[bpnme]

My appoligies in advance if I go off on anyone...please forgive me!

this is my first time here and this BP **** has made me so damn pissed off, I doubt I'll even respond to this group....THIS SUCKSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

ITS RUINING MY ENTIRE DAMN LIFE....ENOUGH ALREADY! I WANT OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! STOP THIS FREAKING TRAIN...I WANT OFF!

I've lost my insurance so many times in the last 10 years from loosing damn jobs because of this **** I can't even get ****in help. finally raised enough money to get on meds as of 2 days ago but what the hell do I do until the meds work????????

I'm ready to rip someones head off. I'm finding myself driving around to release but that just leads to pushing other peoples triggers so they will fight with me in a game of road rage. I can't eat, I can't sleep and can't do anything...

everything is a trigger today. is it the meds, is it just the day, is it for real, WHAT??????? WHAT THE HELL? ITS BEEN TO LONG I DONT KNOW HOW MUCH LONGER I CAN DO THIS WITHOUT BREAKING. I've been manic for 3 months straight!!!!!!!

I can't be home because I'll only tear into my wife. I can't go on a road trip cause of my road rage. I can't listen to music cause I have no damn stereo. I can't do my martial arts workout cause I have no a/c in the garage and its 104 in Phoenix. I cant sleep this off...who the hell can sleep when they're manic. so let's see what our choices are shall we...

1. call the crisis line...oh yeah tried that. the person on the other end of that call should find a new way help people. don't these people realize how damn powerful a manic phase is? who the hell needs some mili-mouth wimp on the other end of a call with someone in my state of mind...come on people wtf? I don't know about the rest of you but when I'm like this I'm like a freaking 100 car freight train and I will run you the f over.

2. commit myself until the meds have me more stable. well, I could do that...but what about the bills coming due in two weeks...who'll pay those?

3. get stoned off my *** so I pass out.....hmmmm ok, that's worked before but now I'm on these freaking meds and Im scared about interactions mostly cause i'm having to smoke this nasty spice **** for the last 6 months until I could afford meds. so not even my old staple can help now. I have bowl in hand and cant. I want to make it stop so bad. just one bowl makes it all go away and I cant...WTF

4. go see friends, family, support. Well, I would if I had any! they've all cut me off long ago because of these manic phases. hell, I can't take it what makes me think anyone else could.

there's NO meeting anywhere around here. its sunday so I cant call my thyrpist. what do I do????? somebody make this stop