For once, I want to be stable

I think I would love to know how it feels to be stable for more than a month at a time. I grow immune to medications easily, a lot of the ones I am taking now are my second or third go at them. My episodes have become less and less controllable as time passes. Being able to handle momentary symptoms is even becoming difficult. I suffer from a severe lack of impulse control. That mixed with grandiose thinking or suicidal ideation is potentially life threatening. I feel like the disease is taking over and like I have no control. I know, I know, there are things that I have control over in the moment and all that crap, but I want to go to bed at a normal time, sleep a normal amount, and wake up the next morning knowing who I am going to be that day.
Sincerely,
Tray