You'd think I would know by now, but it's always like I want to wait and triple check and then check some more.

But I think mania is setting in. The thinking is where it's at, it's too fast, neither here nor there. I am physically agitated, and looping in circles.

It's okay, been here before. The only problem is this. When I went off my meds, I made a plan for depression, I made a plan for trying to prevent mania, But I did not make a plan for when manic. Like d'uh why didn't I do that.

I think the thought process was "cross that bridge when you come to it". That's a very thoroughly thought out plan, lots of detail.

Bridge is here, do I walk, run, crawl, jump over it with my bmx? I don't know. I ( think ) know this, I must try to find a way to level it out myself. If I don't try and going running for extra help then I will not know, and will not learn. I do want to learn.

I am working on the sleep, and that's all I got. I can try some meditation, maybe I can go for a jog tomorrow. But then I can't think of anything else.

If you have an idea, anything I'll try it, within limitations

I really want to face this head on, I don't want to be scarred, and I don't want to go too far. And that's thing, if it goes too far it's almost impossible to bring back into order even with medication. Maybe I am being stupid here, I dunno.

[hamster-bamster]

You are light as a feather, you should not settle for "jogging" - you should "run" to your heart's content. Run for an hour and then see where your mania is.

Thanks Hammy, I say jog, cause I have knees that get inflamed, But I want to ruuuuuun. I don't wanna jog, maybe I can do it!

Come on now "Anika", (I just love typing that), focus focus focus. Yes a run might be good. I pushed myself a little to hard and payed for it. SOre for three days. Kept my mind occupied with limping from the pain. Drink that tea you got and maybe even a sip during the day to chill. Ok now think, where would be a good outlet for you to focus your mania toward? Something you've been putting off? Try thinking of something like that and write notes to remember other important things, like family or friends. Hang on, don't let it get bumpy.

[hamster-bamster]

Sorry to hear about your knees. I have also heard of people channeling mania into cleaning.

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

Sorry to hear about your knees. I have also heard of people channeling mania into cleaning.

Thanks Hamster, I was just telling WNT2bNRML in a different thread about how I had therapy in the past for compulsive cleaning, and it worked, this place is a mess. But If I must clean then I must.

That's a good idea actually cause I just borrowed a shampooer to shampoo my rug and chesterfield. So I could do that.

Thanks D, that's right I got tea, I can have that. Well I been working out plans for a costume, I can work on that.

Notes are a good idea, I do forget things especially if they are important.

OOOOOHHHHH...NO "Hamster"!!!! Don't get her started on cleaning. She's been treated for that already.

Bwaaahahaha!!! Tooo late now!!

HA hA ha ha......I done got you figured out girl. PUT THAT VACUM DOWN!!!!! It's time to sleep. And "D" has got to, or I'll be like this tomorrow. I would talk you to sleep but my bwain iisssssss ssshhhuutttiiinngg dooooooooooown..............

G'night D! No you don't want *thuds* tomorrow. Would look bad.

[BlueInanna]

Goodnight D.

Anika, ride it out, roll it out ... DANCE!! I think you will know if something gets to a point of needing intervention... and your bf will watch out for you too... and keep talking to us... we are here for you too!

You can use the valerian root during the day as well for anxiety & irritability. It's valium, ya know?

Try to get sleep when you can, if not at night, try to nap in the day.

You have been having the mania for about a week right? And you did make yourself sleep last night which is awesome. If you can try to sleep every night, you can prevent sleep deprivation

I think you can pull it off, gotta give it a go, I agree. And the help of doctors or hospitals will be there if you end up needing it.

Thank you Blue,

my bf will be on over alert if I alert him yes. He knows what to look for.

I didn't know, ok I will try the valerian during the day. When I get manic I get a lot of physical agitation, I'll pace like the whole entire day if I start getting to a bad point. I think it would help with that then.

Ya I think about a week, well the going up feeling. If I look back through my posting here I can usually tell, since my type of posting changes quite a bit.

Thanks for having faith in me!! That means a lot to me.

[cocoabeans]

Well, is your "mania" bad? I usually just get the "hypomania" which is quite pleasant. Though, done the full on crazy before.

What's the negatives for you? Work with preventing/coping with that part.

For me, it's planning and taking on too much, being driven to goals I don't really want to reach and for the most part no big deal and hey, sometimes it helps but, the ones that cost money? I plan to reevaluate, wait, check again in a few months.

There is also the whole paranoid made up world my mind runs to so, I got to check in with "reality" and learn to dismiss such thoughts. It isn't easy and sometimes quite uncomfortable but, I'll put it on par with facing not so psychotic fears and ignoring bad influences.

Mostly though, it is pleasant.

Well what usually happens is I will become manic for a little while, week or two, then that will turn dysphoric, I get extreme psychomotor agitation, so I will pace for 16-17 hours straight, I spend too much money, I get psychosis, and delusions with paranoia. My thoughts become so rapid that they are mere fractions of words, literally. This makes it difficult to function, I pretty much feel like I have checked out half of my brain. It's not enjoyable at all.

This will usually last for 1-5 months, with medications. I am not too self destructive with my behaviours. I can't spend that much, I don't have credit or the means to create debt.

It basically comes down to my ability to function on the most basic level.

