I have small a small question, really it is tiny..

I don't want to post somewhere else, but I have a question, please don't make me post elsewhere...

I got most of my big stuff mostly sorted, then something that should be tiny comes along. I need to cut off all my hair, and short, pretty short . Of all the things I should be upset about, this should probably be the last thing on my list. But it's more like the biggest. And why?

If I knew why I wouldn't be asking. Why is it such a big deal, I mean it's really really bringing me down. I know it's probably silly, and it's a very small thing in the grand scheme of everything in my life. Why is it tripping me up so much.

I feel silly for asking this, when I especially know that people here are going through major things.

I have to start a new job soon, haven't been employed in in god knows how many years, and I am more worried, and anxious, and crying about my hair... That is Nuts!

I've often thought about cutting off all my hair, and I wonder why? I sometimes fantasize about a smooth buzz cut head on myself. But I think I might freak out my kids if I did it, so maybe when they're grown I'll go for it.

Maybe the moods we live through are like lifetimes, and after an episode is like being reborn, hairless like a baby (well my babies were baldies lol).

Also cutting hair is like shedding skin, getting rid of the past and starting fresh.

So what's wrong with cutting off your hair? It will grow back. Do you think you're crazy thinking? Could it affect the workplace, would they care either way?

It make sense, sort of, hair is a huge identifying factor for women, you're taught take pride in your appearance and taught hair comes next to breasts in that. Hair is what makes you feminine to the world. Maybe because as small children it is the only distinguishing factor, why adults did or did not call you little boy...

I'll elaborate more later if you need.

One more thought, a woman cutting her hair could be a protection, empowering. Like if a woman's been violated by a man, she might want to cut her hair to symbolize she is just as powerful or more than that man. Since men usually wear short hair. Just an idea, not sure if it came out right. No offense to the long hairs.

And then the buddhists men and women, shaved their heads to symbolize detachment from the maya, illusions of the physical world, and show dedication to the spiritual path.

Ok, hmmm. I always was made to have very short boy cuts growing up. Like real real short. My oldest sister had hair to her butt and my mom said one girl with long hair was enough, and I had big ears that stick out, still do a little.

I have a complex about my body.. ya big shocker haha. Short, real short 5 feet, small chest, and when my 12 year old daughter and I can swap clothes, no I don't feel like a women. I haven't ever had long hair, medium length, oh one time is was long, never a problem cutting it off tho before. I was a hirdresser, i was always comfortable chopping it up constantly.

My bf a while back told me I was getting old. I am 33, I didn't think I was that old, but he insisted that 33 is old. Seriously I tried to put that out of my head cause I know it's crap. I do. It's not even half my life hopefully. But this made me really doubt myself.... a LOT.

I think I need to go back to the drawing board on the self esteem things.

Geez, Anika! That sounds like a major thing to me. Losing their hair is one of the biggest traumas for women with cancer undergoing treatment. And your use of the word "need" adds a sort of gun-to-my-head, not-my-choice quality to the situation that makes this part of "your big stuff."

So yes, you're right to be posting about it. It's not nuts, you're not nuts. And with a new job starting ... Wow!! Either of those things alone would be enough to rock my world.

Please be very gentle and pampering with yourself right now. Are you worried about how the new hair "do" will go over at the new workplace? Where does most of the emotion over this lie ... your perception of you, or in how others will see you? Or is it something else?

Don't diminish this, Anika. As you can see already, in different ways we've all identified with this.

Roadie

You're exactly half my age. I'm old but not ancient ... I have a friend who is 96, and I consider her not ancient but quite definitely old. Her mind is still in good shape, but she does use a walker to get around. I wonder what your bf would think of her.

Anika, there are a lot of women on PsychCentral--some in the medium-&-above range of awesome. Most of those are nearer my age than yours ... sorry, kiddo, you have awesome potential, but you haven't lived enough!

You are youngish, pre-middle age by several years. That bf may have a long list of admirable assets, but he's got noodles for brains when it comes to simple common sense & knowledge of cultural anthropology and sociology. Tell me where he lives & I'll send the message directly.

Roadie

Yes Roadie, need to cut it off, deff not a want.

The job, maybe a bit ya. The job is also a my bf's place of employment, so I think I could fairly say I am worried about presentation, not just in looks. If I screw up it, it's going to reflect negatively on him.

hey, did I ever tell you guys that I HATE working on self esteem!!!

He needs to keep some of these noodles to himself, this is not Lady and the Tramp...
Please send him that msg!!! And this .. I want to grow old, I do. I want to experience all the ages, not be thrust into it before I am ready. And yes Roadie, I agree, the women above me are the bees knees of awesomeness. Me and him have a much different view of aging, He definitely has a problem with it and is hard on himself with this, so I need to remember that is only his own ideas, and worries, not mine. Of course I do want him to think I am young and spry. I want it allllll.

