Lately, whenever I log in and read posts, I get angry. Angry that others have to feel that way. Angry that when I read them, it brings me back, remembering what it felt like to feel that way. When it brings me back, I can feel it again. definitely a trigger. ugh.

But, the truth is, I don't feel that way anymore. I'm at a point that I can stop obsessing and just cope and get on with life. Have been for a while now. I can't keep reading the posts of those that are there. in that place.

So I am moving on. It's a good thing. Everyone has to move on sooner or later. I think that it's a good thing, a good sign, a sign that this site has worked like intended.

I mean, that is the whole point, right? A site for those that are in need. A site for those that need to learn how to cope and get by.

But what about after a person has taken what he or she has learned and successfully applied it to their own life? What then?

Some might say that it is the responsibility of that person to stay and share what they have learned and help others in the same fashion that they were helped.

Others might say that moving on is a good thing, that healing and growing has occurred and that moving on is a positive thing.

I am for the latter.

I'm not going to stay, because I have to put myself first. And reading the posts on here just brings me back to places that I don't have to go. I have a choice in this matter now, and I'm not going to put myself through anything that I do not have to.

So selfish as it may seem to some, I am seriously leaving and getting on with my life. I can't include this site in my life anymore cuz it just brings me back to the times when I was unstable and it really messes with my moods.

anyways, thought I would provide an explanation to those that are left that might wonder where I have gone.

I have been kind of an *** on here lately. sounding pissed off and all. I just can't go there anymore, and anger comes out instead. anger at the fact that the posts are encouraging me to feel that way, anger that others aren't where I am at and are still struggling.

ugh....

I think I have explained myself thoroughly. Not to sound like an *** again, but I do know that I don't owe an explanation, but providing one seems like the right thing to do.

Not looking for opinions on this either. Or arguments about what I wrote. Ugh.... that's all I think about anymore on here. If this person agrees or that person agrees. I just don't care anymore if someone agrees or not. Hell, if I stayed on here I would seek out a fight with some of the members. Ones who bashed me before when I was super vulnerable. Well, I'm not so vulnerable anymore, and I do have this urge to seek them out and finish what they started a long time ago.

But..... that's just another reason to get off of here. No one needs that. and turning these boards into a war zone would only complicate issues farther for those that need to be on here. for those that actually use these boards for support and not just interjecting into conversations and never asking or needing support.

see, there I go again.

I have such strong feelings about some things, and they keep me safe, really.

oh well. Plz don't respond to this. The very, very last thing I desire is for any one of you to ask me not to go. I'm not playing that attention game. I'm not playing at all. Just moving on.

sabby should have the account deleted by this weekend.

Bye!

[bluewave7]

I understand completely. I used to be on another forum when I was going through major instability and my helping others helped me to heal. When I was really well for a time, I just wanted to get on with life, take my pills, work, go out, cook dinner, you know...all the normal stuff. So I left the forum because I felt I was becoming too attached to myself AS the illness. Unfortunately, BP happens...it can come back with a vengeance...I got a good reminder over the last 6 months of chaos and have hopefully developed more compassion for the suffering of others. I relate. But if I get really well again, I might not visit as often because I will be busy with other things. This site is a place for healing to me. You don't have to feel bad about it. Enjoy your wellness!!!

Oops....sorry...I did not read the last part where you asked us not to respond.

[faerie_moon_x]

I don't know if you'll see this, but good luck in the future. I hope everything keeps going well for you. It's good to hear that you've found your way.