feeling too human lately it's freaking me OUT!

...gripping desperately to my dysfunction like it will save my life I want to drown and I keep floating I hate it up here just because I don't know what to do up here it scares me more than sinking into the depths with all the monsters.

I hate the monsters but I trust them I know what they do I know what to do about them but they keep coming back

and nothing changes and thats not good right?

I don't know what to do with people

I don't know how to be a person around people

I am a fake

I am a monster...it's all I know

Your not a monster it's just more comfortable around them. I wish I knew how to help you. Your not a fake either. It takes time to get use to interacting with people and feeling comfortable with your new you.

"Dubble", I can relate to the monsters. The crazy thing is I've created them all and they just stand behind me everyday with their big smirky grins waiting to push me back into the dark abyss. Thats a place I struggle with. I can fight my monsters, but when I turn my back and they push me down, that's when the demons in me slash at my insides. The demons I didn't create. Others have give them to me to keep for them, and they fight to get out and into my head.

it's the funny thing about mania and compassion WNT....even depression and compassion...there is no stopping it!

the biploar monster knows both and can easily shut it all down....

and YET!...

and yet??

I guess after a while it feeds and leaves...takes chunks off me but I can easily swallow the damn thing whole...kill it with compassion like I never knew I had

like I said...feelin' way too human lately

taking such big bites?

it's an un-natural hunger for me...

to be nice...to mean it and to stay this way

Monkey... You are nice, period
You talk through your struggles and you help others with their struggles. These qualities you are showing kicks those monsters in the hind side

not sure what to write here?

I guess I am discovering nice

not that life is about nice!

if I was nice all the way so far like I appear to be now I would not have survived.

I can let that bad me go...

now I have room to move to be ok ....thanks YYZ

you are somethin' else bro!