[myexpression]

my son is currently in the midst of a dark psychotic bipolar episode that has been going on for about two months. he is delusional. He agreed to hospitalization yesterday, so i hope his healing can begin. But in the meantime, he has admitted to doing things that are just not tru. examples: he believes he spent 6 months in jail for arson. not tru. he believes his last stay in jail was for 2 months. it was more like 2 days. he believes there were guns and knives in the car he "stole". also not tru. he alleges that he cut off an inmates arm while he was in jail. didn't happen. my question - - - will he ever recall the stories he has told or is this one of the many perplexing components of the illness???

[Anneinside]

I have a friend who is psychotic frequently. When she is no longer psychotic she does remember the things she believed... sometimes she still has trouble not believing them even though she is no longer delusional.

[CastlesInTheAir]

I remember pretty much everything

Thought someone was in the attic stalking me

Thought I was a serial killer

Thought I was a government plant as a Bio weapon

Thought my friends were trying to kill me

Thought my dad was CIA and my mom was a cover wife

When i got to the hospital thought the rooms were set up to fill up with smoke like i was in a concentration camp

Thought I could control the red lights

Thought my whole life was a TV show

List goes on.......

Hope your son will be ok

I think he will be......

Much love

[Anneinside]

Rather than wondering if he would remember the delusions, I would wonder if he would remember the truth. My friend does but maybe some who has delusions could give a better answer.

[cocoabeans]

Yes, I remember but, that means little for anyone else. Sometimes I still get scared and I do not talk about it. Maybe because part of me thinks strange things even though I know better. Oh well. What can you do?

[myexpression]

with the advent of social media, ie, facebook, MANY of his delusional rambles were made public. i printed entire threads before they are deleted so that maybe when he is ready he can look back - - - my dream would be that he would read his own deterioration and make a decision once and for all to take his depression seriously and commit to ongoing treatment. its sad to watch, as he is otherwise a young, vibrant, loving 24 year old that only recently got the diagnosis. he has struggled to accept it for the last year...

[myexpression]

it seems the bipolar continuum is soooooo vast, like from mild to moderate to severe; and it seems my "baby" has a very severe form. i'm grieving tremendously, as his illness impacts not only him, but our family and has changed the course of our lives for quite possibly forever. i HATE the current ****-storm we are in...

[Tsunamisurfer]

For me, coming out of psychosis isn't as simple as switching to a clean new view of reality, where everything you believed just clears up and any delusions are obviously false and in the past. There is a lot of uncertainty where one scrubs the evidence for clues about what is true, and some things just never can be determined to be indisputable facts. Previous paranoid concerns about what others think of you may be reinforced by their continued response to your previous suspiciousness and unusual behaviour. It can be quite difficult to shake paranoid beliefs when others continue to treat you with fear or caution.
Once you are alienated from your friends, the hurdles to regaining their trust can be a huge challenge when you are still busy recovering from fried brain syndrome, or feeling numbed from powerful meds.

What I remember most from psychotic episodes are the hallucinations - I can hear the words, the tone of the voices, and remember the sight of the strange visions with unusual clarity.
What fades is the feeling of fear and suspicion, and overwhelmingly powerful trust in my intuition that I only seem to experience in a psychotic episode. Normally I can't bring back the feeling by simply remembering it. It takes another episode for me to recognise the familiar sensations.

[Kymaro]

When I deal with psychosis I remember a few things, pretty much those that have a lasting effect (traffic ticket, new belongings from spending sprees) But I can't remember details like you describe. I can remember emotions. I laps quickly into depression after a psychotic episode from "wondering what the **** did I just do". Avoiding everyone because they might just mention that "I did this or that". I keep a diary, and I always miss these days where I should be using it the most. Ha, how ironic. Best support for you and your son, It's nice he has you to guide him along the right path.

[myexpression]

tsunamisurfer - thank you for your beautifully written window into your experience with psychosis. my son has definitely been alienated by friends of late. he has been known to have a large personality with them. ...add a little booze and marijuana use and he becomes the "life of the party", or more accurately, the idiot of the party and "crazy". Sadly, i suspect "friends" may not realize when he has crossed over from being entertaining and the brunt of everyones laughs to literally becoming ill, out of touch with reality, and at risk of hurting himself or others due to the impulsivity/mania. they probably walk away from conversations with him shaking their heads and just wondering what on earth the boy has been smoking.

he needs to start the process of learning who his "friends" are. my husband is infuriated with a few of his friends for taking advantage of him during such a fragile time; my husband has had dialogues with some of them to educate them on warning signs. Husband has been prepared to take a call 24/7 if a friend ever feels they need help dealing with our son but they never called. im not as upset with my son's "friends". these are "kids" in their early 20's that have no real concept of what is going on and i cannot expect them to. i am more upset with my son b/c he needs to take ownership of his life and decisions and then take precautions so that future episodes are curtailed promptly... at least, that would be my "happily ever after" ending.

[noneedtoknow]

myexpression
Thank you so much for posting. I have never been psychotic so have no experience to share, but I have a brother who gets that way-it's his bipolar. I was touched with your obvious love, care and concern for your son that your husband and you seem to share. I want to encourage you to continune to post, get support and education as you travel this road with your son. Not all family members do this. My sincere hope is excellent care, excellent treatment teams and good recovery for your son and family.

[myexpression]

Kymaro - thank you for your thoughts. sadly, our son is in denial about the magnitude of his illness. we visited him last night in the hospital. my only way to describe him would be "wired" / wound up. after a mere 48 hours, he wants to be released. when asked if he recalled how he got in the hospital, he believes it was for mania, just b/c he wasn't sleeping (we actually bonded him out of jail and transfered him two days earlier; it was WAY more serious than lack of sleep). Since he slept the last two nights in the hospital, he thought he was well and needed out.

when my husband began to approach him with some of the other decisions he has been making and statements he has been claiming, he became irritable and abruptly ended our visit. he is clearly not stable.

we have been here to help him and guide him, but it is beyond emotionally draining. and we are learning we can only do so much. we need him to step up and accept the help that is in front of him... but it has to be him.

[myexpression]

ty, noneedtoknow. i really appreciate the boost because at times i feel i am fighting a losing battle, a battle for someone that just doesn't get it and someone that just doesn't give a shi*. for now, my husband and i are being strong at a time when i know my son isn't able to be. not sure how much more we can "have his back" tho, if he doesn't take some responsibility here... this battle is sucking the life out of our family