Crash and Burn

Remind me never to come off an SSRI without having a good supply of tranquilizers and a pile of 2x4's (to knock myself out with) before I do it.

I had three weeks of beautiful, blessed serenity, and then I had to go and stop the little teeny dose of Celexa I'd tapered down to. I should've been able to do it. My pdoc thought I'd be able to do it. Now, one short week later I'm a train wreck, and my family is already sick to death of my bad attitude and my constantly fluctuating moods and my unpredictability. This is like bipolar to the 10th power---I go up and down the mood scale several times a DAY---and it's wearing me out!! (to say nothing of what it's doing to my loved ones and my co-workers)

I'm trying to ride it out; my pdoc's been out of town and I just can't bring myself to bug the poor on-call doc again for what I'm sure is plain, good old-fashioned SSRI withdrawal. I upped the Zyprexa a notch, which helps for most of the workday and then wears off toward the late afternoon. But I've been absolutely horrible at home, and my family's starting to dread my being around---I'm pissy, sarcastic, paranoid, weepy, defiant, and giggly by turns---plus it's affecting the quality (and quantity) of my work.

I can hardly stand myself, so I can imagine why others are having trouble tolerating me these days. I'm normally a pretty nice person, but I feel like I'm turning into this crazy woman and I don't know why.......Sometimes I wonder if I shouldn't just toss everything I've been taking and start all over again; I was fine before I started messing around with all these pills! Then somebody will remind me that I was NOT 'fine' before I started messing around with all these pills, and the fact that I'm feeling an awful lot like I did then doesn't mean I'm not better overall.

But can I go back to normality before I lose it totally and wind up in the hospital for the first time in my life? I've never been THIS freaking mercurial before---wake up feeling a little down, then am having a great time by noon. Then by 3 I'm irritable, by 4 I'm so prickly I want to crawl out of my skin, and once I'm home, I'm crying in the bathroom by 6 and chewing out my spouse before bedtime.

Sorry if I'm rambling. I just needed to vent to folks who, unlike my family and most of my friends, are able to wrap their minds around this crap. If I don't understand it, how the hell are THEY gonna understand it??

That's hectic BPN I seem to have run into a verbal roadblock or something, but know that I am listening. Vent away my friend.

I know how ya feel, been there done that. Its hard on you and your family. Its good to vent, we all need it, i think it keeps us from actually exploding going on and off med. Is hard. Your body and mind trying to adjust.
I hope you can hang in there till your doc. Can help
Best of luck to ya

Bug the on-call p-doc, please, that is what s/he is paid for! Let them confirm that what you have is plain old SSRI withdrawal, not something else.

yeah, they have some meds to help you through the detox. I know on effexor, they sometimes will give low doses of say prozac to help the final step. won't know till you ask.

Agree with above posts... Best to ask the experts. Hope things improve for you really soon.

I white knuckled the withdrawals and survived lol. By the 3rd week I wanted to pack it in and save my family from my abusive words. It's not fun but I promise it will get better and you will be symptom free soon. Hang in there you will be ok.

I agree with the above replys ...

Know that you are not alone , vent here all you need to. Try and not beat yourself up over your moods going all over the place ..its a chemical thing not a personal defect ..

Be kind to yourself ((( Hugs )))

Thanks, y'all.

You know, even being a nurse doesn't mean I know it all. I have this annoying tendency to go slack-jawed stupid when faced with my own health problems, and that's where I'm at right now. I really haven't completely accepted my bipolar dx, so I imagine that makes all this even more difficult than it already is.......maybe deep down, I think that accepting it means surrendering to it and allowing it to be part of me.

Which, of course, it is, but while I can deal with that intellectually, no one seems to be able to explain it to my heart.