Poll: Work it out or let the relationship end

Just looking for opinions. No one will sway me one way or another; I have to figure this out on my own.

I think he is an OK guy and a good father, but not the right man for YOU. I think the sooner the better: less anguish for everyone and a clear road to finding a new man. I also find that you are rather cerebral when you talk about him so I hope that you will be able to detach from him without a lasting trauma.

I also think that the sooner you start the separation process, the higher your chances of getting to an amicable arrangement with regard to custody of your son. Right now your husband is in couples therapy with you, is unsure as to whether he will fight for custody, is feeling somewhat guilty perhaps - act now.

I don't feel like I know you well enough to answer the poll with confidence but I will say Life is too Short to be Miserable

I have not been following your story I guess. Before I can say my choice I need to know what has led up to this. Cheating, drinking, drug use and physical abuse are all grounds for divorce in my book.

I have been in a bad marriage for 18 years and am contemplating getting out. But none of the above have happened. So I am having a hard time deciding myself. Give a quick run down and a more definitive answer will be easier to come by.

To follow OP's story, read http://forums.psychcentral.com/showthread.php?t=250837

Thanks Hamster. I'll check that out in a min.

Relationships dont always end bcoz someone was a bad partner, person or parent. Sometimes you just want very different things with zero middle ground on which to meet on... And its ok for both parties to move on and forge their own path, one that suits your needs AND wants, nothing wrong with looking out for you. What would the alternative be anyway? Being miserable?

I like Trippin's answer. I think she hit the nail~

I remember reading your post now after looking at it.(thanks hamster) I don't know what I'd do. I'm hanging on by threads myself and your life's issues are different from mine but similar in alot of ways. I just don't know. Sorry I couldn't be of any help.

Only you can decide BNLs, I'm just an outsider looking in. But from what I hear it sounds like you want out. But that's confusing because just a couple weeks or so ago, you wanted to have a baby with him. You have every right to find your happiness, and I wish the best for you and support your any decision.

this. if you stay together, you'll be only hurting each other.

Unless his feelings are temporary or stress induced or something, I think you're just in for a long road of resentment, anger, and hurt. At least seperated you can begin to heal from it.

The clinician from the program I am in said today that maybe a little physical distance between us would actually be healing. Each person could work on their own issues without being distracted by being deep in the situation.

We'll talk about it with T on Saturday, but I am leaning toward separation.

My husband says now that he is not so sure he would move out, and the thought of someone else raising his son makes him sick. I told him I wasn't intending to find someone else to raise his son, but that the hopes of the separation is that we would continue to work on things so that we could be a healthy family, whatever that structure turns out to be.

These are the exact words of my ex when I told him I wanted a divorce. Took 2 months to get him to go. Even with all of his friends and family telling him it wasn't healthy for him to keep staying in the house. He moved into another room, but that was it. But, he wasn't even wanting a divorce and was at the "maybe we can still work it out" phase. So I find it odd since he says he's at the "I want to see other people" phase.... Maybe just a "I want my cake and eat it too" type of idea.

A trial seperation may be good. It would give you both an idea of what it would be like to be seperate. Good idea to talk to the T about it.