[mojave_rose8]

(Cross posted from another forum, but wants people's input here, too.)

There is an older woman I really respect and enjoy being around. She is somewhat of a mentor to me, and – as cliché as it sounds – she is one of those people with the ability to make you feel really good about yourself, even after a few minutes or with a few words. She is encouraging and has helped me out a lot, and in general, she is very kind and sweet and selfless. She helps others to the point she neglects her health or risks her safety.

She has a quite interesting life story as well, and is more than willing to talk to you about it.

Well … there is a problem. I found out recently, and completely accidently, that she lies about herself. A lot. Like – where she is from and her family background. Stuff that I consider MAJOR. She lies as if it’s nothing.

I am – devastated, to say the least, that someone I love and respect could lie to me (and everyone else around her) about so much.

I have tried to come to terms with it but I am still struggling. Maybe she is mentally ill: she is a hoarder and she has told me that she takes medication for anxiety – and that she never really feels “normal” – and she is quite eccentric (not that that in itself is a sign of mental illness). I am not sure if she is delusional or something, but she doesn’t appear delusional in her day-to-day life. Or maybe something very traumatic happened in her past and this is her way of coping.

I suppose she has her reasons for lying, but would you stay friends with someone like this – and do you think she might not even know she is lying? I want to stay friends with her because I enjoy her company and she has gone out of her way to do things to help me, but I feel like my view of her has been tainted forever.

Please, help me understand this, if only minimally. Thanks.

[BlueInanna]

sorry this happened Rose

i don't think i'd stay friends with the person. if i did, i would keep it very superficial, and then, what's the point of a superficial friendship where i can't trust the person.

why they do it i have no idea. probably the reasons you mentioned. maybe she doesn't know she's lying... but make sure you really have the energy to take on what you could be taking on with this woman.

[BlueInanna]

Rose - my ex-husband is a pathological liar, and our older son may be too. there may be some genetics to it, idk. but he hurt me so much with his lies, needless lies, i didn't even know his real age until after we had a child together. idk why people do this, i obviously got a charge with the subject. i wish people wouldn't do this.

Sure there are times where i would lie to protect my privacy if necessary, but when they do it for no reason... yea... doesn't feel good to me.

[hamster-bamster]

She might be schizophrenic but due to stigma associated with this illness she does not come out. She does come out with anxiety, which has recently become quite an accepted symptom in society. I bet "anxiety" is just the tip of the iceberg.

[mojave_rose8]

If only it was easy for me to distance myself from people I care about ... !!!

[BlueInanna]

So what will you do? If you do stay friends, can you try to talk to her about it?

[mojave_rose8]

Originally Posted by BlueInanna

So what will you do? If you do stay friends, can you try to talk to her about it?

No, I don't think I would ever get to the point where I would want to bring it up, honestly. She might get really defensive.

I guess she has her reasons for lying; maybe she is delusional, maybe she was traumatized and unconsciously created an alternate past to cope; who knows, maybe she suffered a TBI at some point and her memories were erased (it's a stretch, I know).

She is just too sweet and nice to deliberately and maliciously lie.

(^ Eh ... maybe I am the delusional one.)

[Zenster]

She is not authentic and may be conning you. Look into Antisocial Personality Disorder and NPD. They have an uncanny ability to make you feel good. They are also prone to lie. This is MAJOR red flag. Don't ignore it!