Should I tell my boss?

My boss is a pretty good guy. But as many of you are all to well aware, it's hard enough to get a family member to understand BP let alone people you work with. I know that if, sometime down the road, I am forced to quit this job due to bp or anxiety, I will be wishing/glad I had said something. On the other hand, I've had the experience of my previous job where I wouldn't dare due to the management there.

So what do you all think? Pee or get off the pot? I.e. quit thinking about it and do it, or keep it to myself?

Thanks to anyone who chooses to reply.

Hi Rebound -

I have battled this argument for a VERY long time myself... There were so many GOOD jobs that I lost bcuz of this dang disease... I'll share w/you my thoughts/experiences about telling the boss as well as work in general...

First, an employer has to make REASONABLE accomodations for a disability pursuant to ADA... Now this is a VERY gray area - especially when it comes to mental health... I've made the mistake of telling a boss and I've also made the best choice in telling a boss. As far as ADA goes, this protects you from getting fired due to a disability as well as forces an employer - willing or unwilling - to accomodate your Dr's orders. For example, none of mine want me to work at all and in fact have pushed for me to file for SSA for years... So I've gone from job to job and I used to tell them eveyrthing - that way, I would be 'protected' (or so I thought) from getting fired as well as being allowed to have, e.g., time off as needed. Well, there's a nice little loop-hole that is in this wonderful system. FMLA (Family/Medical Leave Act) provides you with up to 12 weeks off, un-paid (unless employer has a paid-time-off plan), whether it be three days in a row, one day a week, etc., ONLY once you have reached 1250 worked hours and ONE year of service... Tell one of us who suffer from BP to reach that goal and we ALL know what it does...

Anyway, the job I had for years finally took its toll on me... I started having even more attendance problems, a boss who understood my disease/disorders, and said I have to utilize FMLA otherwise I would start getting disciplinary action. In this case, the law worked in my favour. Whenever i couldn't work, I utilized an FMLA "day" or however long it took. Due to relapsing, I ended up exhausting those 12 weeks, or 90 days, VERY quickly.. Next thing I know, I got fired for attendance problems. Despite ALL the medical docs and ADA out there, once you've exhausted FMLA, you're subject to anything. Even me going on disability (THROUGH the employer), so I coudl be paid, resulted in me being fired bcuz I went over that limit. I took them to court, lost, and haven't been able to hold a job longer than 2 months since... This was back in 1998...

Telling the boss may have negative impacts - even if he/she is receptive for the reasons you stated. You are SO right that it is hard enough to get our families - those who are SUPPOSED to love us unconditionally - to understand and help us, yet alone an employer. So there is really no concrete answer here my friend. It's a call you have to make, based upon the relationship w/your boss, if you want to disclose your BP. Ever since my nightmare, I have NEVER EVER told an employer again - except for the one-before-last - and that is bcuz he had BP himself.

I thought I could trust him; however given the nature of the disease, he went into a manic episode, ended up getting into a fight with me (not physical), and we both ended up getting fired.... I confided in him, he confided in me, and we truly helped each other for a while as best as we could.. Lesson learned, this disease does NOT let one think/do as those 'normal' people... I use that term VERY lightly by the way...

So as a suggestion, and bear in mind it is just that, is that you do NOT give them anything to 'get on you' about. There will NEVER be another employer who knows about me; they will only know I have a physical and psychological conditions that MAY require accomodations at some point. It is furthermore NONE of their business - if they pry for information, tell him/her that the specifics are none of their business as your medical history is your business only. Tell them as little s possible, explaining your right to privacy, and if they are animate on extracting information out of you, take it to the HR's. That is what they are there for and are required to ALSO keep anything about you under lock & key. This way, should someone start talking about you and/or you find that your buisness is now the subject of office politics, you know where that came from...

I DO hope I have helped somewhat or at least give ou insight as to how you could proceed with this. Please do not interpret my circumstances as gospel for yours; we are ALL differnet, yet equal due to this particular disorder, and we all have to 'do what we have to do' in order to protect ourselves. That is FAR more important than disclosig personal and VERY private information.

If I may ask, why are you contemplating telling him/her anyway? Are you experiencing bad PA's at work or are you at risk of being fired? Also, do NOT just quit - you will lost unemployment benefits... Let them fire you - bcuz if you get fired for attendance, and you back that up w/medical documentation should the employer challenge it, you WILL prevail and receive your unemployment benefis. I NEVER quit - I always let them fire me and to date, there has never been ONE unemployment case lost bcuz of my disorders - whether I told the boss or not. You do, however, MUST ensure that the HR dept. knows you have a medical condition(s) so that way when you do get fired, they can't say "well, we didn't know"... Otherwise, this gives them an upper hand and may result in unemployment being denied. At least HR's are always separate from the every-day-people, so ensure you have something in your records indicating JUST your conditions - nothing more, nothing less...

