[argv]

Ok, so a few months ago I got told I was bipolar, 14 years after the doctors told me I was ADHD.

So, now I'm looking at myself through a different set of glasses and finding these things that I thought were ADHD symptoms and realizing they are not. I've always known I was 'moody' but that can be ADHD as well, I just didn't realize the extent to which my moods can swing, and how often.. which is fairly often, sometimes many times in a day it feels like.

Given this unstable, unreliable mind of mine, how does one go about dating? Do you tell a person you want to date about it? I've never had problems in the past really with dating, except getting pissed off easily and breaking up with people for small things, even if it was only my own perception and paranoia.

[ManicDad]

I didn't mention it to dates/potential girlfriends until I had a fairly good idea that we were going to be seeing each other a while. I didn't want to come right out with it in case it scared anyone off. I wanted them to get to know me first, for who I am, then drop the bomb. I can honestly say, I didn't have a single one that had an issue with my telling her. Of course, a few of them had issues with my behavior later, but you know. That's probably my fault for being an unmedicated mess most of the time.

Take your time and get to know someone first, before you tell them about your diagnosis. It's hard to really gauge how a person will react, but try to get a good idea of the type of person they are first. If you can tell they're a person who is not going to overreact and presume the worst, tell them and take it from there.

[roads]

In the past, did you warn people you were dating that you would
--get pissed off with them easily?
--eventually break up with them over something small (possibly imagined)?

... and if not, why would you warn them of anything now? It's not as if you're contagious and need to give people fair warning so that they can take precautionary measures.

[argv]

Originally Posted by ManicDad

I didn't mention it to dates/potential girlfriends until I had a fairly good idea that we were going to be seeing each other a while. I didn't want to come right out with it in case it scared anyone off. I wanted them to get to know me first, for who I am, then drop the bomb. I can honestly say, I didn't have a single one that had an issue with my telling her. Of course, a few of them had issues with my behavior later, but you know. That's probably my fault for being an unmedicated mess most of the time.

Take your time and get to know someone first, before you tell them about your diagnosis. It's hard to really gauge how a person will react, but try to get a good idea of the type of person they are first. If you can tell they're a person who is not going to overreact and presume the worst, tell them and take it from there.

Hmm.. I just like being honest and don't want to waste their time. I figure if they can't handle me being myself (which apparently is BP), then I don't even want to get to know them. It feels like I'm wasting my time and her's. I've found that most girls don't care so much, they just want to be loved for who they are and stuff. I can manage that, I just have things like problems sleeping, irritability, moodiness, and a tendency to get pissed really easy. but I got all the love in the world most of the time!

[argv]

Originally Posted by Roadie

In the past, did you warn people you were dating that you would
--get pissed off with them easily?
--eventually break up with them over something small (possibly imagined)?

... and if not, why would you warn them of anything now? It's not as if you're contagious and need to give people fair warning so that they can take precautionary measures.

In the past I always blamed it on the girl, not me. They would do something little and dumb, and I would blow it up and storm off or make a big scene. Never knowing that it was ME who really had the majority of the problems. I didn't know that until a few months ago. I'm still going through and saying "holy crap, I did this, and I did that, and I said this and that.." ugh. It's not easy going through your whole life being crazy and blaming it on everyone else, just to find out that it's mostly you.

However, my new found knowledge of myself will hopefully help, but I've told a few people that have seen me get all drunk and crazy about my condition. anyways, I just am wondering how my new knowledge might affect things. I'm interested to find out when I find another chick.

[bipolarmedstudent]

When I start dating a new guy, I let him know about my mental illnesses early on (within the first few weeks). I think that's the best way to do it. For some people it will be a deal breaker. If that's the case, I want to know early on, before I get too attached.

[SmokeyPoole2012]

Honesty is always the best policy relationships can't survive without it. But I don't scare people off by being painfully blunt. If I'm having an episode of mania or isolating because I'm depressed I just explain that I'm not feeling well but the Dr. gave me some medication to help me "Feel" better. Most of the people I've dated just say "Oh" and never ask for details (those are the ones who have no real interest in me) others who have asked me to explain appreciate the honesty.

If I'm going to spend time with someone I want that person to be able to handle me and all my flaws! So letting them know is pretty much a must.

Originally Posted by argv

Given this unstable, unreliable mind of mine, how does one go about dating? Do you tell a person you want to date about it? I've never had problems in the past really with dating, except getting pissed off easily and breaking up with people for small things, even if it was only my own perception and paranoia.

Why do you want to date? To get married? Have kids?

