[hamster-bamster]

Today marks 20 years that I have lived in the United States.

Yes, I landed in Houston on Aug 15, 1992.

I have not achieved anything a new immigrant is supposed to achieve. No job security - I am temping. No wealth, although with better money management it was possible. No house - I am renting an apartment. No family - two divorces instead, and my kids do not live with me. No nothing. No law degree - I have studied at an Ivy League law school but have not finished it (left in "good standing" and when was ready to resume, it was too late by bar association rules - I would have to start anew and I cannot afford that for a number of reasons, so I am relegated to working in tech which is not my cuppa tea and I struggle).

So nothing to my name.

Yet, I feel like celebrating today. I have survived. I am struggling, but I am alive and well to the extent possible. I live independently. I am not on disability, even though that possibility loomed large just recently (and, of course, I do not mean to put down those of us who are on disability - I am just saying that right now I have managed to escape it). I am being able to reign in this disease which has largely been responsible for my not having anything to my name, my not having anything to report as DONE in those 20 years.

So maybe the next 20 years would be a little easier. With less drama, without suicide attempts, with more focus, and more kindness. I sure hope so! Being realistic, I know there still would not be wealth or a house, and I am too old to get a degree, and I cannot glue the family back together, and for a number of reasons, including my taking drugs, I cannot have more children to try a new family from scratch, but I believe that small achievements would be possible.

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

Today marks 20 years that I have lived in the United States.

Yes, I landed in Houston on Aug 15, 1992.

I have not achieved anything a new immigrant is supposed to achieve. No job security - I am temping. No wealth, although with better money management it was possible. No house - I am renting an apartment. No family - two divorces instead, and my kids do not live with me. No nothing. No law degree - I have studied at an Ivy League law school but have not finished it (left in "good standing" and when was ready to resume, it was too late by bar association rules - I would have to start anew and I cannot afford that for a number of reasons, so I am relegated to working in tech which is not my cuppa tea and I struggle).

So nothing to my name.

Yet, I feel like celebrating today. I have survived. I am struggling, but I am alive and well to the extent possible. I live independently. I am not on disability, even though that possibility loomed large just recently (and, of course, I do not mean to put down those of us who are on disability - I am just saying that right now I have managed to escape it). I am being able to reign in this disease which has largely been responsible for my not having anything to my name, my not having anything to report as DONE in those 20 years.

So maybe the next 20 years would be a little easier. With less drama, without suicide attempts, with more focus, and more kindness. I sure hope so! Being realistic, I know there still would not be wealth or a house, and I am too old to get a degree, and I cannot glue the family back together, and for a number of reasons, including my taking drugs, I cannot have more children to try a new family from scratch, but I believe that small achievements would be possible.

wow 20 years in the states....

where did you live before?

[venusss]

I had no idea you were not native born :O

[~Christina]

Maybe you didn't too all the things you had planned .. you have 2 daughters and a son YOU brought into the world .. You also have had many ups and downs .. Yet you are still here.. walking, breathing and your kindness here and in real life gives people hope and comfort. Don't under estimate YOUR ability to make huge changes IN this world
xoxo

[faerie_moon_x]

Isn't there a saying that if you make plans life messes them up? Or something like that?

Anyway, you should celebrate because that whole "American Dream" promise is really just a lot of BS. Born here or not, only the chosen few reach their goals. I know how you feel. I didn't graduate college, I didn't publish a novel, I didn't do any of the things I thought I would do. I'm a secretary... sheesh... I always think of Pam from the office "It isn't many little girls' dream to be a receptionist." But, I have my kids and my family, and I work hard and I'm doing my best, so what else can I do?

You are very kind and knowledgable and helpful to people here at PC and that's something worth acknowledging! Plus you were courageous enough to move to a whole new country and start a new life. That's a pretty big accomplishment.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by shattered sanity

wow 20 years in the states....

where did you live before?

In Europe.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by VenusHalley

I had no idea you were not native born :O

I pride myself on it . thank you, you have just made my day.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by dark_heart_x

Isn't there a saying that if you make plans life messes them up? Or something like that?

Anyway, you should celebrate because that whole "American Dream" promise is really just a lot of BS. Born here or not, only the chosen few reach their goals. I know how you feel. I didn't graduate college, I didn't publish a novel, I didn't do any of the things I thought I would do. I'm a secretary... sheesh... I always think of Pam from the office "It isn't many little girls' dream to be a receptionist." But, I have my kids and my family, and I work hard and I'm doing my best, so what else can I do?

You are very kind and knowledgable and helpful to people here at PC and that's something worth acknowledging! Plus you were courageous enough to move to a whole new country and start a new life. That's a pretty big accomplishment.

Thank you for the kind words!

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by morethingswrong

Maybe you didn't too all the things you had planned .. you have 2 daughters and a son YOU brought into the world .. You also have had many ups and downs .. Yet you are still here.. walking, breathing and your kindness here and in real life gives people hope and comfort. Don't under estimate YOUR ability to make huge changes IN this world
xoxo

Thank you! It is true, I brought them into the world. THEY are walking and breathing thanks to me. I should not forget about it. I am going bra shopping for my 14-y-o for the first time this weekend (women in my family develop late) - that would be a milestone, wouldn't it?

Thank you for your kind words!

[~Christina]

Yes Indeed !

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by morethingswrong

Yes Indeed !

I will get her one black one and one either white or nude (her choice) for light-colored clothing. It should be a nice outing!

[unaluna]

well, at least no one announced, "HOUSTON, WE HAVE A PROBLEM..." where anyone lives, what color their skin is, is just an accident of birth, IMO. how you play the hand you are dealt is what matters. happy anniversary - you're still here. that's what I celebrate!