Agin, I hope this helps somewhat and I apologize in advance for being sporadic... I'm sure you know how this goes!!! Take it easy and hope to hear from you soon... ~Niko

Thank you for the detailed reply. It has given me much to think about.

Here's the reason I asked. The main point is that I feel a strong compulsion to quit. My thinking and behaviour have become very erratic and I would just as soon stay at home, out of everyone's way. I don't want to go the disability route because I don't think I can live on what I would get. I could try to collect unemployment insurance during a prolonged medical absence from work but I would again receive an amount under what would be considered the poverty line around here. What that boils down to is that I can't afford to not work. I am (sorta) looking for a new job. But that will be of limited helpfullness if this mixed state continues for much longer. I guess I am going to have to tell my boss something but keep it as vague as possible as you suggest. There is no HR department where I work per se. For all intents and purposes, he is HR.

There has been a worsening in my symptoms lately toward hyponania. In my case, that is characterized, at the moment, by agressive, short-tempered behaviour, very little sleep, and a generally agitated, anxiety ridden state.

As a result, I have a great deal of trouble concentrating so I am making stupid errors at work, getting very peeved with co-workers, and becoming more anxious about having to show up for work in the first place. I keep thinking I should quit before I punch someone out and my pride is such that I would rather quit than be fired for poor performance (as opposed to attendance.) I keep screwing up and I keep getting angry about other employees, one of whom is often late in the morning and the other of whom I work the night shift with that is a knob I have to listen to ***** about the one who is always late.

Also, I am having trouble handling the overnight shift physically and it along with everything else has been even worse during a winter that just doesn't seem like it is coming to an end. It's two thirds of the way through March and it was snowing on the way to work tonight. (I really dislike winter a lot.)

Thanks again. I see you are not unfamiliar with the idea that it's tough to keep a job for any length of time, whether or not you like it or are any good at it.

Sorry about the run on sentences. Just trying to squeeze as much info into the space as possible I guess, in a blurting sort of way.

Rebound,
I have been at my current job for 3 1/2 years now. It wasn't till a little over a year ago that I was officially diagnosed as BP. The FIRST thing I did, was tell everyone at work, my boss, co-workers, HR, etc. Luckily I have a very understanding boss, she has been like a 2nd mom to me. I wanted everyone to know so that they had an understanding to why I am the way I am.
Until recently, I had been doing okay. But there has been a lot going on, and I seem to be on a downward spiral. I have been missing a LOT of work lately, fortunately..my boss understands. Unfortunately, my boss quit the other day..which leaves me very vulnerable because not everyone is as understanding.
I too have considered leaving my job, but have decided that I would rather wait for them to fire me!
I am however extremely glad that I told everyone at work, and that I put it in my "profile" in HR. I feel more secure in my job now that they know.
Anyways, I guess it all depends on your boss, and the company you work for. Good luck to you though!

my employer knows and im ashamed i feel stigmatized. i want to go back and say oh im all better now, but i realize i need job protection... i can take time off if i need to due to this bull ish, and still keep my job. dont get to keep my pride but still get paid.

I did not tell my boss but in a conversation I mentioned a med I have been taking and now I feel like I blew it. I truly regret saying anything. For my situation and the type of work I do I could easily be fired.
I hope whatever you decide works out for you!
HUGS
Cher

Thanks for your replies. I'm still undecided. My work performance has suffered so much lately I think I need to tell him something. It's usually top notch and has been really lousey. I'll just have to make a decision I guess. Unfortunately that is the one thing I seem to be unable to do these days.

Ah well, thanks again. I'll try to rememeber to let you folks know what I come up with. I don't really know what I'm going to do.

Thanks for your replies. I'm still undecided. My work performance has suffered so much lately I think I need to tell him something. It's usually top notch and has been really lousey. I'll just have to make a decision I guess. Unfortunately that is the one thing I seem to be unable to do these days.

Ah well, thanks again. I'll try to rememeber to let you folks know what I come up with. I don't really know what I'm going to do.

I hope it works out for you Rebound.
Cher

NO!!! I have been quite lucky over the last few years... that is up until a little over a year ago. Soon after I was diagnosed I confided in my boss and the HR rep (who had been what I thought was my friend.) It wasn't two months later and they both came and fired me. And I work in the healthcare industry where we deal with alot of mental health patients. Granted I was suffering from some paranoia....and they were not helping but I had been with this very large company for over 8 yrs! I made this company lots of money. So, of course I spiraled into a deep depression which landed me in a hospital for several days. I am lucky that I have a degree and am able to function with this disease. With the helps of meds! But, it literally took my 4 months to get a job because they then put it out in the industry I work in. Do yourself a favor....some things are better kept to the people close to you that know love your and have your best interest at heart.