falling apart and putting back together...

wow do the pieces of me get very scattered around! the self loathing and regret and panic at how bad it is in my mind. it's always worse than the last episode because this one included all the others.
...even life is against me it seems certain but it also seems to leave me be especially before I do... like lifes says..."well umm, ok, whatever buddy, you can go back to what you were doing...I'm busy"
and the pieces re-assemble little bit by bit

it's so uncomfortable being sick and I must hope more to get better than wanting to get worse....just one more hoping seems to do it I guess.
Life wants proof from me that I mean well, got a good heart....and the falling apart is the ultimate test

cos it hurts so bad

monkey