[Giraffe17]

Hello!
I am not good at this kind of thing but with how my life has been going lately it's time to try something new. I have been battling bipolar 1 for about 5 years now. I was diagnosed at age 15-16 and I seriously felt like it was a death sentence. After going to therapy and psychiatry for a while and dealing with meds it started to look like maybe after all I was going to be able to live out my life just fine.
But after a while I was tired of taking my meds because I was constantly having to change them because they would make me sick or not work. After bouncing from med to med and feeling the pressures of everyone around me I swore off meds and threw them all away.
Now after over 2 years of nothing I asked my doctor to re-prescribe my wellbutrin to take the edge off because of all the family stuff I have going on. After explaining I have bipolar disorder, which is why I wanted them she looked at me, as many do, like I was completely insane. I HATE that look! It makes me feel so worthless and like people want me locked up just because I said I have the disorder, even though I am fairly high functioning.
My anti-depressants are kind of helping but I am not good at taking them as regularly as I should.
I don't know. I just feel like everything is falling apart and no one fully understands me. My boyfriend tries really hard to be supportive, but he doesn't understand what its like to have an emotional roller coaster going on in your head 24/7.
I guess i'm just looking for some people who can actually understand what i'm going through and just how frustrating it all is.

[cocoabeans]

Oh, I know that look! Psychiatrists even! If you start going on about paranoid and loud thoughts, weird beliefs, whatever, they always do it! You'd think saying something like, "I thought invisible poisoning me" would be something that wouldn't phase 'em but, it always does! I've seen a few different ones too! They all try to hide it but, you can tell they think you're crazy.

Of course their job is to make you numb and shut you up.

[hamster-bamster]

I have seen the opposite. I have once told a fantasy to my former p-doc and *I* found the fantasy really troubling and intrusive. She calmly listened to it and said that it was an absolutely normal fantasy and that I did the right thing writing the fantasy down - that's the way to deal with them.

[Clinte89]

I have seen that look, my doc scruntches up his face and his eyebrow tips curl up and his forehead gets all scrunched up to. Its when I see that face I know I said something off the wall. He just tells me not to worry its part of the disorder. But dont get discouraged because the faces they make, they are still there to help and if you have a good one they do. So good luck on your journey Im sure youll find what you need. Best of luck

I'd really like to know what the personal life of some psychiatrists is like. Fortunately, they're human, too, and have their own agendas to deal with many times.

I guess we just have to try to be easy on them to keep the peculiar looks at bay, but my experience has been that personalities either meet and find compatibility or they don't find it. I've seen two superior psychiatrists in my lifetime and one who ought to be removed from the registry of psychiatrists.

So, it's the personality we are dealing with more than anything, IMHO. And, remember, we are a very sensitive group of essentially good people. And some of you folks are extraordinarily talented in one field or another.

I hope everyone's psychiatrist is treating you with respect and genuine concern. If not, you could (try maybe) what I tried: cut out the psychotherapy and go in for a med-check once every three months!! Keep the ego clean by being careful about the images you watch on t.v., look at in the outer world, and let those that are unpleasant in your mind just melt away from your being.

Stay with with positive if possible.

I just came home today from surgery for the removal of two cancers. Both were removed completely. I am one happy girl tonight.

Take care.

Genetic