[bunnifoo]

So this is my first post here.

I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder 12 years ago and for the past several years have been stable. I wouldn't say I was the healthiest, but I could get through the day, hold down a job, and mostly take care of myself.

I moved last year across country to be with my boyfriend (long distance relationship now not so long distance). Last summer was the healthiest I've ever been. I was not anxious or anything and then I've been struggling. I'm not sure if I'm doing worse, or if I'm able to acknowledge that I need help and I've found a really great medical center and have a shrink and therapist who are in the same practice.

I'm being treated for anxiety right now. And I've been doing well, today I can't tell if I'm just really anxious or heading to hypomania. some stuff has come up (mentally) that I can't stop thinking about it, it's like pulling at a scab. I know I shouldn't and it bothers me but I keep picking and pulling and I can't stop.

I hate my brain and the way it works and it seems like every time I'm able to redirect my thoughts another way to be anxious pops up.

I guess I just need to vent.

Originally Posted by bunnifoo

So this is my first post here.

I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder 12 years ago and for the past several years have been stable. I wouldn't say I was the healthiest, but I could get through the day, hold down a job, and mostly take care of myself.

I moved last year across country to be with my boyfriend (long distance relationship now not so long distance). Last summer was the healthiest I've ever been. I was not anxious or anything and then I've been struggling. I'm not sure if I'm doing worse, or if I'm able to acknowledge that I need help and I've found a really great medical center and have a shrink and therapist who are in the same practice.

I'm being treated for anxiety right now. And I've been doing well, today I can't tell if I'm just really anxious or heading to hypomania. some stuff has come up (mentally) that I can't stop thinking about it, it's like pulling at a scab. I know I shouldn't and it bothers me but I keep picking and pulling and I can't stop.

I hate my brain and the way it works and it seems like every time I'm able to redirect my thoughts another way to be anxious pops up.

I guess I just need to vent.

very well described bunnifoo

not a bad guess either...!

[Seaswept]

Welcome.

I am sorry you are feeling this way but I understand because I get that way too. It's ruminating.

Try some grounding techniques. Do something different, focus on your breathing, go for a walk, listen to music. I know its hard I suffer from anxiety too. Meditation/breathing helps.

Peace to you.

[canacrip]

Venting helps. I agree with seaswept. Breathe. Take a slow, deep inhalation through the nose, hold for a second and slowly release through the mouth. Do this for a few minutes. Also, talk to your doc. It sounds like you've been through a few major changes lately and that will almost always bring on anxiety. Hope you feel better soon.

[bunnifoo]

Thanks for all the advice. I went to bed right after I wrote this.

Saw my therapist today and she said it sounded like I got over tired and wound up. Her suggestions to snap out of it were a physical shock - cold water on the face, or a cold shower, or suck on a lemon. I'm going to try the cold shower next time.

The counseling center she and pdoc are with have a 24 hour crisis line and she reminded me I could have called them just to talk. And she told me the center runs a respite house. It's a two bed house with staff where people can go for a few days when they feel they need extra support/don't want to be alone, but don't need hospitalization. She said that I should keep that in mind, especially since I live alone (my boyfriend lives about 1 hour from me) and that something I should use if I ever need it.

I have never had this kind of support before. Before I moved I was seeing my shrink every 6 months and holding it together and not in therapy because it was too much trouble. (The last time I tried to find a therapist I got 7 recommendations, and only 1 was taking new patients and I didn't like her).