them with all my heart. My boys always tell me I'm the best mommy in the whole world. And I really hold on to that because I know someday they will be teens and not ever tell me that.

[kaliope]

I have 3 kids. Was undiagnosed when pregnant with all so no meds. Remember cycling with the last pregnancy, pretty depressed at the end of that pregnancy.

Was young and in an abusive marriage, but I did the best I could by the kids. Divorced when they were young. Raised them in poverty. Because of my mental health issues I could not be there for them emotionally. I did not feel I could connect with my children the way normal mothers did. I felt I pushed them away because I did not know how to give them what they needed, did not know what they needed. I did the best I could for them. I went to all their school activities. I would read to them. When they were young I was sure to tell them I loved them and hug them often. I laughed and joked with them. They are all grown up now and they all turned out to be good kids. No trouble with alcohol or drugs or the law. Good students. And they all really like me and stay in touch. They used to have fun making fun of me. Hugging me and holding on for long periods of time because they knew it made me uncomfortable. They would say "lets make mom squirm." they thought it was funny. I asked why they like me when i couldnt give to them and my son answered "because you always answered my questions mom."

one of my children has been diagnosed bipolar. my daugther. she started hearing voices in highschool. took meds for a bit but didnt like them. she says they are gone now. she experiences some mild mania from time to time, but nothing that really disrupts her life.

[roxyrollercoaster]

All of your answers have been so helpful! I am going to talk to my doctors and my therapist in depth about all of this before we start trying.

I think that if my child did turn out to have some mental illness I would certainly know how to deal with it because of my own experience.

The overall impression I get from your replies is that no matter what, make sure your children know you love them. I can do that, for sure.

[faerie_moon_x]

Originally Posted by roxyrollercoaster

All of your answers have been so helpful! I am going to talk to my doctors and my therapist in depth about all of this before we start trying.

I think that if my child did turn out to have some mental illness I would certainly know how to deal with it because of my own experience.

The overall impression I get from your replies is that no matter what, make sure your children know you love them. I can do that, for sure.

That's the best thing to do. It is good to plan it out a bit, I think.

I'm pretty sure my oldest has anxiety. He reminds me so much of me the way he worries. And I'm thinking my youngest might have ADHD (his dad and uncle have it, too.) But, they are kids and what kids really need is love and support. So I'm just observing them and letting them know I'm here always.

I know my mom's side of the family had cancer, my dad's side diabetes and heart disease, and my husband's family has arthritis and kidney issues. So really, any child born in this world has the chance to face struggles. My goal is to be there for my kids no matter what.