Can you explain how it's a need, not a want? Like is this because you're mother told you this was the acceptable way for you to wear your hair? And now you have the stress of change and new job, and need a mom's advice? Just trying to understand the whole situation. Only answer if you want.

BF's are such dumdums about such things. Mine has told me the same thing, and I think I told him to **** off cuz he's 47 with graying hair and I still get carded for smokes. But he just can't compute that you don't say that to a lady.

ok... chemical damage, mushy, mushy hair. There is no repairing the damage at this point. Today, when I was blow drying it, big pieces, came unattached, about a few inches from the scalp. Of coarse this took place at the top of my head, in many areas.

And I should know better, yes cause I do know. I took colour classes, I understand how this works. What happens is, my hair is a light ash blonde, it's very sunny and hot here in the summer months, it's a bit of a desert, in canada, ya. So my hair gets very very light, and I don't like it, so I keep trying to go a darker blonde, and it keeps washing out of course because the hair has become to porous to hold pigment.

Oh gosh, so I'm reading way too deep, next was gonna suggest the myth of Inanna's decent into the underworld lol.

Dang so you really do need to cut it then. I'm so sorry clumps coming out

I personally think you have a perfect figure and would trade my height and boobs for your shortie-ness in a minute. And your face is unique and gorgeous, will look fabulous with any hair and any ears!

Noticed something. First post "need to". Second post, "always was made to". Compelled to do something that wouldn't have been your idea given the choice? Hmmm. Don't know about you, but often I have resistance toward that kind of thing(!) Because when it was your choice (hairdressing), you had no trouble with it at all.
Resistance tends to bring on a feisty state though, ya? So what's up with the crying? Theory: With so many things going on, being nervous and anxious and starting a new job, sometimes it's a seemingly minor thing that the pressure unloads on.
Oooops. Added to catch up with posting info: You're probably a bit peeved with yourself over it, and frustrated, and... yeah, could totally see crying. (Sorry that happened!)

(Ha, yeah, I could trade clothes with my 12 year old self. A couple inches taller than then, but build-wise... yeah. There would be some style issues however... And speaking of style, I've usually had something shoulder to medium, but the last couple of years? Short. As in, hairdresser-pulls-out-the-clippers short. But long(ish) kind of choppy bangs. Fringe? I can mostly speak Canadian, but not sure on that one... Anyway, spend a lot less time with the straight iron(!) (Just the bangs. Fringe. Whatever.) And it barely needs thinking about. Far fewer mirror glance surprises (Yikes! Good grief, what's it up to now?!) So, short can be good.

And about the crying? No, not nuts. This last move, driving out, I was all business, doing ok. What tripped the dam? A pedestrian overpass. Yes, a pedestrian overpass. So don't feel bad. At least others can relate to yours.

I agree with IZ, I go to pieces when I'm forced to do something I dont want to do... Eg, my job... You're not nutz, you're Anika, and I love you to bits! So sorry you have to chop it off, but know that it will grow back better than before, and you have a chance to start anew and take good care of it

awwww.... you're not nutz.

People say "hair, it grows back". Yes... but it takes several months to grow out of awkward phase (or after haircut you hate. When I cut my bangs just the right way, it grows out in matter of days. WHen i screw up on it... takes takes ages.

so, yeah, I understand your upset... but maybe others will think you are pulling off Mia Farrow

I dont think you are over-reacting at all! Having to do something to alter our appearance, in a way we feel will not be an improvement, is stressful for anyone! I am just learning what traits I always thought were my personality are just manifestations of this disorder, but from what I have read, its obvious my self-judging is at least influenced by it. So, it follows that things like our hair- "a woman's crowning glory"- would be something that having to change drastically would cause us special stress.

Have you done it yet? How did it turn out? If you haven't and can possibly afford it, ask someone you think has great hair who does theirs and make an appt with that hair dresser. Hope you are feeling better.

Anika,

Before I started my treatment they told me everything possible that could happen to me. My treatment is for 6months I am a month in a half into it right now and the side effects are very similar to chemo including hair loss. Of all the side effects that they told me about running to the toilet every ten minutes to throw up, being so weak I can not even crawl out of bed, sores in my mouth that hurt so bad I cant eat, blood levels so low i cant function the one that bothered me was my hair. I cried like a baby. I mean out loud. I know that sounds so vein, I mean I am receiving a treatment that a lot of people can not afford. God has blessed me and I am crying over hair that will grow back. Anyways I envisioned it falling out in clumps like you see in the movies but so far I have been lucky. I quit washing it everyday and started using Karatin and I have noticed it drying out a bit and thinning out on top a bit but I have not lost any clumps yet but as I said I am only a month and a half in.
But girl its your hair if you want to cry over it thats your perogitive. Do you have to cut it? They told me It would probably be best for me to have a shorter style but I havent cut it off yet...

