Depression rearing its ugly head

Depressed again and getting lower minute by minute. I found out today that I need a hysterectomy (removal of uterus and cervix) due to several fibroids, one of which is as big as my uterus itself. I also have to do a test to see if the cells there are cancerous. If they are then I may need radiation and/or chemotherapy. I was already depressed and on disability while waiting to be able to look for work again. Now I can't even look for a job until all of this is done and over with. Plus I am dealing with the effects of CSA with my pdoc/T. I feel like my gynecological problems are because of my guilt in the CSA I endured, or because of how f'ed up I am now about sex in general. I feel like this has happened to me because I am such a bad person. my abuser said I was bad and that I would pay, that the abuse was my fault. That I was too pretty. I guess I am not too pretty now, am I?

So sorry you have to go through this but it is NOT YOUR FAULT OR ANYTHING ABOUT BEING A BAD PERSON. Hope the tests come back clear and the recovery from surgery is quick and easy. My mum had a hysterectomy a while ago and recovered quite quickly. Please don't believe your abusers lies.

What a lot to process! Wishing you the best with the surgery. Please know past abuse was not your fault. They say that to us to lower our self esteem and keep us around so they can continue abuse. Hang in there, keep fighting! xoxo

oooohhh... I just wish I could beat the abuse out of abusers like that! It makes me so angry that someone would do that to a girl! Ugh... the worst part about it is that when a man abuses a woman like that the woman always feels like it's her fault. Ugh! I wish that somehow I could take that away so you could see that your abuser is a sick **** and that nothing that happened was your fault. I wish that I could offer you peace and closure.

Wow... I guess that's def. a sensitive issue with me. I hate men who abuse women. They think that they are so macho and tough. I wish that they would come over to my house for a visit and try bragging about abusing their ladies. Ugh! I'd throw them through my back door! lol. Then I might terrorize them while they fixed my door, all the while pounding it into their heads that no one deserves to be treated that way.

okay, rant over with...

I am just getting over a bout of depression myself. I know that feeling of knowing you are getting depressed, fighting desperately to not let it win. almost panic cuz you know whats coming. Oh! You don't deserve this. None of it. Not to mention the medical issues. Damnit, no one deserves that.

Stay safe, okay? We're here for you!

Don't dare let him continue abusing you by letting those LIES stick to your sweet head. I have fibroids and have lived with them for years. It does cause my cycles to be more painful than before but I just up my vicodin and eat some pamprin and function relatively normally. I would recommend you pursue having them removed if you are interested in having children (more? Im sorry I cant remember if you are a mom) b/c the worst problem they caused me was when my hubby and I were trying to get preg, the first time I actually did, the baby tried to implant on a fibroid rather than the uterine wall so of course I miscarried. But the dr said the chances of that happening again were very small and we were able to concieve and have a precious 3 yo