[QuietSufferer]

I have been dealing with my bipolar the best I can, telling myself these episodes are short lived and will pass.

My husband knows about my disorder, but I think his fear of something actually being wrong with me causes him to deny it even exists saying I am just moody or emotional. He loves me more than I can even comprehend, but I don't want him to know when I am feeling like this because in some odd way he feels like it is something he is/has done wrong or that somehow he is making me unhappy.

I can't even tell sometimes whether I am depressed or manic, I haven't had a true manic episode in over 2 years or a true depressive episode in over 3 years. I'm kind of stuck in a mixed state right now and it scares me so much.

I am attending online college courses and this episode has lasted for over a week now, I now have 6 assignments that I know are due/late but I can't concentrate or focus long enough to accomplish anything. My house is a disaster and I just feel so incredibly overwhelmed. My thoughts are so scattered right now I have basically shut down. I can't get anything done. I'm not even sure what I intend to accomplish by writing this except that I just need someone to know how I feel, someone who knows that this thing...these feelings are inside of me and not a result of anything going on around me. I don't want anyone to feel guilty or at fault for my feelings, I just need someone to listen and understand.


QuietSufferer

[Victoria'smom]

I know exactly how you feel. If you can slowly write a list of things you need help with that others can help with. Did you go to the disability office at any time? Can you contact them now to help extend your due dates for now or get I's until you complete current overdue assignments?

[Towanda]

I am also bipolar and a student and my moods rapid cycle like crazy. One thing I found that helps me stay on track is to keep a calendar with all my assignments, tests, papers, etc. I keep a separate daily list with whatever I have to do for just that day. That way, if I look at it a day at a time, it doesn't seem so overwhelming that I simply give up and shut down. So try not to look at it as six assignments - can you do at least one, and ask for extensions on the other five?

I kinda know what you mean when you talk about your husband. Mine always feels bad when I'm depressed - keeps asking me if he's done something. I have to keep reassuring him that it's not his fault, that it's just my illness and that it will pass, as always. It is hard on the people that love us, isn't it?

Good luck - please post again and let us know how you're doing

I have mixed episodes/cycling. They are rapid too. I know what it's like to start one thing, and have the other things that need to get done stop me. It really is overwhelming and the only thing that I find that I can do is catch up and get the house and everything around me in order. Get my surrounding organized and then I can at least stay on track with what I should be doing. I understand being overwhelmed like that. During those times, my family is great because they will all take a day with me and get everything around the house caught up. It makes all the difference in the world to me. Maybe for you too?

Good luck!