[MyUserName]

Hi there. Em, i need a little bit of insight into bi-polar. For a while now i
have suspected that i may suffer from it. However, although i may find
myself on the spectrum, i dont know what it actully takes to be accross
the line and enter bi-polar.

It would be good it anybody could give me some insight into their
experiences with it. I know i should go to a dr and what-have-you, but one
thing (and sorry if this offends) i fear is that ill be labeled and drugged up
for life. Now, i dont have anything against meds, i just had a bad
experience when i was on them and for that reason, fear being back on
them. I will add that i binge a lot and do take xanax regulary for anxiety,
so this may also be having effect on my moods.

But i need to find some sort of stability from somewhere. My therapist told
me she could be 99.9% sure im not. Which in one way came as a relief,
but, in another sence, it left me in the dark about my mood swings. I may
just be up and down a lot! But id like to hear of your experiences with
bi-polar if you'd like to share with me.

Thanks for reading And replying, if you do!

[Miss Laura]

Hey MyUserName,

Bipolar for me came at a really bad time in my life.

I have always suffered from depression since I was 13 years old. This got worse of the years and I started to self harm and think of sui

I went to the GP and was diagnosised as having sever depression. Then on a few occassion while at the GP's I was "manic" "anxious" "nervous". My GP suggested Bipolar. Said she wanted to be sure so monitored me.

Manic episode 1 came when I went to a wedding in England and broke up with my then BF of 4 weeks. Fun 8 hour train journey home lol! Also at the wedding had unprotective sex with an other guy and spend roughly £300 on alcohol alone oooops!!! Fab night though.

Manic episode 2 came on a drunken night out with my colleagues spent £200 on alcohol. Oooops again!

By this point I went into a full blown depression and ended up trying to take my own life twice. I was put on anti-depressants and sent to see a Psychitrist. By the time I saw the Psych I was "fine" no issues as I was back at work and feeling fine. This was in May 2010 by the July I was as high as a kite. Again sent back to see Psych who after a month of notes from GP and a mood diary from me diagnosised Bipolar Type 1 in Oct 2010. He always knew I was bipolar. But unsure of the type.

Have been on a Mood Stabliser and an Anti-Psychotic since November 2010 and have had to battle the ups and downs but with support. Med adjustments have also helped.

[BipolaRNurse]

OK, I'll bite.

If there's something to be said for bipolar (well, there is, but most of it would probably violate PC's Terms of Service), it's that it is NEVER boring. We just don't know from month to month, or sometimes even day to day, how well we'll be able to cope with life and all the stuff it throws at us. It's hard to make commitments when we don't know how we're going to feel when the time comes.

That said, a friend of mine puts it this way: "Having bipolar disorder is like seeing everything in the world as poetry---the highs, the lows, the pain, the wonder, the intensity of it all....sometimes overwhelming, but always worthwhile."

[touchingsaturn]

Originally Posted by BipolaRNurse

"Having bipolar disorder is like seeing everything in the world as poetry---the highs, the lows, the pain, the wonder, the intensity of it all....sometimes overwhelming, but always worthwhile."

i must add to that quote... it is, in truth, all those things, but unfortunately we do not always see it - the totality of the journey - as worthwhile..

being bipolar & actually dealing with it is a very character building experience.. i can understand not wanting to be labeled & deal with the stigma or social response to being officially diagnosed...

that being said, i cannot fathom how i would function if i was truly experiencing the mental shifts that come along with bipolar ... without having medication and knowledge needed to appropriately address all the issues that come as part of the package..

i would rather be diagnosed & then equipped with the tools i need to survive.. and in time thrive, even... and be misunderstood and judged by the rest of the world.. than to personally, internally, be floundering through life with fits of ups and downs and no real way to deal with it or cope with it... constantly grasping at straws just to get by..

yes, there are people who will judge you if you're diagnosed, and people who will shun you, distance themselves from you.. misunderstand the entire disorder & not even be aware of their own ignorance of the truth of the illness...

but, you will know.. and you will be able to more effectively deal with what's going on internally... and you just build from there..

if you want to read what i and some others have experienced physically in dealing with bipolar, there is a thread entitled "being bipolar - the physical experience" located at

http://forums.psychcentral.com/showthread.php?t=225080

i hope that you do whatever you need to do for yourself... to live, to live well.. and to take care of yourself as best you can

[faerie_moon_x]

One main thing for me is I can't think the way I used to. Meaning, I can't think clearly. Things are always foggy, blurry, jumbled, going too fast, and confusing. I can't read (could barely make it through your post, for example,) but I used to read novels. I can't just do one thing, no focus. I forget things all the time. When I feel good, it's like coming up for air, because mostly I'm lost in this jumble of racing thoughts.

[BipolaRNurse]

Originally Posted by dark_heart_x

One main thing for me is I can't think the way I used to. Meaning, I can't think clearly. Things are always foggy, blurry, jumbled, going too fast, and confusing. I can't read (could barely make it through your post, for example,) but I used to read novels. I can't just do one thing, no focus. I forget things all the time. When I feel good, it's like coming up for air, because mostly I'm lost in this jumble of racing thoughts.

I was the same way during my mixed episode. Still can't even imagine reading an actual book, even though I used to be a voracious reader and could finish a 900-page book in 3 days if it was a good one.

My concentration has gotten a lot better in recent weeks, but I still haven't regained my customary attention span......hopefully that will come as things continue to improve all the way around. For a while I was afraid I was developing early-onset Alzheimer's, but my pdoc said it was part of my particular brand of BP and not to worry too much because my memory would pick up when the meds started working. Now I can even remember some stuff without having to write it down on sticky notes.

[Anneinside]

If your therapist is 99.9% sure you don't have bipolar, you might ask her if you actually have a mental illness or personality disorder. She may have a diagnosis in mind. I believe that to get reinbursement from insurance there has to be a diagnosis, even if it is just something like adjustment disorder.

[touchingsaturn]

i would recommend seeking the opinion of a licensed psychiatrist... but i agree with anneinside that whatever diagnosis you eventually arrive at, it is worth finding out so you can effectively treat it