Good Boss/Bad Boss

I had to take some time off of work last year to get my head together. I didn't take disability or anything, but I did tell her it was mental health related. My boss was incredibly cool about it -- she didn't pry, but she was concerned and let me know that I needed to take care of myself first and come back when I felt ready. But I can think of bosses I've had in the past who would've been very uncool about it. What have your experiences been with bosses? Just curious.

Good Post Ben!!!

I had to take medical leave from work late last year and early into this year. Because of FMLA, I actually did have to go into details regarding my absences but only to my HR lady. I had to have papers filled out by my PDoc and T. I did feel very violated at times but the law is the law I suppose. I guess my bosses were cool, to an extent. I think their main concern was their business, which is understandable.

I do remember when I did return back to part time duty, my boss bought me a box of Chamomile tea and it had a little note attached saying how much I was missed. I did appreciate that. I also got a very warm reception from many others there so I did feel good about that also.

For me though, I wasnt able to really concentrate on me or getting well as long as I was still there at the job. It took me a while to figure that out though. I had a lot of responsibilty there, not just my work but I had to make sure 4 other people's work was done as well. Too much for me to handle.

I guess for the most part they were understanding. I did go to them several times asking to step down as team leader because it was too much. They never accepted that and told me to take it easy and not to make such a rash decision. I dont know if they didnt understand the severity of my situation or if there was no one there compitent enough to replace me. I guess I will never know.

Bottom line, it took me 6 months to finally realize I wasnt superwomen, I couldnt do it all and I was human, and I needed help. In order to do that I had to let go fully, of that realization and my job. So I chose me. I quit and I feel that was the best dicision then and now. I dont really miss my job, I just miss the people.

I still keep in contact with my boss's and they wish me well.

I hope I wasnt too off topic. LOL

Thanks for the thread

((((((((((((((((((((Ben))))))))))))))))))



Huggles,


Jen

My experiences have been mixed. At my current workplace they have been supportive (as comp-ared with my last one where I was constantly expecting criticism and where the head of management said that stress was all in the mind). But on the other hand I have had experiences where I have said things were too stressful and been ignored. It's tough. I have adopted the strategy of being honest and upfront about having recurrent depression and waited to see how it is dealt with. I even told them at interview that I have had problems with depression, so I can't feel guilty that they didn't know what they were getting. Mental illness is so strange to some people. I hate the fact that I feel like I have a life sentence - after so many episodes I know it will continue to recurr. All I can do is try to spot it early and prevent as much as I can by being aware of my own stresses and weak points.

Caroline

When I was in college working a work study program my boss was so cool. He didn't just show you how to do the work around the college he did it too right down to dancing with the vaccuum cleaner. So anyway one day a call came in from my abusive family Im sitting listening and trying to get my new registration forms sorted he saw I was getting upset and wrote on a paper "who is it?" I wrote back parents and turned on speaker, soon He bellowed for their benefit " ____this isnt a social hour get off that damn phone and go set up classroom number two". It took everything for me not to laugh and say "I have to go into the phone" When I got off the phone he said "With parents like that I'd be in therapy" I laughed and sad "doing it. and told him who my therapist was" From that day on he was like a big brother watching over me. I'd come in beat up and he'd point across the road to "Joan's" office and I knew if I didn't go he'd call her and she'd be walking in the door in five seconds flat. If I was having a hard day pulling it together he pitched right in helping me get the work done. I remember this one day I was a total basket case I no more than sat down and there was a soda and breakfast from the restraunt down the street. When I asked him what needed to be done that day he said my job that day was to monitor the lounge and gave me a list of shows on various channels that needed recording for some class professors. All I had to do that day was keep the coffee pot filled and VCR running. The rest of the time was mine to do what I wanted.

