[bluematador]

I am learning not to fight the depressions so much. When I fight the depression the anxiety that goes with it gets worse. My first impulse is to try and run away from it. I try to find things to do to distract myself from it. I go into denial then it hits me like a train wreck. Now I just try and prepare for it. I collect supplies. I go shopping so I won't have to leave the house. I get bath salts, aroma therapy candles and tea. I try and use my imagination and creative visualization. I tend to lie on the floor for days . I visualize my body becoming an ancient snake, I am thousands of years old, my heavy scales beat the dust and the universe with all of it's mysteries shimmer and reflect from my scales. This is a time of death so something new can rise from the primordial dust and be reborn. I slither and cry exploring the ache and tension in my muscles and nerves snake dancing in the shadows. I stop fighting and let the gravity take me down into the weight of its arms. I know it will not last forever. I will dance in the light again.

[cookfan56]

Originally Posted by bluematador

I am learning not to fight the depressions so much. When I fight the depression the anxiety that goes with it gets worse. My first impulse is to try and run away from it. I try to find things to do to distract myself from it. I go into denial then it hits me like a train wreck. Now I just try and prepare for it. I collect supplies. I go shopping so I won't have to leave the house. I get bath salts, aroma therapy candles and tea. I try and use my imagination and creative visualization. I tend to lie on the floor for days . I visualize my body becoming an ancient snake, I am thousands of years old, my heavy scales beat the dust and the universe with all of it's mysteries shimmer and reflect from my scales. This is a time of death so something new can rise from the primordial dust and be reborn. I slither and cry exploring the ache and tension in my muscles and nerves snake dancing in the shadows. I stop fighting and let the gravity take me down into the weight of its arms. I know it will not last forever. I will dance in the light again.

Bluematador, I wish I could tell you. I cannot. I am in the middde of a dark, horrible place right now. I tend to isolate. Because of terrible anxiety, it's very hard for me to even go out for groceries. Going to my daughter's school events/activities is almost impossible, but I force myself. The rest of my family is "normal" (thank God), but there are many days that I just don't think I can take another minute of this.

I have been on almost every drug known to man, and I have been at this for 30 years. The only thing I haven't done is ECT due to fear. Just know that there are many of us here like you, holding on, and we care. I think I will get myself some bath salts and candles, that's one thing I haven't done.

[faerie_moon_x]

I tend to be a fighter. I am the only one working and my job doesn't care that I have this. So I drag myself out of bed, pick up my sword and shield, and ride off to war in my head every day. My life does not allow me time to rest or lay down or relax for very long. I am always on the go. I try not to sit at my desk and cry. I try to focus on my work. I try really hard not to melt down at work or in front of everyone... doesn't alawys work.

It's like I wear a mask on the outside. I used to be an actress, so I use those skills to play the role of "happy secretary" while inside my head I'm battling the storm.

[bluematador]

I wish I could do that. That pull of gravity is too strong for me. I become severely agoraphobic. All my senses become heightened to the extent leaving the house becomes impossible. I've survived by being self employed most of my life. Now I'm a student doing most of my work online. When I drag myself out into the world like that I walk around trembling and weeping. People stare at me and it makes me feel even worse.

[bluematador]

Some friends dragged my off to an Asian women's spa when I was like that and it was really nourishing. They had dark silent aroma therapy rooms with heated floors and herbal steam rooms. Unfortunately it's too expensive for frequent visits. I try to recreate the spa like atmosphere at home with my candles and bath salts.

Originally Posted by cookfan56

Bluematador, I wish I could tell you. I cannot. I am in the middde of a dark, horrible place right now. I tend to isolate. Because of terrible anxiety, it's very hard for me to even go out for groceries. Going to my daughter's school events/activities is almost impossible, but I force myself. The rest of my family is "normal" (thank God), but there are many days that I just don't think I can take another minute of this.

I have been on almost every drug known to man, and I have been at this for 30 years. The only thing I haven't done is ECT due to fear. Just know that there are many of us here like you, holding on, and we care. I think I will get myself some bath salts and candles, that's one thing I haven't done.

[faerie_moon_x]

I used to be very isolating when I was depressed. But then we were so poor we had no food, no diapers for my baby, I lost my oldest son... the trauma of being without enough to eat, not being able to take care of my baby, to lose a whole person from my life... The memory of that trauma drives me as if the devil himself were on my heels.

[Merlin]

I've learning to evaluate when to fight and when to accept the depression (ironically the depression dissipates faster when I accept it.) When I need to be functional, I fight with tooth and nail to accomplish what I need to do. When I don't, I accept that I am depressed and I take care of myself. I try to eat well, socialize and exercise if I can, but I don't beat myself up if I can't. I try to accomplish something, but don't beat myself up if I don't. I try to get a good sleep, but don't beat myself up if I don't. I try to focus on positive thoughts, but don't beat myself up if I don't.

[rpl10101]

I used to try and make myself think happy thoughts, but now I don't know what to do because I know there's probably nothing I can do anyways lol