Anxiety with Mania?

For over a week now, I'm pretty sure I've caught myself in a manic state. I am happy as hell, sex drive is off the charts, bad things roll right off my back and I am confident in situations I am usually the exact opposite in.

Last night rolled around and I was supposed to get together with family at a brewery for a fish fry. I drove there after work as I had to met them there to get a ticket to the brewery tour. As I pulled up, I saw the line to get into the place was huge! I instantly panicked... but tried to ignore it. As I drove around I couldn't find a spot to park, there were people every where and my world felt like it was literally closing in on itself. I was hallucination and my vision made it seem like the world was literally sucking in around me. Cars that were driving on the opposite side of the road felt closer to me, people seemed to be flying towards me.

I knew I was having a panic attack and instantly started driving home. I didn't think about a damn thing I've learned in my recent therapy. I just said "screw this" and got home as quick as I could. Called my dad and said I couldn't make it. He got mad and was disappointed. I sat at home and felt like a totally failure. I ignored the therapy I've been in.

But the therapy still helped. I caught myself after I came down from my panic attack and just said "feel bad for tonight, tomorrow's a new day". Here I am, feeling awesome today.

Anyone else have anxiety during mania? Or am I mixed? This is the second panic attack I've had in a month after not having them for years. I hate them, hate the way they feel, but I survived and I think what I've learned in therapy has helped me greatly to not dwell on what felt like a failure.

Happens to me. For me, it is a "sensory overload" thing. Colours and sounds get to bright, yes the sounds are bright (like my senses get confused) and I can relate to feeling like people are coming at me, like you said. My thoughts can get so loud too and I start getting confused or I'll have the same repeating thought over and over closing in like humidity. It is weird while one moment I might find this fun, the next I'm panicked.

My understanding is that anxiety isn't a manic symptom but, it isn't uncommon.

I have this idea that the manic brain isn't really fast but slow at filtering what we'd normally filter so, what feels like racing thoughts and brighter colours is just awareness of thought and colour we'd normally ignore in order to function. I don't know, it came to me while "manic" lol.

I can't handle crowds anymore either.....not that I ever could, but it's gotten worse as I've grown older and my illness has progressed. Although I was only 21 when I had a panic attack at Disneyland---the Haunted House had broken down just as my new husband and I had gotten inside, and it was not only dark and crowded but everyone was taller than I. Not to mention the fact that it was about 200 degrees in there.....anyway, hubby had to put me up on a rail because I was LOSING IT and couldn't see over all those people.

To say I was embarrassed would be the understatement of the year; but that was when I seriously started being nervous around large groups. Nowadays I don't even bother to apologize for not wanting to go to places where I know it'll be crowded; I can't handle it. It doesn't mean I'm defective or crazy, and the same goes for you, RD. Good on you for realizing what the problem was in time to prevent decompensation, and if your Dad doesn't get it, that's just T.S. It's your mental health, and that has to be priority number 1.

What's strange is that sometimes, most times even, I am able to be in crowds and it doesn't get to me that much. It might bother me a little but if I breathe and remind myself I am okay, I am fine.

But then there are times like Friday where I just freak out and can't handle it. I was surprised it happened to me because I think I've been manic and I've been so confident with things I am normally not confident of. So I assumed the same would carry over to being in a crowd.

I do agree that it was TS for my dad and anyone else there who wanted to see me, thanks for saying that. Pick a less crowded place and I'll hang out with you, no problem. It just seems that, unfortunately, episodes like this make it much less likely that my friends and fam invite me places. They don't all know about my BP and I have no desire to tell everyone, just a few key people. So I guess that's partly my fault I flake out on stuff like this which leads me to not being invited the next time maybe, but I think for my mental health, that's okay.