My daughter lies to her therapist

My 15 year old daughter was court ordered to get a psychological eval and go into therapy as a condition of her probation. She had assaulted a police officer who came to get her to go to school as she was truant. The psychiatrist gave her a dx of oppositional defiant disorder and bipolar disorder. She blames all her behaviors on me being bipolar and insists that she is NOT bipolar. She goes to her therapist once a week and makes up the most rediculous stories. She told her T that we she was as young as 4 she had to make her own dinner because I wouldn't do it or I wasn't home. I didn't go to work until she was 10 and either I or my husband cook every night. She has told that my husband beat her and that was absolutely not true, part of the problem is that he wouldn't discipline her I always had t be the bad guy. She says that I give her brother everything he wants but I give her nothing. I take her shopping all the time and we spend way too much money. My daughter had gotten pregnant when she was 14 and now I am raising her baby.She tells her T that I do nothing to help her with the baby. I do not know what to do with her. I have told the therapist that she is lying but I don't think she believes me. SHe won't take her meds because she says she doesn't need them. She is a spoiled brat and that IS my fault. I didn't get help for my illness for a long time because my mother said there was nothing wrong with me. I'm trying to help my daughter but she won't cooperate. I don't want her to go through her life with the problems I have had but I am at the end of my rope. All this stress is making my symptoms worse, anybody have any ideas ?

Im so sorry you are having to go thru all this with your daughter.and now raising your grandchild.
Most Therapists can see right thru the garbabge most teeenagers spew.. especially after a few visits ,,I know when I was a teenager it was all drama and bs .

I dont have any wise words of wisdom ,, Just know your not alone feeling so overwhelmed . ((((HUGS ))))

(((((grammaof3))))

I don't have any wise words, just want you to know that you've been heard. What a tough situation. Do you have a T? That you could talk this out with. Teenagers are so hard, it's such a strange time in life. Somehow I hope this will calm down and work out for you and your daughter. I'm really sorry.

But remember we are here to support you, to listen or talk.

Also did you try posting this in the healthy parenting part of the forums too, Maybe someone there might have some insight. I really hope someone with some good ideas will come along!

Thanks. I 've talked to my T and she says that I need to let my daughter make her own mistakes and don't feel responsible for her behavior. She also says I need to be more supportive but I don't know how. It seems like my daughter acts out more when I am least able to cope with it. Like last week when I was manic and and worried that I might have to go in the hospital she got herself suspended from school. SHe says that she can't handle the stress of my mental problems. Her T is trying to talk her into trying the medication to help her with her mood swings and she tells me that I need to be positive all the time> Wouldn't that be nice ?

My mom had that problem with me when I was younger. No one believed her and they all believed me and all the lies I would spew. The only thing she could do was keep changing doctors until someone could help me. If you are able to try switching doctors.
I'm very sorry you have to go through all of that. I know I caused my mom a lot of problems before we finally got me the help I needed.

Ugggh

Ya that would be nice, to be positive all the time. Unfortunately that's not how it works for most people, not even people who aren't dealing with a mental health issue.

Are there any programs in your area for kids, or teens that have a parent with an MI, or for teens who are also dealing with a mental illness themselves? Maybe if your daughter could connect with some other teens going through similar problems in a structured environment it could help her open up to the possibilities of treatment.

Kids do know when we are not doing so great and can take that into advantage. Could the two of you take some time to have some fun together, some time to enjoy each others company and set the hardships aside while doing it. Maybe you already do, I don't know. These are the only things I can think of for right now. I'll keep thinking on it though. I was a troubled teen too, so I'm trying to think of what would have worked back then.

Keep being strong, and take care of your self too.

Hee hee - I was going to suggest this for you too, Anika!

One of the best memories of my (troubled) teen years was a 2-week trip around the Upper Peninsula of Michigan that my mom and I took, just the two of us, right around the time I started having major mental health problems. My brothers spent that time with my grandparents and also got to have fun, so they didn't feel left out either. It was a really special experience that brought us closer together. She did the same thing for my brother (when he was having issues) and sent him to visit our uncle in Colorado because he needed a strong male role model and my uncle is about as good as you could want for that. But I think you probably have to have a reasonably good relationship and level of trust before that kind of intensive thing.

