I never finish anything, time for disability

(Just a note, I posted this in general social chat on accident, I had the wrong window open, sorry, not a re post)

I'm halfway through my associates degree, i'm one semester away from signing up for my nursing courses, I had great grades and my teaches loved me. One day I woke up and out of the blue I decided that everything was just too hard, I couldn't think as good as before, I couldn't memorize my notes and I gave up. I went from knowing what I wanted and going after it to just not caring.
Now I can add another notch to my belt of never finishing anything. I have never been at a job for over 14 months. I want to finish my associates degree but I already know what will happen! I'm to the point that i'm thinking about asking my doctor about disability, at least that will be one stable thing I can do in my life.
EVERYBODY I know thinks I just give up on things, but really that isn't so. For some reason I change, I can't really describe it, it's weird. I felt myself over a period of 2-3 weeks declining and I couldn't remember what was talked about in class or I had to read a paragraph over and over and I STILL couldn't remember or comprehend what it was about, But before I could look at it once and I immediately knew it.
Do you know how it feels to know the potential you are capable of? To know that you are actually one smart cookie, but no matter how hard you try or force yourself you can't tap into that knowledge? I feel like i'm looking out a foggy mirror at myself and wondering where I went. It kills me to know that if I wasn't bipolar I could have achieved so much, and instead of pushing away all the great people I have met I could have some really great friends. Or I could at least talk to my family sometimes instead of hitting ignore on my phone.
I'm to the point of saying the hell with finishing college or trying to maintain a job for over a year I've tried several times and eventually I loose my motivation and I end up never showing back at a great job, no notice or anything, I just quit. No call, no show! I never missed a day and I excelled in my work and loved my job!
I think Ii'm going to sign up for disability to help my husband out. He makes great money but sometimes I feel useless because I can't pitch in for food or a fishing trip. It sucks....... but this is my life, and I have to live with it....

I hear ya. My brain just goes weird - info I try to put in is like water off a duck's back

I did the same thing with college, one semester in. I wasn't overwhelmed, really. Just bored. I never went back and I still kick myself for it sometimes. I've done that with jobs before though. Got overwhelmed and just walked out. Right now, I work for myself ad I doubt I'd be stable enough to handle working outside the home. I'm too easily stressed out. Too easily set off. It's just not a good idea.

I've thought about getting disability too, but I haven't filed or anything.

In order to get anything decent from SSD, you have to have worked a certain number of quarters and paid into the system. Then I think you get a percentage of whatever your last salary was, or an average of all your salaries. Something like that. All I know is, I went from making over 2,000 a month, to getting 550 from SSD. So if you can keep working, do it. Your life will be easier. If you truly can't do it any longer, that's when you apply. Get your T, pdoc, and hopefully gp on your side. A history of recent hospitalizations helps.

More on disability realities. If you haven't worked at least 10 years, then you won't qualify for SSD but could qualify for SSI. For SSI here, they give out less than $700 a month. But, they evaluate your need based on the income of the entire household. They would include your husband's income so even if you qualify for SSI you wouldn't get anything if your household income is too high. I don't believe that SSD considers household income because you have "earned" it. SSI is considered more in the lines of welfare so it is based on disability and financial need.

Yeah it's not a good idea, just having a bad day I guess. I'll get over it and kick my butt into gear. I just need to try harder and learn to cope with my problems better. Thanks

Wow-I really could have written verbatim what you're going through. I am 4 classes, just 1 semester, away from getting my Associates and I quit 2 weeks ago. I know that I'll go back, but I can't finish this semester and probably won't go back until fall. I feel like you, like I can't remember what I need to, that I'll always manage to screw things up right before I finish them, that I won't ever be able to hold a job.

BUT- I did finish school years and years ago, I got my LPN license as a single mom. I have worked steadily for years, I job hopped but I was always employed, just with different companies. I only stopped working after having surgery 3 years ago that keeps me from physically doing my job. So, I know I *can* do this and I *will* do it, just not right now-because it's more important that I keep myself from spinning out of control and hurting my family.

I know you'll finish it, just maybe not this semester or next semester. But, you'll do it and then you'll be so enormously proud of yourself because you muscled through and did something you didn't think that you could. I hope this doesn't come off harshly, but I printed this out and stuck it on my desk when I was screaming and throwing my calculator trying to figure out factoring in algebra a year ago:

Algebra equation of the day: (Your goals) - (Your doubts) = Your reality.