[Miss Laura]

Hey guys,

I am stressing out!!

My family is in turmoil at the moment.

Last week my Brother and his wife to be gave birth to a baby boy. So we are all excited about this. He is really what our family needs right now!!

My Twin Sister has been going out with this guy who is Polish. So different cultures etc. On Monday they flew to Dublin in Ireland for a last attempt to rekindle their relationship. For a few years now its been upside down while he finished uni. His uni in Poland is in partnership with our uni in Scotland so he studied here for a year. Hence meeting my Sister. When he had to go back she wanted to end their relationship as well long distances never really work. He wanted to keep seeing each other so they did! They have been seeing eachother on a 2 monthly basis.... Him flying back to Scotland and my Sister flying to Poland. She has invested A LOT of money into this relationship as she only worked part-time as she was also a student. Anyways on Thursday he broke up with my Sister while in Dublin. She is distraught. Its been a nightmare few days with her. He is very immature. He broke up with her cause 'he's gay' which he's not. Then he denied it. Then today he told my sister its cause 'she's fat' my sister is a health 12 stone wtf!! Great way for self image huh! Then he denied saying that. Now he is being a complete tool to her getting his brother to threaten my sister. I'm raging. I so want to say something but I have kept quiet despite him making my sister ill for the past year. He tried to kill himself. Tbh I think he is mentally ill the more I hear what he has said/done.

I have been anxious all day been getting shaky too which is all anxiety related... How do I calm myself down? Any thoughts? I'm worried my Sister is gonna get even more hurt he is being so mean. His brother lives in Scotland too and he is over to 'help' his brother but today all he has done is run to my sister with information from his brother ie 'any trouble and he will call the police' bloody idiot my sister is the quietest ever and none of my family has ever been involved with police idiots or what.

She is staying with us tonight but she is that stubborn she is NOT moving out of their flat. I'm so worried!!

Hello, Miss Laura,

I think you're right to be very concerned. It sounds as if this man has (perhaps) a psychopathic personality disorder--the lieing, the denial, the manipulative behavior of convincing your sister to remain with him and then suddenly dropping her, the failure of good judgment, etc.

One in every 25 people has no conscience. I used to think that the personality disorder was not effectively treated by psychotherapy. After reading an article produced in the United Kingdom, I understand that some therapies may be mildly helpful: the serotonin reuptake inhibitors, imagery therapy, (given images to look at that affect positive emotions and images that cause revulsion at negative pictures), one-on-one talk therapy with a mature and excellent therapist, and surgery in refractory cases (separating a small portion of the brain from the hypothalmus).

He may not be psychopathic; however, he definitely has a disorder of some type, whether it's immaturity (for his age), or some other diagnosis. Either way, your sister needs to get out of that situation and stay away from him unless and until he offers proof of medical help to correct the illness. I see that he is involving his brother in harassing your sister.

His next move might involve violence if he is a psychopath. My own feeling is that she should stay away from him permanently; the psychopath generally has no plans for the future and lives a parasitic lifestyle.

Your sister needs to do as much research as she can on the symptoms he exhibits so that she gets a clear understanding of what's going on in his behavior. (Behavior is far more indicative of who someone really is than what he says --although that can reveal some things--i.e., lieing, etc.)

Help her come back to Scotland and free herself of his influence.

I'm sorry to hear that she has been through this. Many people are the victims of psychopaths, and it probably accounts for post traumatic stress syndrome in some folks. Your sister might recover sooner with skillful psychotherapy.

Take care; you're a strong person to be able to see as much as you do and to be able to work at convincing your sister that better things are in store for her life than this situation she is in now.

Genetic

[Miss Laura]

Hey Genetic,

They are back in Scotland came back Friday night as planned. He is now saying he doesn't trust my Sister to stay in the flat as he is away next week to Germany with his work... he is a re-searcher with our local uni. He is a very clever man but has no common sense and is completely weird.

I am worried this is all a front with her and she is aching inside but is wanting to be this strong person. I would of preferred her leaving the flat TODAY. But she is sooooo stubborn she is like nope I am staying here. I said any trouble call the police ok! She has went out with her friend and then is coming home to us thankfully.

He has sever depression, multi personalities, ocd to the extent he is scrubbing things..... I also have ocd so I know what it's like but he is worse than me. His Brother has sever depression too and has on a number of occassion tried to kill himself. He has also found it hard keeping a girlfriend. My sister's now ex has not had many girlfriend's and has very high standards. I feel he is a hyprocondriac as, as we speak he is being sick in the toilet why should he be ill.... he is putting my sister through all this crap.