I wish we could have also had more frequent one-on-one mother-daughter time, but you know how the whole single mom thing makes that difficult.

Unfortunately we live in a small town with very few resources. My daughters idea of doing something fun together is going shopping which we do too often and I always end up feeling guilty because we spent too much money on stuff we don't need and can't really afford. If I tell her we really don't have money to be doing that she throws a little tantrum.Her best friend is bipolar too and on meds most of the time but somtimes she goes through spells where she won't take them. I keep hoping that my daughter will see how good her friend does when she is on her meds and how she does off her meds and realize that they are very much alike.

((grandmaof3)) Teenagers can be so mean My daughter is 17, almost 18, and if it's any consolation she is calming down. She still has bipolar and she's not going to complete high school, but she has apologized to me recently for some of her past actions. And wow, what an amazing feeling that was, and a hopeful happy feeling that she is maturing.

But, I remember one day when I was driving her to her T, she yelled at me nonstop for the entire drive. Accused me of every horrible thing, blaming every problem on me - I tried to say that's not true, that's not fair but gave up since I couldn't get a word in. My blood was boiling and I wanted to tear steering wheel off. I have bipolar too, and getting screamed at is definitely a trigger.

After her appt, T talked to me. I asked her how I am supposed to deal with those sorts of rages. She said in those times where I am being blamed for everything, to let my daughter finish her rant, and that I should say, "what can i do to help you right now?"

That helped me a lot, because I stopped trying to defend myself or change my daughter's mind and feelings. She obviously is not being rational when she's freaking out like that, and she has a lot to process.

So a way you can support her (emotionally) is let her vent her rants, try not to interrupt. She has so much to process with the bipolar and having a baby at such a young age. And don't internalize what she says about you. You know it's not true. Then let her know you hear her and you love her and what can you do to help her right now. If she says shopping, you could say, that sounds fun, but I can't spend money, so we could just go look at stuff.

Regarding meds, I can't get either of the kids to take their meds. They are so rebellious. And both refused to go to school, so we have to do the internet school. My daughter is starting to mature and come around to the realization that she does want an education. And she's starting to understand about her responsibility for her mental health.

None of this is fair that you should carry so much. Hopefully this place can be a support for you since there isn't much in your town. Not enough support in my town either. Good luck, keep us posted.

I wish you the very best. the following is my personal experience:

As a teenager who put my parents through h*ll I can tell you she has no concept of you as a human being right now. I certainly didn't. It doesn't matter that she has a child, because you are raising the child so she isn't responsible for the child.

She is still a child, and you are still a two dimensional image. And when I was a child and my parents were two dimensional everything was about me Me Me!!!!!!!!!!

I lied about everything. if I was talking I was lying. especially about my home life. Because you see, I was a drama queen extrodranaire. I knew how to play people. I believed I truly could snow anyone anytime anywhere. and I did. because everyone around me let me.

My mom didn't have the guts to stand up to me. To truly put her foot down and say enough is enough. This is how it will be from now on. Until that fateful day when she had enough.

She said, you have abused your time here long enough. it is time you decide where you want to live and how you want to live. You have until morning. If you want to live by the rules of this house you may stay. If not you may go.

The scary part was she truly meant every word. For the first time I knew my mother meant she was ready to kick me out on the streets.

I tried to live by her rules. Withing 3 months I was gone. I couldn't do it.

The payoff was we got along better after a couple of years. It worked out for the best.

I just wanted to share my story from the point of view of the teen. I don't have it from the mom's point of view.

I hope this helps some.

Thanks. I appreciate the point of view from the teen. When I was teenager I was too afraid of my mom to act out too much and my bipolar was not that bad at that point. It has gotten worse over the years. I was a pretty good kid. My daughter will be 16 this summer and she thinks she can get emancipated and move out on her own. No way is a judge going to let her with her track record. My son is 10 years older than my daughter and he was a good kid. He played football, went to school everyday and stayed out of trouble. My daughter thinks the world revolves around her and that she should always get her way.