What do you want to enjoy out of life? I am the same way. I feel too screwed up to date women. It usually ends with me feeling way too intense and them being scared off. I am a control freak I think. A very non-violent, passive one who talks about his feelings way too ****ing much.

Every time I text, email or give a girl I phone call, you almost hear the silent, 'please respond' after every sentence.

I think I'm too weird to have a wife. I honestly do. I am unstable.

I think I'm going to just have to find a hobby and then just hire a prostitute every couple weeks to keep from getting lonely. That though, in itself, is depressing.

I told only my bf. I dated before him but nothing serious and no one I ended up having interest in after few dates. I told him probably a three weeks in. Honesty is important yes. Giving the person time to get to know the real you is important too. If you drag it out too long it could seem like lying through omission, to me anyways. I would only tell though if I am seriously interested, if I think the person is going to be around for quite a while.

My b had NO knowledge of Bipolar except for one episode of ER he saw, so haha it didn't leave him with a good impression. But I explained it to him and how it affects me. It opened discussion and he had his own illness to tell me about.

[LiteraryLark]

To me, BP is not a big deal at all. If they want to know, I can tell them about it. It's nothing I'm ashamed of. We all have our demons.

My bff is OCD and my best guy friend is ADHD, it really doesn't matter. They're wonderful people and only true friends won't think less of me because I'm bp.

As far as dating, I don't mention it unless I think they are worth it. And I don't tell them my whole life story, i just say "yeah, I'm bp, no big deal.'

[Merlin]

I work in mental health and addictions, so when I tell people about my job, I get an idea of what they think about people with mental illness. I think I would want to tell before I chose to get intimate with someone, then again, I would disclose my sexual abuse before I was intimate in case I freaked out.

[Butterflies Are Free]

I think I would say something after the third or fourth date.

[argv]

Originally Posted by bipolarmedstudent

When I start dating a new guy, I let him know about my mental illnesses early on (within the first few weeks). I think that's the best way to do it. For some people it will be a deal breaker. If that's the case, I want to know early on, before I get too attached.

that's pretty much how I feel.

[argv]

Originally Posted by NotCrazyLikeYou

Why do you want to date? To get married? Have kids?

What do you want to enjoy out of life? I am the same way. I feel too screwed up to date women. It usually ends with me feeling way too intense and them being scared off. I am a control freak I think. A very non-violent, passive one who talks about his feelings way too ****ing much.

Every time I text, email or give a girl I phone call, you almost hear the silent, 'please respond' after every sentence.

I think I'm too weird to have a wife. I honestly do. I am unstable.

I think I'm going to just have to find a hobby and then just hire a prostitute every couple weeks to keep from getting lonely. That though, in itself, is depressing.

To be honest, I feel the same way. I have the occasional girlfriend, but I know women are looking for a stable guy and I'm not that. It's all I can do to just keep myself together sometimes. I sleep weird hours, I'm up and down.. with meds it's not so bad, but yeah. I dunno. I'm not the worlds greatest looking dude, though not completely ugly (well, depending on who you talk to I guess..) Hmm.. I don't want to be alone though.. I like having a girlfriend to love and to be happy with.

The other problem is that I'm picky. I might be single for a while this time around. I want someone really good this time. The next girlfriend I have will be the first one since my dx. hmm.. I dunno.. we'll see what happens. In the meantime, I just ordered this really ugly disco outfit, and I'm gonna go dancing at the casino next weekend and not give a **** about anything.

[argv]

Thank you everyone that posted their ideas and opinions.

I guess my basic thing is, I want to put it out there soon, because it does feel like lying through omission as someone had stated. I feel like I'm lying, and it's not cool (to me anyways) to get someone to like me (cause I'm a pretty likable guy), and then say "oh, by the way, I have a condition that might screw everything up.." I wouldn't put it in those words, but I have to be honest.

Besides that, I like people to know why I 'space off' during conversations, or why I don't talk much, or why I go from happy to sad to angry in a matter of minutes. Many ex girlfriends have complained about that. "Well you were so happy a minute ago, what happened?!?!" and I never knew until now. So my mood changes perhaps many times in a day and I want them to know that there is a reason for it. If I suddenly become agitated and irritable and unfriendly, there is a reason for it.. it's not something about them.

if that makes any sense.

Originally Posted by argv

If I suddenly become agitated and irritable and unfriendly, there is a reason for it.. it's not something about them.

With some women, your mom could have died, you could have just found out you had cancer, you had all your possessions stolen or lost your job and they would not care. All they care about is how you make them feel. It's not about logic with some people. It's not about reason. It's not about having diagnoses that explains a bunch of symptoms or your personality.