Awe Anika i just read the rest of the thread. Im so sorry you really meant you HAVE to cut it. I have actually done this to my hair when I was in beauty school. You know how that goes. When your letting everyone play with your hair it ends up really short and platinum. Not a good look for me, i might add. You have a beautiful face that will look good with short hair too.

Just wanted to say good luck with your new job and perhaps your anxiety is related to being employed again after all these years?

I'm so sorry you have to cut you hair short. I cry and cry and cry when I have to get my hair cut. Try infusium 23 after for damage. I had to use it because of pool chlorine.

Thank you ladies,

Well I looked online a lot and tried to find something I could live with. I am not sure if I will go to a hairdresser, or just cut it myself. I usually cut it myself. Maybe I should treat myself to a salon cut this time, I just get nervous that they will mess it up.

ya probably a combination, of self esteem, womanly attachment to my hair, bf thinkin' I am old, and the stress right now of life in general + new job. And then the thought of winter and wearing toques everyday with short hair, kinda look like you don't have hair.
Innerzone you are soo right, it's much diff when it's a choice, I have never been good at feeling backed into a corner.



I think I'm leaning towards something like that, will be able to hide the shorter pieces, cause it looks a bit choppy. And will be able to avoid getting a pixie cut, maybe well I hope that will work.

Moremi, when my sister went through cancer treatment, she did loose a lot of hair, but not all of it. I was more like clumps or patches, and it did grow back. She did use a wig, they had a wig service for cancer patients at the hospital. And they were really nice wigs, they looked very natural. I am soo sorry you have to go through this , I really hope your hair continues to hold up through the treatment. My sister also lost her eye lashes and brows, basically all body hair, but she was in treatment for a few years, and the hair loss didn't get bad until well after the first year. I am so sorry

Thanks for the compliments, awww that did help. I will try to believe you. It will be ok, as long as I keep my ears covered. I got called Morris the Moose in school for as long as I can remember. I've always felt like I had a big nose and ears with a very small forhead. Kinda pre-evolution look going on haha.

IZ I am understanding your canadian speak just fine, I saw you say eh? quite a few times hehehe I totally notice that one Your haircut sounds really cool, I'd expect something like that on you ya know? My daughter is trying to convince me to shave the side of her head right now, you know that trend, with the long hair still.

Blue, you might be digging deep, that's what I love about you,and you gave me lots of ideas on how I can use this and turn it into something positive.

Like I am med free now, you know how much of my old meds are in my hair?? Lots! I could send it in for analysis and they could probably pin point my med therapy using my hair stands. Maybe I can look at this like shedding my medications, and shedding the last years where I was not doing good at all, that hair has dried up a lot of tears.

That cut is super cute! That will look fabulous on you!! Yes, may as well get rid of that old meds in the hair. This is a new year and a new start!

Im sorry you NEED to cut your hair .. Been there done that a few times myself. It never gets any easier..

That hair cut would look awesome on you

Im sorry you are going thru the emotional aspect of cutting off your hair when your not really wanting too is so understandable.

Be kind to yourself

Agreed! That haircut is a brilliant choice!!! Hope u post pics after you cut it, so we can oooh and aaaah and tell you how absolutely gorgeous you look, cos it will be true, it will be sincere, and it will be something you need to hear...

That IS a cute haircut and from what you described, an excellent choice!

Heheh. (Live near the border for enough decades, and...)
I looked online too, and found it very frustrating, because without the lingo, what to call The Idea w/o having the same results come up again and again, you know? Anyhow! Turned up a whole bunch of pics of haircuts from a salon in Portugal. http://www.flickr.com/photos/hairport_lisbon/
Many are a bit out there, but it is a most impressive display of non-traditional cuts and colors. Careful now, if your daughter sees them, she'll probably be on there for days and days....

Poor hairdresser. Had never been there, showed up with laptop and showed her 3 different cuts from there that I wanted combined into one. Lol. She was terrified. I reassured her that I had no fear, no worries, just go for it. She did, and it turned out really well. Think it made her day.

Confession time. I HAD to go in somewhere for having mauled it in the middle of the night with a pair of dollar store scissors. Started with a big whack out of the back, didn't give up till it was, well, truly bizarre. Even hypomanic me had to admit that it was time to stop, as turned out that I had absolutely no skills whatsoever in haircutting.

Ahhh, classic BP moment...

(Half and half demi, 3N brown mixed with 3.0 RV. Kinda makes a deep purple in sunlight... Dyeing, now that I can DIY. Just don't let me near the scissors. )
How cool you have the skills to go either way with that!

Good luck with it and yeah, we want pics!