[moremi]

Anika do you think think subconsciously going back to work is bringing on too much added anxiety which in turn is bringing on the mania? I would try the valerian (sp?) root if its like valium and see if you can get rid of the anxiety if the mania eases too. Just an idea. I feel for ya hun... Im thinking of you and your in my prayers.

Morning. Well I've been up for a while, but just now got here. I can't believe it. I slept like a log!! Didn't wake up, didn't dream,,,,hell I don't even think I rolled over. I feel pretty good right now and just knew I was headed for depression, but it seems to be held at bay for now.
I usually get the hypo like "Cocoa", but it's a mixture of symptoms like yours "Anika". I get the rapid thoughts, pacing, and grandious thoughts. Mine turns destructive, just not on myself, just things I'm doing.....like going to far with a project, thinking to far ahead and not preparing, or over spending. UUUGGHHHH....I hate that last part.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by WNT2bNRML

OOOOOHHHHH...NO "Hamster"!!!! Don't get her started on cleaning. She's been treated for that already.

I did not know that - I did not read that thread.

If nothing else helps, you can try Zyprexa PRN. Without going back on daily drug regimen, just take it PRN for a couple of nights. It would squash the mania and let you sleep soundly for many long hours, and then you'd be back med-free again.

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

I did not know that - I did not read that thread.

If nothing else helps, you can try Zyprexa PRN. Without going back on daily drug regimen, just take it PRN for a couple of nights. It would squash the mania and let you sleep soundly for many long hours, and then you'd be back med-free again.

Hamster, only kidding about the cleaning. Im good now.

Ok I have zyprexa on hand . Im about to give in.. Cant do it. Slept for 45 minutes last night. Feel like death. And I can feel everything speeding up and getting confusing. Ill probably do this tonight. Thanks for this idea.

[~Christina]

Anika

Damn I'm sorry you are dealing with this! I think everyone has great ideas .. I personally can't think of anything to add .

Just know I'm thinking of you and hoping you can beat the mania like right now

Feel better, Anika. You've come really far & I know you can get back to normal. It's just a temporary state of being.

[kindachaotic]

(((((Anika))))) You're in my thoughts.

Originally Posted by Anika

It's okay, been here before. The only problem is this. When I went off my meds, I made a plan for depression, I made a plan for trying to prevent mania, But I did not make a plan for when manic. Like d'uh why didn't I do that.
.

damn it's hard to know what to say here but I have to say something.

it's clear to me you are highly intellectual....beyond this post...and the frightening thing about being smart is the urgency to have 'control'. and the innocent audacity to believe that we have it. and that anything contrary is ....well...."our fault"

this is just observation Anika...I experience the same thing...

and above all this is the reality...

that it hurts pretty bad when we lose control....and this?

despite all our supreme thinking and plans to substitute an otherwise, approachable situation....something gentle and kind

yep I get it

I don't say do this or do that.....unless I can do it myself and even then I need to be forced and I cannot plan for any of that

Ophelia explained to me that it's ok to 'not be ok"

valuable stuff

I hope you will be ok

Originally Posted by Anika

...Ok I have zyprexa on hand . Im about to give in.. Cant do it. Slept for 45 minutes last night. Feel like death. And I can feel everything speeding up and getting confusing. Ill probably do this tonight. Thanks for this idea.

Hope you are getting some nice
45 min? Yeah, that's not enough (understatement).

It's good that you have recognition of the signs, BF's keeping an eye out, etc

Something struck me here. Don't think of it as "giving in". It would be doing something that may well be able to get things to a point where you can regain control with your other tools. It is one tool among many that you have. It shows intelligence to be able to make an alteration in one's "belief system" if you will, when new information presents itself. Right now, not to be bossy , but it'd probably be good to go with a pragmatic approach. The other will be there waiting. And there's nothing that says you can't go back to that when things get to a more manageable level. At which point you can pack that toolbox you forgot. Then see how it goes next time. It's all steps, it's all work in progress. It wouldn't be caving, it'd be being smart in considering all the tools you have, not just some of them.

Not sure that made any sense, but hopefully.

Lots of to you and sending good thoughts.

Thank you Christina, Moremi, Shay, and Chaotic!!!

Originally Posted by dubblemonkey

damn it's hard to know what to say here but I have to say something.

it's clear to me you are highly intellectual....beyond this post...and the frightening thing about being smart is the urgency to have 'control'. and the innocent audacity to believe that we have it. and that anything contrary is ....well...."our fault"

this is just observation Anika...I experience the same thing...

and above all this is the reality...

that it hurts pretty bad when we lose control....and this?

despite all our supreme thinking and plans to substitute an otherwise, approachable situation....something gentle and kind

yep I get it

I don't say do this or do that.....unless I can do it myself and even then I need to be forced and I cannot plan for any of that

Ophelia explained to me that it's ok to 'not be ok"

valuable stuff

I hope you will be ok

Thanks James! Umm intellectual you say, hehe I'll have to use this to practice accepting a compliment graciously and not revert to declining and and saying I have little brain syndrome, So thank you.

You are right.. "control" I have issue with that one. For specific reasons, past history, not just in the bipolar realm of my life. It is ok not to be ok! Yes. I am ok with not being ok, but I am not ok if I don't try to be ok again.

It does hurt when I loose control, I do tend find guilt in that, and fault, but I am working on it.

thanks James.