[lori5780]

I have a lot of anxiety I feel going on now. One anxiety provoking event keeps piling onto another. I don't know how much more I can take. I want to kill myself, I fantasize about it, but I am not going to do it yet. But I want to. I hate myself and I am so depressed.
The only thing right now keeping me from killing myself is the fear that I would not succeed and I do not want to end up in the hospital. I would kill myself if I new it would definately work. But I won't know and I'm not at risk of doing it for the time being. And I don't see my therapist until a week from now. I need some helpful words from others who understand how I am feeling!

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[Moose72]

I hear you. I've been bad enough to go to psych ER several times this year so far.

My thought is that you should go to the psych ER yourself from what you have typed how you're feeling. I know it's a pain but better to hang out all night at psych ER than to suffer any more. Go be safe. Please.

[Living Well]

Yes, if there are suicide services available, by all means use them.

Suicidality is a temporary state that will go away.

Go to your gp and ask for a referral to a psychiatrist, and a psychologist if gp referrals help in your area, if you don't already have both practitioners .

Combining meds and therapy does much more than either modality on their own.

Suicidality and depression is managable. That you know you are working with bipolar helps the doctors know what to suggest to you might be the next best step to having the anxiety and depression subside and you to be able to enjoy things more.

Hugs,

Jade x

[lbrown1]

Originally Posted by lori5780

I have a lot of anxiety I feel going on now. One anxiety provoking event keeps piling onto another. I don't know how much more I can take. I want to kill myself, I fantasize about it, but I am not going to do it yet. But I want to. I hate myself and I am so depressed.
The only thing right now keeping me from killing myself is the fear that I would not succeed and I do not want to end up in the hospital. I would kill myself if I new it would definately work. But I won't know and I'm not at risk of doing it for the time being. And I don't see my therapist until a week from now. I need some helpful words from others who understand how I am feeling!

Sent from my PC36100 using Tapatalk 2

im sure sorry for how your feeling.. i just escaped my 7 month depression spell where I did try and I failed.. (but only because a friend showed up and found me) I was so angry at her a week later when I woke up. I didnt remember much of what happened and Just in the last couple weeks have I been able to be social or leave my house. I never dreamed I would really act on one of my "thoughts" and today I dont think I could ever do it again but it happened and I didnt have control of it. We cant make you go get help but you need someone to help you through this. I will keep you in my prayers.

[bowhunt72]

Just remember, "all things end". Even the bad ones. I know how you feel as much as a stranger can understand you feelings, I've been there many times myself including multiple times very recently.

The most important thing for now is to keep yourself safe. Get away from anything you might use to harm yourself. Call someone, a close family member, a trusted friend, and ask for help getting to the hospital. If you don't feel you have anyone you can trust, call your local suicide prevention hotline or a national one like 1-800-273-TALK (8255). If you feel you are in immediate danger, call 911. I know the rush of people coming in from a 911 call can be overwhelming, I spent my career doing just that, but you will get the help you need and get it fast.

I'm not going to blow sunshine up your *** and give you lots of happy reasons to live. That is something I still struggle with every day. Your reason to live can't be just for others, although that can be part of it. Your real reason has to come from deep inside yourself, and only you can find it. You posted here, that means you at least aren't completely sure you want to die. Hold onto that. If it helps to keep you going for now, it can grow and help you find a reason you truly want to stay alive.

Please go make a call, right now. Get help. Get to a safe place with others around. I know the ER is a pain, I was just there again myself, but it kept my alive until I could settle down and stabilize myself a little. Keep looking inside yourself for that one little spark, that one little reason to keep going.

These aren't works coming from a therapist or a pdoc or any other kind of expect, just someone who has also struggled with suicide many times. I've been down, I've been beaten, I've been hospitalized many times, but I'm still here and trying my best to fight. Keep looking around the forums after you make your call. There is much wisdom and good advice here from people who are far more knowledgeable than me. Keep posting as soon as you can and let us know how you're doing. I know we're just a bunch of strangers online, but this is a tight knight community and we care about each other. Let us help care for you too.

Stay safe and take care of yourself.