dumbing it down

(immediate dis-claimer: the following is scattered monkey dribble)

...well I can't seem to scratch my damn head without calling a crisis line!....well thats not entirely true, it's more like after a month of scratching my head I might call the crisis line

the bipolar brain has this curious overwhelmingly acute overdeveloped sense of, I guess, very ordinary things...like life itself, which, when broken down into little pieces just aint that complicated and by the time the sun goes down nobody still yet to figure it out and then it's tomorrow already!

...but bipolar brain experiences life in such extremes and so often mostly all the time when it's really somehow fundamental, but there is little fun in being mental not really nope

it's easy to consider and therefore validate the fears, anxiety and panic at times relentless yet always distracting, when typical perceptions are simply disproportionate to reality! I think I'm full of it!

so, what does this mean to me? for me or whatever
* I can't see clearly cos the air in front of my face is thick with thoughts
* leaving the house can be like preparing for an arctic expedition
* got 10 gourmet cookbooks ready for when I butter my bread
* "hello how are you"...quickly becomes stilted mindwarp chit chat weirdo me get away!
* headache pain in tumbledryer brain
* sleep is a bum acid trip better wake up alot and at 4am it's all done then recycle memories in fast rewind and fast forward brain doing the 400m hurdles over and over with shoelaces tied together dreading the future.

....so it's 5 am now puff up the pillows have a beer in bed and read a book dumb this thing that is me right down...but not all the way

oh no, you are feeling racy as hell aren't you? And all muddled up?

You remind me of last-year-me right now. It's pretty annoying isn't it.

Call the crisis line. It's what they are there for.

Do you have mood stabilisers? Now would be the time to take them, provided that bed-beer has worn off.

it's hard to figure out what to do when your brain is so speedy I know. Call the crisis line. They will be able to help you figure out what to do next to slow down the ride.

I hope you feel more steady and focussy soon

Awww James I'm sorry

It's funny hey how one day you are living, nothing is bothering you then the next your mind wants to dwell over the past ten years a mile a minute. Is the reason I am such a eff up? Oh maybe that's what happened!! You are so caught up in your thinking in the moment that it doesn't even phase you that you are having an "episode". It's all you know. Hugs my friend. Thinking about you

Oh and do not mention suicide or self harm while on the phone. Lesson learned for me from last time. Hope you remember what happened last time.

yep you know what I mean for sure Faraway...I reckon I might go mow the lawns get some fresh air that could be good...thanks for what you wrote. I really like your name it's cool

spot on J! you know what I mean too... amazing hey I didn't know what I meant but cos you both do now I sort of do...very cool..thanks Christy I don't want to ring anybody just do some work maybe and try some shopping be a supermarket weirdo...hehe