[bexter]

I have a lot of the familiar complications of BPD piggybacking on alcoholism: financial chaos, medical bills, chronic under- and unemployability, even homelessness. The latest mess is having my checking account frozen (albeit illegally, or so it seems) by a collections agency, something I'm looking into resolving through the local Legal Aid people, with whom I have an intake tomorrow.

Because things have gotten markedly worse for me from a functional standpoint in the past few months, a friend who knows a little about these things suggested that I also talk to the Legal Aid folk about medical disability. She thinks I certainly qualify and that I could take a lot of heat and stress off myself by going that route while I get the rudiments of my life in order.

I admit that the idea is unsettling. On one hand, I feel that by assuming disabled status, I would either be abusing the system (I mean, I'm a serial drunk and an idiot, seemingly by choice) or having to confront the fact that I'm just as dysfunctional as I keep insisting I am; neither choice is appealing and there's nothing in between them. On the other hand, lately, I have really felt a growing sense of something like confusion, or general failure of orientation, or something. Mundane tasks have become a challenge, and I've skipped two job interviews out of the simple sense of not being able to do what I am supposed to do even if hired. This is new; I used to bounce back pretty well in these areas, but now I feel like a lost boy, and not just when I'm hung over or shithoused.

What is negotiating this "system" like? Is it something that dogs you later (as in, future employers holding it against you)? Are there both temporary and "permanent" forms? I wish I had more coherent questions, but my basic concern is twofold: an element of shame, and basic curiosity.

Then again, maybe I could write that Great American Novel if I didn't have to worry about supporting myself.

Edited to add: As can probably be inferred, I do not have health insurance. I am not working now (was both hospitalized and living in a shelter recently, squeezing in some alcohol treatment in between) and in fact have not had a FT job in over three years (and that one did not last long). I generally support myself as a freelance writer and editor.

[momofboys321]

I don't know much about this subject, but I do know that my dad is on disability for bipolar. His wife also applied, but she hasn't gotten an answer yet. I think the best thing to do would be to go to your local disability office and ask. The worst they could say is that you don't qualify, and if you qualify that's a major plus.

Also, don't feel like your taking advantage of the system. That is what it is there for, to be used by people who need it. I have seen perfectly well people get on disability, not because they needed it, but because they're lazy. I know one lady who in public is in a wheelchair because she is "disabled", but at home she cooks, clean, dances around, like anyone else. She gets 3500 a month because she is "disabled". So don't feel like your taking advantage if you need it. Only you can determine if you need it or not. Good luck with this!

Holly

[tracy33]

I'm on disability for bipolar. I had a 5 day stay at the mental hospital and a year later I decided since I haven't worked since then, and felt that I couldn't due to my instability, I decided to apply for disability. I had a pdoc, which is what you definately need to have to help your case. I got a lawyer first thing to help with the forms. (you don't pay the lawyer unless you win.) I was denied several times. It took a couple years until I was approved. I was considered "disabled" since my last day of work right before my hospital stay and was awarded back pay. I, too, felt like I was abusing the system, after receving my $35,000 reward check. But then I thought about all the pain and suffering,etc.etc..
Right now I have the option to go to work part time , and still collect my same amount, plus what I earn at work, as long as I don't get paid over a certain amount each month. It's called a ticket to work, and I beleive the employer will know about your disability.
The other option is to just go off it totally when you are well, I suppose, and get a full time job, and your employer will not have to know, unless they want to know why you have a break in employment.
I'm not an expert on it. I do not get the Medicare. I will soon, but I chose to stick with my husbands health care plan from work, it's far better.
I am not ashamed at all to be on disabilty.

[bexter]

Originally Posted by tracy33

I had a pdoc, which is what you definately need to have to help your case...

Thanks so much, everyone. tracy, what is a pdoc? A psychiatrist?

I'm on the Social Security Web site right now looking at what I need, and I assume they're going to want not just MD info, but case workers for dual-diagnosis group counseling sessions, etc.

I've been to ERs many times for drunkenness, but am not sure if I should include those. I don't see what choice I have.

I see that there are also online services (lawyers, I assume) claiming they can help with this kind of thing.

Anyway, we'll see.

[tracy33]

Yes, it's a psychiatrist. I had a good one who I saw on a very regular basis for a while. At least 2-3 times a month until things got leveled out with me. He must have kept good notes on me. I also had him write a letter for me that made me sound pretty bad. I gave it the judge so I could get out of community service when I had an assault charge against me.
I also have a dual diagnosis. Drugs and alcohol.

I don't know about online services. Can you trust them??
Are there any disabilty lawyers listed in your phone book?
People go on disability for alcoholism alone, I beleive.
Also, when you file for disability, you have to list every job you ever held and the dates.(ugh!) I held quite a few. This can be very helpful, though, because it shows that you cannot hold down a job.

I imagine any and all info on you would help your case.

[bexter]

Originally Posted by tracy33

Yes, it's a psychiatrist. I had a good one who I saw on a very regular basis for a while. At least 2-3 times a month until things got leveled out with me. He must have kept good notes on me. I also had him write a letter for me that made me sound pretty bad. I gave it the judge so I could get out of community service when I had an assault charge against me.
I also have a dual diagnosis. Drugs and alcohol.

I don't know about online services. Can you trust them??
Are there any disabilty lawyers listed in your phone book?
People go on disability for alcoholism alone, I beleive.
Also, when you file for disability, you have to list every job you ever held and the dates.(ugh!) I held quite a few. This can be very helpful, though, because it shows that you cannot hold down a job.

I imagine any and all info on you would help your case.

Again, good info, tracy. Sad fact is, I don't have to play games to demonstrate that I have a failed work history; the record shows that I can't hold down a job for more than a few weeks to a couple of months. It'll be a painful thing, listing every job I've had in the past X years (and I hope X is less than 10).

I'll be getting meds monitoring from a nurse practitioner starting very soon, so she'll have to serve as my pdoc.

Since I was diagnosed with BPD just this April, I may have different constraints than others. In terms if the charts I've been disabled for less than a year, but BPD doesn't just go away, and in my case has unfortunately accelerated some in recent months. What a mess.

I don't know the EXACT dates of all of my hospitalizations and jobs but am good enough with numbers to get sufficiently close.

I guess I'll keep folks posted--could be instructive to those who come after me in this crapstained quest.