Ive had my fill of jerks for bosses too. One time my parents found me and showed up at a department store I worked in. They weren't doing anything wrong, just making their presence known to me by walking around my department. I couldn't concentrate even though all I had to do was stock shelves that day. My boss comes down out of the video room and told me I was fired. If prospective customers made me that nervious while they are window shopping his store was not where I needed to be. I tried to explain and he cut me off saying "no excuses go!" I left. At another place I was having a hard day with flashbacks and a boss told me he didn't need any mental cases working for him If I didn't pull it together ASAP I was fired. At the end of the day I was told don't come back.

I have found that a majority of employers don't care if I had a mental problem or what that was. I was there to do a job and they weren't there to babysit me. Just like people without a mental disorder I was expected to get the job done with out using my problems as excuses for not getting that work done.

The way most employers in my life saw it as The American Disabilities Act says I am entitled to work without my disabilities - mental or physical being a factor otherwise its considered discrimination, so its not fair for me to expect them to hire me regardless of disability and then turn around and use disability as a factor for not doing my job. Employers are not allowed (though some have been nice to do so) to take into consideration my disabilites just my work performance. If my work performance does not live up to expections I'm fired plain and simple.

I have a good boss. I was ill some time ago, about 5 years ago and took 5 months off work. Well she called, took me out for dinner and made my transition back very easy. Even arranged to get me into another line of work which, as it turned out, led me to my present job which I love. I then found that a few years down the line I ended up with her as my boss again. She actually sought me out for my current position. I have had troubles since (anxiety, depression and the likes, which was why I was off the first time) but she is always there for me. Ive never been off since. But she even notices when Im not "well" and reminds me to take care of me. She even goes out of her way to make sure Im ok!!!!!
You just gotta love her.

All the girls

Well, I guess all bosses are trying to work within the guidelines and not get sued, but it seems like the difference between good bosses and bad bosses is that bad bosses are trying to manage the "worker" and good bosses are managing actual people, if that makes any sense. I'm surprised, and encouraged, by the number of "good boss" stories this thread generated.

I had kind of a weird situation with my last boss. From the beginning, when I told her about my depression, etc, she was very interested and concerned and wanted to learn more about it so she could understand better. I was in the hospital a couple of times last year, and she was great about it. She always seemed concerned for me, etc.

I left that job in January, but I still have plenty of friends who work there, and last week I found out that my boss and the office manager had been keeping tabs on everyone else. The office computer tech was cleaning off some computers and found hundreds of emails between the two, noting ridiculous crap like when someone went to the bathroom and how long they stayed. According to my friend, they also noted when I called in prescriptions--or took the time to talk to my pdoc, which when you're actively suicidal is usually a good thing to do, no?

So I guess what I'm saying is, I *thought* I had a boss who was good about it, but it turns out she wasn't. How's that for a kick in the pants, as my mother says? :-\

I was upfront from the first week I was hired at my new job, and they're all very appreciative that I tell them what is going on with my mental health and try to make sure that they don't give me anything or make me do anything that is going to send me over the edge. And they seem genuinely to care. But I've been down that road before, and I'm not sure I trust it.....

Candy

I had a very bad boss experience and I agree with what you said that good bosses manage people (taking their feelings, lives, etc into consideration) while bad bosses manage workers (usually mismanaging them). I've had bad bosses who took advantage of their workers too (one in a sexual manner). Not a good thing! Thanks for a good thread JustBen.

My last boss I thought was great but found out they weren't. It wasn't my direct supervisor that was bad it was the director of the lab I worked in. My direct supervisor was great I liked and respected her alot. I was told when I was written up that if I brought in a doctor's note I'd be excused when I went to the doctor. Well as it turns out they used it against me and I ended up getting fired as a result of having to go to the doctor. My opinion for what ever its worth is that I actually had to use my health insurance and they didn't like that. Anyway because of that job I got the guts up to apply for disability. When I was fired I asked about COBRA and the person that was firing me told me yes they did have it but I should try for medicaid instead. OMG I was pissed but ended up taking her advice and got it. So I guess I should be thankful for getting fired as I have time to go to school now and end up a better person.

Jbug

I had experiences with both good and bad bosses. I have a good boss now, at least he treats me well, though lousy pay. The bad boss I had wa a few years ago. I was working with that boss for 6 years. Long story short - I ended up getting a lawyer. It was not nice.

