there is no recovery

Do you guys think Ts and pdocs expect us to eventually recover from our mental illnesses? I feel like my T is just wanting me to take steps to get better, but what the hell is this "better"? No symptoms? there will always be symptoms. the symptoms never go away. Sometimes the symptoms are less severe, and sometimes they are more severe. But to recover from bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, panic disorder, PTSD, and dissociative disorder NOS? I don't think so. My PTSD has gotten less severe, as in less symptoms the past couple years, which is good, but I don't see any other of my illnesses getting "better." It is merely a mirage tat things are "better" just because there are currently less symptoms. I can have a good month or week but the next could be worse and what then. When do these Ts and pdocs assume I will "recover"? how much time, a year, 10 years, 20 years ? and if not, do they think i'm a bad person? doing something wrong? i am so tired of this. even my boyfriend wants me to be "better." like i can just turn off a switch and have my multiple chronic illnesses just go away...

Since there's no cure, recovery for me, means understanding and acceptance of my disorders as well as being able to cope with them in the best/healthiest way possible. That is me being 'better'. My disorder recovery inventory is as follows. My bp recovery has taken great strides, I'm at peace with it. I don't like it, it doesn't like me, but we can't escape eachother, so we co-exist. I don't plan to ever engage in ANYTHING remotely romantic again, so that should take care of my bpd, but will need a plan B should I be batshit crazy enough to let myself fall inlove again. My OCD is at its worst during psychotic depressions, and that will HOPEFULLY remain minimal. I usually use music to sooth it tho. Panic attacks usually occur under extreme duress, so hectic stress is now avoided. My suspected IED is non-existant unless provoked by extreme bear pokers, whom I avoid at all cost cos simply, I'm way too pretty for jail ...
Sorry to go off on a tangent like that, the point of my ramble kris, is that only YOU get to set YOUR recovery bar. It doesn't have to be like mine or Jack's or Jill's aunt's. There's no textbook recovery as we are all individual and our disorders present individually...

I believe recovery is definitely possible. I have even read that some people improve over time w/out even seeking treatment, though quality care is normally a core component of getting better. Many people respond well to meds, which greatly improves the quality of their lives. As for how long improvement might take -- this can be highly variable among individuals. Most patients who do respond to pharmacological treatment have to experiment w/ various meds and dosages before they find their "sweet spot." This is always a process, but can take much longer for some people than for others.

No doctor should ever assume or think of or label you a bad person. Yes, prejudice among doctors does still exist, and this is unfortunate, but any doctor worth his or her salt knows you are suffering from what really amounts to a medical condition that just so happens to affect your behavior, moods, and emotional state. If anything, it's the borderline personality disorder folk who have a harder time with stigma -- bipolar disorder, as it has become better understood and as more high profile types have identified as having the disorder, the stigma has been significantly reduced.

A diagnosis of bipolar disorder is not an easy thing to process by any means, but with the right help and effort, there is no reason you can't experience significant improvement. Finally, as for your boyfriend, you should ask your therapist about strategies for dealing with family and friends who don't understand what it is you have. This undoubtedly comes up all the time and he or she should definitely have suggestions on how to handle this.

Sorry my response is so long... I wanted to try to address all of your questions.

Best of luck to you. Ryan

There is hope. I have seen my illness improve with meds and therapy. I really hope that you can too. I think that you can have some of the things that you wrote about in your list - maybe not all, all the time but things can improve. Hang in there, it does get better...

I agree, Ryan and Black Pup, and Trippin,

I've seen my illness grow less severe over the years and am in a place of contentment in my life. But let me tell you it was a struggle along the way.

I'm still sensitive to some things--and that's a part of this illness, I think. But I've
learned to keep clear of triggers as much as possible.

I've also seen two people go into remission from the illness, taking no medications,
but they did some things in their life to make that happen--diet changes, use of
holistic, natural medications--one got interested in herbal treatment. Anyway, they made it through and didn't even find it necessary to post on a forum anymoe.

I do think age is a natural help to slowing the rapidity of thought and strength of anger. About anything psychotic, I wouldn't know about that because I've never had a psychotic break.

Trippin, you had bad luck in your love. If you someday meet a really good man who
really loves YOU, you might want to try to make it work again. It is very much worth it with the right person and the right sense of contentment and humor and sharing.

You'd make the right guy an excellent wife.

Genetic

: Thanks gen.

Don't give up completely trippin', maybe with time but I'm glad your comfortable in your singleness.

I would honestly ask them. They may smile and try to divert the question when being asked a "loaded question." but they'll answer.

If they do get a new Pdoc and T
ask them in a more positive way. Do you think there is anything I can do to get better faster?

My feelings on the topic:
I feel the goal is more a series of longer and longer remissions than actually recovery. You recover from an injury, or surgery but chronic illness of any type is a remission situation. I know how frustrating it is. Your not doing anything wrong. I know my condition is for life and so is my treatment team. My goal is for my team to feel that I can handle seeing pdoc 2x yr. and T 2x yr. because I wont be petrified to ask for help when I need it. The hardest part is I've promised that I wouldn't manipulate them into that feeling that way.

Recovery doesn't mean that you don't have the illness anymore. You will always have the illness recovery means that you learn to accept it. I always use the phrase "I may have an illness but my illness doesn't have me".

I gotta agree with Krisakira...

Besides bipolar, SI is what I had/have. And it always felt like I was expected to be "over it" as soon as I was discharged from the hospital. Yet every time I get upset, I get told that I have to promise not to hurt myself. Contradictory much?

