both partners bipolar = one long rollercoaster ride

On our second date, my (now) husband told me about his mental health issues. He is bipolar, has PTSD and Intermittent Explosive Disorder. I thought to myself, "no problem, i'm smart, i can handle this".

So, I did what I always do when faced with something I don't understand or haven't dealt with before, I read everything I could get my hands on about bipolar, living with someone who has bipolar, and loving someone with bipolar. Everything I read talked about someone being the caregiver. Making sure they get their meds, get their sleep, monitor their moods, etc. Again, I thought "i can handle this."

I had been diagnosed with depression (in my 30s) and GAD (in my 40s) and on meds for several years. So, yes, even with my own issues, I knew i would be the caregiver when we fell in love. Eight months in, my (then) boyfriend said to me one day, "Would you do something for me, just b/c i love you and ask you to?" Well..... LOL.... I said "probably". He asked me to go to the local mental health clinic and have my diagnosis evaluated and meds checked. I knew what he suspected. I, too, suspected I wasn't "just" depressed, but bipolar. And we were both right.

Now, 18 months later, married, and in the most stressful situation(s) I've ever been in in my life, I am still his caregiver. I've been off my meds since January b/c I am uninsured and can't afford them. He gets his free from VA. And I have to remind him daily, sometimes repeatedly, to take his meds. He finally confessed to me last week that he "forgets" to take them b/c he fears being over-medicated like he was when we was first diagnosed. I told him, "you HAVE to take yours b/c we can't both be off them at the same time."

Every day, I try to remember the things I read in those books about being a loving, effective caregiver.... and wonder who's mine?

That must be really tough. You cannot afford ANY meds? there are many cheap bp meds, not everything is as expensive as Geodon. Have you checked with your local Walmart pharmacy about 3-month supplies of drugs? What are your meds?

You have to be responsible for your own mental health. Your husband his.

Both myself and my husband carry the label. I don't know what kind of books or websites you're reading that turns a spouse with bipolar into some lump that the other must be responsible for but, quit it. You can help out, make dinner when needed, ask if he remembered the meds at times whatever but, ultimately the responsibility is his.

If he goes off his medication or has an episode, you cope with it and react as your own person. Don't take on the problem like it is your own episode.

Both of us are each others caregivers. Are you still going to the clinic? Maybe they can give you samples. We have "rules" for everything. We try to set-up safe falls for when we are both manic / depressed. I would try to get medicaid at least apply to try. We also have friends check on us by text, phone, & knocking at our door if we don't answer after a day. Please have others check on you. You need someone outside the situation to make sure you & him are not getting to bad. A therapist can do this too.

Lexapro and lithium... it's been a TOUGH year. i would rather be completely off, rather than on for a month, off for a couple, on again.... i feel more stable than with the off/on/off/on thing.

We almost always have a friend living with us. Not b/c of the mental health issues, but b/c we are too soft-hearted. LOL And if no one is living with us, a night doesn't go by that someone doesn't stop in for a visit. So, we do have a safety net. The hardest thing for me, so far, is when we're both cycling at the same time. He usually goes manic; I usually go depressive. So while he's gearing up into hyperactivity, motormouth, hypercreativity, i want to crawl into a hole and pull the dirt over. He's awake for 4 days; i sleep for 2 or 3. I told him, "hey, at least we only ruined 1 couple!!" As for the clinic, we moved, so i have to register with a different county system now. The paperwork is crazy.... designed, i'm sure, to discourage people from following thru.

let me clarify the caregiver thing.... i take the responsibility for filling his weekly med holder. i'm trained as a nurse, and his doctor has given me instructions on how to adjust his meds if needed, so it makes sense that i'm the one to do it. yes, i remind him or ask him if he has taken them. it makes my life a lot easier if he is being compliant. and when he goes manic, he gives me his debit card to hide. otherwise, we just take care of each other the way most couples do, i think. if i see he's way out of whack, i call the doc. he would do the same.

Can you get a monthly med. planer so you can only do it once?