That's what we were worried about..... alcohol may infuse violence...... she couldn't see it though thankfully she has EVENTUALLY!!

On Wednesday it was his 27th Birthday (we are all 27). On Monday morning my Sister got up very early and blew balloons up and put banners up in the flat for him. This is what we ALL do in our family and has always happened. He got up on Monday and turned to my Sister and said "when will you grow up and stop all this childish stuff" WTF!!! It's a laugh... clearly he has no sense of humor. He was having a house party tonight to celebrate. We he has no friend's here..... his own fault. His friend from Edinburgh was coming as was his Brother and his 1 and only actual friend who is also Polish (they are all Polish) He has no Scottish friends (his own choice) He is socially ackward.... I feel he is Autistic (I have worked with in the Autistic world for 10 years) and I think he might have Aspergus Syndrome. Anyways...... after he broke up with my Sister he said he STILL wanted the party.......... HAHAHAHAHA!!! No chance!!! She was STILL going ahead with his idea WTF!! I was like no way as was our Brother who was raging. So she eventually texted everyone on Friday morning and cancelled the party and explained why. She told him he can have the party if he liked but no-one would be there bar his "friends" so he also cancelled. Cannot believe he had the cheek to say he still wanted the party.

Gotta give him it.... he has some balls lol! He is trying to act big cause his Brother is here..... she has never seen him speak to her the way he has over the past 2 days.

I just want her to be ok!

Well, if that's the case, your sister has her hands full trying to manage.

Stay by her side and support her; she is eventually going to need all your family's help. And please get psychotherapy for her if and when she breaks the relationship, as she will, in my view.

Thanks for responding so quickly.

Let us know how things resolve.

Genetic

[Miss Laura]

Thanks Genetic,

Don't think she will need therapy as well she probably won't go lol! She is the sane one out of the 2 of us!! She has no mental health issues. Lucky her

This is good for her the end of the relationship as she was ill with worrying about him. She has M.E. and was flaring up cause of all the issues revolving around him. She was ill cause of the fact she had lack of sleep cause she was up half the night with him regulary cause of his drinking. He has a possible "drinking" problem too. There is soooo much going on with him.... I don't know where to start

[manic most days]

What is a uni and I am all too familiar with the bad relationship department... If there is a needy freak within miles I am all over him ugh! Thankfully counseling has gotten me to the point I refuse a relationship at this point. I pray your sister makes it out of this with a heart that is not cold and realizes these are his problems not her issues because I know I tend to take another persons issues as my own in a break up, like I didn't do enough or if I would have done this maybe this wouldn't have happened ugh poor thing

[Miss Laura]

Hey Manic Most Days,

A Uni..... is a University (we always shorten it)

Thank you!! I think she will be fine.... she is the stronger one out of the 2 of us time away from him will DEFINATELY help her!!

[Miss Laura]

OK after a VERY lomg weekend...... here is the low-down

1. He hit her while they were holidaying in Poland in the Summer
2. He called her repulsive cause she is fat (this isn't true she is not fat)
3. He has denied he said the above
4. He said he was gay
5. He denied saying he was gay
6. He still wanted his birthday party despite breaking up with my Sister the day before his party
7. He did not get this party
8. He told her to move out
9. He said he did not trust her to stay in their flat on her own while he is in Germany Tues-Fri
10. Hid big Brother came and stirred up trouble and was calling my Sister names, intimidating her and coming into her personal space (intimidation)
11. He threw a glass tumbler at my Sister
12. He has a drink problem but refuses to get help
13. He has from what we can gather some mental health issues but refuses to admit there is a problem
14. He know's we all know what he has done to my Sister and has not spoken to myself or our parents despite my Dad trying to talk to him
15. He refuses to look at us when we were at their flat gathering her stuff up
16. As of Wednesday my Sister will have been moved out
17. By Saturday she will officially sign over her half of the lease to him witnessed by their Landlady

TO TOP THIS ALL OFF.....

Their upstairs neighbour who is a student and who is a pot head had a party Saturday night until 5am Sunday morning and on Monday morning about 3am his friends were climbing onto my Sister's balcony from their's...... police were called but nothing was done as usual.

I think she will be better off with us for the moment. She is stressed to the bone!!

My Mum has been in tears all weekend as has my Sister. My Sister, Mum and I have all had high anxiety levels just cause no-one would of predicted he could be so nasty to her. He is not like this normally... is this his true colours shining through?