Some people will just take everything you do personally without considering, nor caring, why you're that way and not some other way. It's not about having a good excuse. It's about finding someone who accepts you for all your faults and flaws.

No one is like that! Hardly any.

Well, okay. I sometimes read the relationships forum on this site. The amount of crap some women put up with (allegedly) is amazing. I read those things and think, "good god, I've never had a woman be that understanding." Of course, I think these women are lying anyway. They're victims and have messiah complexes. LOL Oh well.

Either way, I want a woman even half-way resembling some of the girls who post on that forum. I swear a lot of the threads start, "So my husband just murdered our children, set the house on fire and got herpes from a prostitute. He says the coffee I make is too sweet, any tips on how to make it less sweet, thanx"

Ship those girls to my house.

Ship any girl to my house who actually listens to me when I say, "I'm bipolar, I'm sorry I get moody. It's a chemical thing, the doctors think. I really love you."... instead, I get, "yeah, well, you're gong to have to change because I'm not going to put up with you waking up at 2 in the morning and wanting to talk about making a movie set in our backyard. That's too much... TOO MUCH!"

I want the girl who loves the murderer guys. I would make cakes with homemade buttercream.

[bipolarmedstudent]

Originally Posted by NotCrazyLikeYou

With some women, your mom could have died, you could have just found out you had cancer, you had all your possessions stolen or lost your job and they would not care. All they care about is how you make them feel. It's not about logic with some people. It's not about reason. It's not about having diagnoses that explains a bunch of symptoms or your personality.

Some people will just take everything you do personally without considering, nor caring, why you're that way and not some other way. It's not about having a good excuse. It's about finding someone who accepts you for all your faults and flaws.

No one is like that! Hardly any.

Well, okay. I sometimes read the relationships forum on this site. The amount of crap some women put up with (allegedly) is amazing. I read those things and think, "good god, I've never had a woman be that understanding." Of course, I think these women are lying anyway. They're victims and have messiah complexes. LOL Oh well.

Either way, I want a woman even half-way resembling some of the girls who post on that forum. I swear a lot of the threads start, "So my husband just murdered our children, set the house on fire and got herpes from a prostitute. He says the coffee I make is too sweet, any tips on how to make it less sweet, thanx"

Ship those girls to my house.

Ship any girl to my house who actually listens to me when I say, "I'm bipolar, I'm sorry I get moody. It's a chemical thing, the doctors think. I really love you."... instead, I get, "yeah, well, you're gong to have to change because I'm not going to put up with you waking up at 2 in the morning and wanting to talk about making a movie set in our backyard. That's too much... TOO MUCH!"

I want the girl who loves the murderer guys. I would make cakes with homemade buttercream.

LOL!!!

You want those girls? Be good-looking and great in bed.

Huh. Wow.

Alright then. Let's see. Argv, I totally see your concerns. I'm of the mind that it's important for someone to know, but not too early. I hate when anyone tells me too much right off the bat, not just romantically. It's very off-putting. It does tell me more than I want to know about them, and I'm not just talking about the direct info conveyed.
Just a general observation of "too much upfront" human interaction.

Everyone puts their best foot forward when starting out. There is nothing wrong with that, and it is not deceptive. It simply is. Because it inclines people to want to get to know each other. Other things might be deal-breakers too. Should we all just make a list and immediately hand it to someone? Probably not. Don't hold back the info forever, but give them a chance to get to know you, so they can assess the whole deal. You are more than your BP.

Sooo... yes, but see where it is going first. I disclosed at the same time I made another big confession (hell, get 'em all out of the way, right? ), one, because it was easier that way, and two, because I'd started to observe that he seemed to think me a little *too* wonderful, and the notion needed dispelling. I am hard to live with. (We were corresponding via email, so, well, we all know how easy perception distortion is there anyway...)

Turned out, he's f***** up in the head too. Together, we are a fabulous disaster, lol.

(Haha, just realized how that might come off. Not recommending looking for someone messed up(!) I've got mileage in both other person stable/other person unstable relationships and can say that both have their rewards and challenges. Stable's probably actually better, as long as the judgemental thing can be avoided...You'll find those people listed in the book of saints. Totally kidding there. However, they will tend to be patient people(!))

[gigi8032]

If u are starting to care for the person. I say tell them and maybe buy a book on BP so u can educate them. My boyfriend didn't tell me and then he spiraled into an episode and I couldn't help him cope and as a result he quit me. I'm trying to get him to understand that I want to be here for him and that I love him but its very hard. So please share and educate. People are more understanding than u think.