Hello everyone!

I am currently on short-term disability from work due to major depression and "coincidentally" found this forum today and even more "coincidentally" this particular thread! Thank you so much, Ben, for beginning it!

My chosen profession is within the mental health field. I was very open with my bosses about my illness at the jobs I worked at and never had any problem at all. Also never needed to take any long-term time off as my major episodes are generally far apart.

I left my last position within mental health for family/personal reasons - took a sabbatical - and then had to get a "job-job" to survive economically. That landed me in a Fortune 500 company "cubicle land" - an industry and job I would NEVER have chosen, but paid the bills. I have been there almost 2 years. It is extremely fast-paced, chaotic and the most "cherished" word there is "multi-tasking." I'm a very organized, detail-oriented person so you can understand the pressure there. I could tell I was starting to sink into depression and ~should~ have notified my pdoc then so hopefully we could have caught it in time. But I didn't think of that then and ~wham~ I was hit with the first really severe episode I've had in many, many years.

In the midst of a full-blown depression it is hard to think clearly to begin with, but I kept thinking there HAD to be some recourse I could take besides quitting. (I had used up all my paid time off days ) Then I remembered the FMLA, contacted the appropriate people within the company. I was directed into short-term disability and went from there. (There were some rough spots as the week I became ill my immediate boss was off work sick for the week; HIS boss who we contacted was leaving for another job the following week. I assumed she would fill my boss in fully on my situation, but apparently she only provided "bits and pieces" according to my boss. To make things worse, my pdoc was on vacation that week also. I got an emergency appointment with his colleague who upped one of my meds but said since I had been a patient of my Dr. for so long, she did not feel comfortable completing the forms to take me out of work.

Finally it all did come together. My boss has been good about it. He is a very young boss in his first supervisory capacity. (In fact he and I began at the company at the same time in the same position.)

I did not realize until after I had done so that I did not have to tell what my disability is to my boss - just to home office who deals with that. I'm not sure how my boss will view me now or if this will endanger my job in any way. I have been a very good employee and never written-up, so it shouldn't.

I have been out 4 weeks now. Dr. has tried various meds, new ones, increasing dosages on current ones, various anti-anxiety meds, various sleeping pills. At one point I was feeling like a zombie so I cut back on the ones I knew made me feel like that. The pressure of not having to deal with work right now was lifted, but I am still having the "morning terrors", a lot of anxiety and apathy. I PRAY my pdoc will see that I need some more time off to heal.

I am so very glad to have found this forum and look forward to interacting with you all.

Azalysa,

Your story sounds very similar to mine. I have PM'd you because I am afraid my reply would be too long here.

I wish you peace with this.


Jen

Every boss I have ever had thinks that anyone who takes a sick day off is faking it. I would be at work and the boss and other employees would talk about the reasons why someone was away and how it was not legitimate. I used to be so scared to ring up and say I was sick, even if I was genuinely sick because I knew what the conversation would be. They just think you are making it up. I hardly ever called in sick. I would go to work sick because I was so terrified of ringing in sick.
One day at work I felt incredibly sick and told the boss that I had to go home, he didn't object. But the hilarious thing was that after I told him I felt heaps better. Maybe I was just sick of work. He he. Rofl
But basically i have never really taken sick days because I have been too afraid of what the boss would say. I have been to work many days and felt as sick as a dog and had to endure it. I do remember taking a sick day when I was really suffering with heaps of anxiety and depression. I just couldn't bear the thought of going to work. I went to the shops for something and was seen by an employee of the place I worked for. You can guess what happened. I got in trouble and was told that I had to have a medical certificate.

Estee, that is awful that you've felt like you can't take time off when you're sick, and as you alluded to, I think that in itself is a stress that can exacerbate illness. And going into work when you're experiencing depression and/or anxiety, well, all I can say is I admire you tremendously and



I'm on the other end of the spectrum - I take too many days off sick. For me it's an issue of either I take a day or two to come to grips with the depression or I have to quit altogether. (Which I've done in the past) So, taking time off for me is the better choice.

