[macnamera]

I'm desperately looking to connect with bipolar caregivers. My partner has it, and I'm feeling overwhelmed and defeated with this latest episode. No one in my life understands what it is like, is anyone else out there who would like to discuss their struggles and successes?

[faerie_moon_x]

Hi,

I dont' know about specifics for bipolar caregivers. I've never heard of such a thing. I think usually it is considered up to us to take care of ourselves unless we are a danger to self/others, then it is hospital time.

In general mental illness is not treated the same as physical illness by the healthcare world. Most healthcare providers do not even understand it. Most people in life will just brush off if you say, "I have bipolar and I'm struggling." They will just tell you to suck it up, leave it at the door. They do not realize it is a real illness with a physical cause (imbalance to the chemical systems of the brain and nerves.)

So, healing comes for me by wanting to heal. I have to want it. No one can force me. If I dont' want it, I won't heal. It's my job to take care of myself. I have a husband and small kids. It isn't their job to take care of me. I have to do it. This is what I've learned in my journey. Not even my dad took care of me. No one. It is incredibly lonely and for a long time I looked for people who would take care of me, even when I didn't know I was bipolar. But I learend that is not going to happen. If I'm going to get well, I have to do it. And I have to remember there is no cure. And I must understand that my actions are potentially able to hurt others. I tend to attack only myself, though.

Anyway, I'm sorry you're having difficulty with your husband.

[PiperLeigh]

I just want to say I think it is really nice that you are wanting to be supportive of your loved one. I am sorry that you are having such a difficult time right now. This is such a challenging disorder for both the person that lives with it and the people who are in their lives. You show great courage to be seeking out resources for support. I am not exactly sure what the forum rules are for linking to other places, but I know there is a bipolar disorder magazine/website that advertises itself as a resource that offers support to family and friends of people with bipolar disorder. If you google "bipolar magazine" I believe you should be able to find it. Good luck to you.

[Eliza Jane]

Originally Posted by macnamera

I'm desperately looking to connect with bipolar caregivers. My partner has it, and I'm feeling overwhelmed and defeated with this latest episode. No one in my life understands what it is like, is anyone else out there who would like to discuss their struggles and successes?

It might help to seek out your own therapist to help disentangle what is BP and what is just your partner and your relationship. I have to admit your use of "caregiver" is a little off-putting. Most of us don't need "caregivers," we need partners. If your relationship feels so imbalanced to you, I think there is a problem other than just your partner's mental health issues.

That said, of course it is challenging to live with and understand mental health issues. I would contact your local NAMI to ask about resources.

Best,
EJ

[BlueInanna]

I'm sure it must be hard sometimes having a bp spouse. Therapy for you both, separate and couples could be really beneficial is you're not already doing so.

Are there any questions you want to ask us in particular that we can help give you bp'ers view on?

There is a caregivers forum/room here on pc. But when I've tried it, found it doesn't get much action there. I looked into it because I'm caring for my teen son who has a case of bp much more severe than mine.

Hope we might be some support here, good luck.

[NDNOutlaw]

Sounds like you need some kind of peer support group

[Victoria'smom]

I'll admit my husband was a caregiver to me and I was his caregiver. It was exhausting, painful and down right scary at times for both partners. If this is how you feel both of you do not have enough support.

The best thing my pdoc told my husband (and me) is something like " Let me worry about her mental health, that's my job. If you notice X,Y,Z call me." It's hard because we've been the therapist, nurse, warden, pdoc, support group, and partner for so long.

Guess what? the reason why they are all separate fields is that's to much for one person to handle. It is unfair for you to expect that of yourself. Your not dealing with an intoxicated person or a person with the flu this is a life long illness. Shouldering it all on your own will cause burn-out, and possibly resentment. Being in a care giver role in this situation is a sign of a very unhealthy relationship.

Honestly my opinion you both should have separate therapists and a separate marriage therapist that all work as a team. For peace of mind having a treatment plan and crisis plan may help. I'm sure there are groups on-line and you can stick around but we don't have many on here that are without mental illness. A lot of us have partners / children with mental illness as well.