Just felt like sticking my two cents in. XD

From my experience, we can have longer periods of relatively healthy times (remission?) as we get treatment. If it is truly a brain disorder, then I'm not sure it can be totally "cured." My doctors/therapists have used the term "managed" over the years. I expect to always be in therapy--maybe only a couple of times a month and to take some meds--but as was said, some disorders sometimes get better with age.

Here again, it can be described as like diabetes. It doesn't get "cured," but it can be "managed" through treatment.

I agree with Trippin & the couple of others that say "recovery" isn't synonymous with "cure". Whether you do it alone or with professional guidance, you seek to understand yourself outside of your illness & form lifelong behaviours to better cope with what you have. It's not just going to magically go away. It takes time & a lot of effort to work through those problems & those wounds. But it is worth it... You might not be 100% better for the rest of your life, but any margin of improvement is a blessing in itself. & In my opinion? It makes us all wiser & a lot more in tune with the human condition than those whose obstacles are fleeting.

My thoughts on the matter of RECOVERY are much in agreement with many of the other responses that have been posted.

One can only be fully recovered from certain physical ilnesses such as a cold or a flu.

Recovery is a process, ongoing actions/behaviors, that are designed to bring us relief from our mental disorders.
One's goal in the process of 'recovery' is learning to manage one's symptoms of mental illness.
In recovery we learn to have better control over the symptoms of our mental disorders/
illness(es) so as to not let them have such a strong control of our lives, as they once did.
Recovery can be likened to having a toolbox full of 'tools'. We learn how and when to use these 'tools' to repair the problems that come upon us because of our various mental disorders/illnesses.

I think we would also do well by learning the 12 Steps of A.A. and adapting them to our mental disorders/illnesses.

I do not believe that bi-polar ever goes away however we can recover to a point of functioning where we are in the eyes of the medical community better. I have had doctors think I was doing better just because side effect symptoms to medicine go away. I am just counting my blessings lately that my mind is still there and I have my health. Life could be a lot worse I have been there.

From reading I have done, recovery to psychiatrists means six months or more without symptoms. If you then have an episode it is considered a new episode. If you have a episode within the six months then it is called a recurring episode.

I just saw my pdoc today and he has agreed to try decreasing my meds to see how well I can maintain my stability on my own. I've been really stable for quite a few months now. I've reached a point in therapy that I've worked through the PTSD issues that were really complicating the bipolar. He has hesitations because statistically the odds are not in my favor; I will probably cycle again. The difference now may be in what I have gained through therapy in my ability to manage my episodes more proactively and having fewer "issues" complicating the bipolar diagnosis. We'll see. I have some hope that things are different for me now than they were previously. Cured? No. Probably not. Better able to manage the symptoms. Yes. I feel that most definitely. Fingers crossed.

great to hear, hope things work well for you

Great news Chris I'm hoping for the best positive outcome.

I just don't want people to think that after a good few weeks or months if I start going downhill again that it's my fault. It's the illness.

People wont think your a bad person, Im sure. and Recovery is possible Im recovering even though I just had to stay in the hospital again, but each time i get better so yes recovery is possible. That does not mean all the symptoms will go away but they will get better. i asked my pdoc and he said he guarantees things will get better but there will never be a cure. I hope this helps. Just keep your head up.

Hi Kris,
What a great post. It doesn't hurt that I share many of your feelings
about will we ever be cured. I asked my pdoc this just recently and his response was basically your always gonna have the illness. Good and bad days. Meds can help with the symptoms .
I just joined pc and I'm hoping I can meet some good friends. Building a support system with people that have been there, felt that.
Hang in Kris. I am always available should you need to talk with someone.

Jim

Who are these people you're talking about? They sound pretty ignorant...

...sometimes a topic can be reduced and compressed and distilled into it's own simplicity I need not read past the title....and I resent myself for identifying this because I have little to back up what follows...

recovery itself insists a failure and 'no' represents the nature of such a thing?

...enough fooling around from me it's surely it's about just feeling better about ourselves being able to accept..(dumb cliche)
...ok revelation!!

maybe you are right! there is no 'recovery'....

but I want to ask ..."from what? and to where?"

you are a "one off" ...it's impossible to 'recover' from yourself as I cannot and I'm suffering self doubt as I write this but hey!!...lets not let that stop us being ourselves.!

..I will insist however, we have the opportunity to recover from our doubts and hollywood sooki style sweet it's mine and it's true.

they can buy it from me!



I guess we all need someone to revive us hey...

I am not sure how I feel about the word, "recovery" because I know I will always have Bipolar as well as PTSD. I guess I like to think of things in terms of a "healing journey" because I will always be on my journey and will have good moments as well as moments that I struggle. I have done the best with my disorder this year - it is the first time I have felt this good since my freshman year in high school back in 1984. However, a major issue came up with my thyroid this past spring and I ended up needing to take a 6 week medical leave from work. So I am still on my healing journey and I take it one day at a time. I am grateful for all of the different medications, though, because when my grandmother was younger, she didn't have as many options.

what does recovery mean? Symptom free? Or happy despite symptoms? I recommend to check out Tom Wooton's Bipolar in Order... it's about gaining control and making the best of your condition.

And most of all... we need to heal for ourselves not for our pdocs and Ts... they are just are paid guides. It don't matter to them. If you can live in your own skin, it doesn't really matter what others say. Likewise... doesn't matter if others think you are "better", but you don't feel like it.

Thank you for that, Venus! I'm going to get that book as soon as possible.
I always enjoy your input because you treat your illness much in the same way I do.