[adeline]

I had a really bad one yesterday night. I've never had a complete one before, and this one terrified me more than anything (which says something...). I nearly called the cops.

I live alone, and I came in late and was standing by the door when I saw an extended arm reflected in the mirror directly in front of me (about 15 feet away). I'd left almost all of the lights on so I could see pretty well. The image was reflected from someone who was at an angle to me, in the open room next to me just behind a wall. I thought I saw it move, so I tried moving to see if it was just me moving that made it move. Then I was still, and it moved again. It was pointing a gun, it was waiting for me in the other room, silent. Needless to say I bolted, got in my car and drove to a male friends' house.

I knew I had seen it, it was vivid and I'd watched it for at least a couple of minutes. But still, there was no evidence of a break in, so we went back. And of course there was nothing. Besides that there was NO physical way I could have seen anything of that shape in that mirror from the other room. He stayed the night with me anyway, in case he "came back".

I'm not manic, I've been really stressed out though... and even though I don't even own a tv to watch gruesome stuff on, for some reason when I get stressed out I sometimes get gruesome dreams of people being killed.

I'm really paranoid right now, too (obviously ). I always think people are waiting to get me when I go out alone and it's dark. And when nothing happens I really believe that I just missed it, that it was/is still there in a sense.

Ahh, sorry this is really long, I know. I have an old prescription of abilify but I really want to avoid taking it.

Jessie

[bipolar_bear]

You may want to give your Pdoc a call and let them know what is going on. They may be able to help you. I hope things improve. That is a very scary thing to have happen to you. Take care.

[adeline]

Thank you for your response, bipolar bear. I think I may hold off on telling my pdoc, since I think it was just triggered by high stress and sleep deprivation. I'll be going to Europe for vacation in about three weeks, so my stress level will definitely be going down.

I really appreciate your sympathetic response, as I've never had anything like this happen, and I'm still a bit shaken by it. Obviously you can't think yourself out of a hallucination when it happens, but I wonder if not giving it much worry or attention afterwards can decrease the likelihood of reoccurance of that particular hallucination. Can you control these things at all by telling yourself they're not real, or ignoring them? When I had a bugs crawling on me tactile hallucination earlier this year, it seemed that the more I thought about it the worse it felt (like with pain).

Thanks,
Jess

i'm sending you some extra TLC........pat

[darkeyes]

If I were you, I would not put off talking to your pdoc, I also I wouldn't try to go through this alone, it may get worse before better. I urge you to get professional help ASAP, and if you are prescribed meds. take them as directed, stopping and starting them without supervision can create more problems.
I hope you'll re-consider and contact a mental health professional.
I'm wishing you lots of luck and healing with this.
Please take care,
DE

[adeline]

Thank you Pat and Darkeyes!

I'm still a bit hesitant to bring it up with my Pdoc, since he kind of intimidates me, and I don't really want him to put it in my charts (the last hallucination I had was 9 months ago, before I saw him, & med induced).

Plus, I think the new steroid I'm taking for psoriasis may have contributed... I seriously felt like I was on coke when I first started taking it with my other meds. Weird. But I'm about to stop taking it, and as it is have stopped taking it but every other day.

Jessie