I'm praying for the time when I don't battle as much with this illness and can be relatively "symptom-free."

I have worked for a boss in 2003-2004 who couldn't care less about her employees. 2 of my co workers were suffering from depression and were on medications. She was really mean with all of us and often made some of my co-workers cry. With my APD I don't show my real feelings but lot of times while I was driving to work or back I cried in my car.

This year 2005 I didn't go back to work for her and I find out that 4 of my co-workers didn't go either. My boss was a very strange person awfully mean really.

I was off work this year for medical reason and I just started back a while ago. I'm working at home for now, just for a few weeks and I hope after that I will find a decent person to work for. I'm not stable and I'm not that strong emotinally so I really hope I will find a good place to work. If I could I would stay at home not because i'm lazy but because I'm so tired of fighting in society.

ok I went off subjet here, sorry about that. Yes there is good boss, I have worked for some that are really great people.

Take good care ((((((((((((Ben)))))))))))))

time0

I read a study that says depression costs the US economy $43 billion a year in lost productivity. I'm not sure how they arrived at that number, but I'm sure it's pretty bad. I wonder about bosses who encourage employees to work sick...do they have any idea how that effects their business? One bad customer experience with a depressed employee can generate a lot of bad word-of-mouth.

JustBen,

Honestly, I do not beleive that employers "care" about the well being of their employee's. Bottom line for them is the money. The way they see it, if we do not produce, they will find someone who will.

I think that my boss "cared" on a personal level because I knew her for many years and actually she was my boss at a previous job.....anyhow,

I was a work-a-holic, never took a sick day, only took a 1/2 day off work when I had walking pnemonia. For me, I was so damn eager to please them, wanted them to think they could count on me. After a few years, it all caught up with me. So when I had to take medical leave, it totally threw them off. They werent used to not having me there. All of a sudden, things were going down hill because I was no longer there for them to push work onto. It my fault though. I never said NO to anything they asked of me. I would work late and on weekends. Whatever they needed to get the job done. I let it totally consume me. I now know, that "I" am much more important then any job and I will never let myself get into that position again.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I now know, that "I" am much more important then any job and I will never let myself get into that position again.


</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> Jen, I think that is a very empowering statement!

Thank you Ozzie . I just wish it hadnt taken me so long to figure that out.

Yeah, I wish the same thing about myself.

I think it depends on the employer. I've had some that actually cared and some that didn't. In any case, like you said, the "employer" doesn't matter so much as your immediate boss. If they'll go to bat for you, it makes a huge difference. If they won't, then the job stinks.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I now know, that "I" am much more important then any job and I will never let myself get into that position again.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">



I agree with Ozzie - very self-affirming statement, Jen!

Yeah, you're right. When I had the bad boss, I wrote a letter to the CEO and they did nada. Forget HR, cuz my boss was the director and vp of HR. She was so bad, she got ppl to spy on me - and reported back to her. She also yelled at me out in the open where everyone can hear. Harassment was one of the biggest thing she did.

I'm so glad my boss now is nice. I'm afraid to tell him about my mental ilnesses though. Can't risk it.

>>Honestly, I do not beleive that employers "care" about the well being of their employee's.

I did have one boss once that I really believe cared about his employees. He made no bones about this, acknowledging that the "business" was his primary interest but that keeping his employees happy was very important to keeping the business successful.

Of course I've had other bosses say this, but this one really seemed to understand the concept. He paid us well, he allowed me to grow and expand my responsibilities, was flexible and understanding with illness, etc.

I wish I were still at that job... really what I wish was that that job still existed for me... but things change.

Oh thanks. I suppose the anxity does me good and bad. At least being so terrified allowed me to keep a job. lol. No it was hell and the thought of working full time is awful. I just don't know how I will handle it. It's so scary. I only work about 12 hours a week at the moment. It's up to the t to say when I'm well enough to go back to work full time. I'm dreading it. I can barely do the job that i have now. hope I find a good boss when that time comes.