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by hankster

well, at least no one announced, "HOUSTON, WE HAVE A PROBLEM..." where anyone lives, what color their skin is, is just an accident of birth, IMO. how you play the hand you are dealt is what matters. happy anniversary - you're still here. that's what I celebrate!

I am still here, thanks! Ex and daughters will come to have a little celebration.

I could have died by accident two days ago, so I am celebrating being alive. I was very anxious and I was close to taking Klonopin. I did not know that taking Klonopin and Temazepam close in time can lead to death (you fall asleep and your breathing rate becomes so low that you never wake up).

I must say it is a joy to be alive, fat and all!

I am also happy to be in SF Bay Area and not Houston .

[Trippin2.0]

Happy AnniMericanVersary! So glad you're alive too Hammy

[Victoria'smom]

You have done a lot of awesome things in the past 20 yrs. including having two girls that you are/can be part of their lives. Please be kind to yourself. Just being alive is a huge accomplishment.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

Happy AnniMericanVersary! So glad you're alive too Hammy

Trippin, you are terrific with word coinages - thanks!

[Trippin2.0]

Thanks!

[eskielover]

well, at least no one announced, "HOUSTON, WE HAVE A PROBLEM..."

I am also happy to be in SF Bay Area and not Houston

You are cute Hammy......just a little note, the comment "Huston, we have a problem"......the origin of the saying came from:

John Swigert, Jr. and James Lovell who, with Fred Haise Jr., made up the crew of the US's Apollo 13 moon flight, reported a problem back to their base in Houston on 14th April, 1970. 'Houston, we have a problem' is often credited to the project's leader Lovell. Actually, not only did Lovell not say the phrase, he wasn't even the first not to say it, if you see what I mean.

Swigert and then Lovell (almost) used the phrase to report a major technical fault in the electrical system of one of the Service Module's oxygen tanks:

Swigert: 'Okay, Houston, we've had a problem here.'
Houston: 'This is Houston. Say again please.'
Lovell: 'Houston, we've had a problem. We've had a main B bus undervolt.'

Our space program launches from Florida at Kennedy Space Station, but Huston is NASA's Command Center & major tracking station.

Just thought some space trivia might be interesting to you in understanding the quote that was used "Huston, we have a problem"

That's interesting that you would have such trouble with kolonopin & temazepam without taking an OD on them.

I don't weigh very much & I am on a very high dose of pain medication (a narcotic) because it's the only thing we could ever get to control my migraines. All narcotics can slow breathing but even more the high dose I'm on......while at the same time, with stress, I haven't been sleeping so my pain specialist was the one who prescribed temazepam for my sleep & I have no problems with breathing at all......I'm not on any other meds. Know my pain meds are much higher than a normal dose of Klonopin .....

wondering if it's the combination with the other meds you are on. The normal smaller doses that we are usually given on those 2 meds would not cause that kind of problem unless an OD was taken or the combination with other meds was causing the problem.....those 2 alone on a normal dose unless you have breathing problems like COPD or something already, wouldn't cause that kind of problem alone.

Glad all is well with you though

Many many years ago, I intentionally took too many pills (don't even remember what they were).....but ended up in a coma on a breathing machine in ICU......definitely NOT something you would want to do whether accidentally or otherwise.

It is better to be safe than sorry, but I would check with your pharmacist on whether a normal dose would really do something like that to you....just to get a professional opinion. My weight is just over 100 lbs & usually the lower weight you are, the more chance of problems like that happening exist & I haven't had any breathing problems at all with the temazepam & the high dose of pain meds I'm on

Would be nice to have one less thing to worry about if your pharmacist says no problem on a normal dose if that's what you were worried about.

[hamster-bamster]

Agreed - it is a bother. I had an anxiety attack last night and took Klonopin, finally. I did not take Temazepam as the doctor advised. Klonopin does not do much for my sleep so I only had 3 hours. This ruins the day during which I was planning to prep for a tough interview. It would have been better to be able to take both (and I weigh 185 lbs so I am definitely not at a high risk, nor do I have pre-existing breathing problems). I will check with the pharmacist.

[hamster-bamster]

The pharmacist confirmed the doctor's warning: no Clonazapam and Temazepam together in time. She also said I should not have taken two doses of Temazepam when I did not get enough sleep on one.

As I get anxiety attacks in the afternoon, this pretty much means Clonazepam is a non-existent medication for me...

[eskielover]

She also said I should not have taken two doses of Temazepam when I did not get enough sleep on one.

That's true....that's called self medicating.......& even though you didn't take the whole bottle, it's still considered an overdose because it was more than you were prescribed....something one does NOT do with prescribed meds because of the effect it can have with your other meds.

I can see with all the other meds you take why you also shouldn't take those meds together. The more combinations that you have in your body, the more bad reactions they can have with each other.

[hamster-bamster]

I feel like giving Clonazepam to my ex, who uses it (prescribed to him) in tiny quantities for pain relief, so that it would not even tempt me. Out of sight - out of mind. Not an option. What do you think?

[eskielover]

I doubt that it would have any effect on pain relief if his pain is anything like my migraines.....talke a lot more than a little clonezapam.

Guess the thing is that you can take the clonezapam, just not right before bed with your temazepam.........so what's wrong with taking it earlier in the evening so that you don't have an anxiety attack.....or learning skills to take your mind off the anxiety....like watch a movie right before going to bed to that your mind isn't on your worries.....then a nice hot relaxing shower right before bed, then take your temazepam for a good night's sleep.

[hamster-bamster]

P-doc said it is OK to take clonazepam in the morning, but I do not get anxiety attacks in the mornings. Only in the afternoon, closer to the evening.

I do not have a TV, but, it is true, I can watch YT.

[eskielover]

I don't have a TV either.....but my computer has a DVD drive where I play movies on & watch them on my computer.....that's just as good as watching them on TV IMO