Nothing really seems good lately..

I hate this so much! Lately, I have been a very hateful and stressed. I don't mind the whole hateful thing as much I hate being stressed, and depressed too really. I have been having trouble seeing the optimistic side if things, and this never ends. I have been really negative and like a big ball of gloom. I do get happy, but not very often. Today, I got hypomanic after being SUPER stressed at a friend, almost trying to stab her with a pencil. Heck, this week people could even piss me off really well by just looking at me in a certain way. I have been kind of snappy, which really bugs me. I am even seeing the fact of getting help as more of a negative thing. NOTHING seems good. I feel like I am a failure in school, even though on my report card I had nothing below a 95%. My scores have just been kind of lower lately, that's all. I feel like I get frustrated and aggravated A LOT more now. My mom points it out now, which angers me even more, I almost said the F word to her because of it the other day, it half came out. I kept calling them stupid and idiots, keeping the inappropriate words to my self. This one was a result of becoming hypomanic, and they of course had to discuss buying a new 55" TV, and decided to "discuss" it. And at the time, I thought things like "You are guys are so stupid, just get the stuff. It isn't that hard if a decision, you just grab the stuff and go pay for it." I wasn't understanding the whole money thing at the time. Things just seem hard right now. I am just too stressed.

Nothing below 95% is really good, I am glad for you.

Thanks, I appreciate it.

Ahh, I was like that a few weeks ago and it was a nightmare. I would shout at my friends over tiny things or burst into tears without any apparent reason. I'm not even seeing a T or a pdoc atm. Nor am I taking meds. But it wasn't my first time. I knew that if I put up with it for a little while it'll pass. I had to keep reminding myself that it wasn't real. The darkness, the loneliness, the lack of hope, none of it was real. Just my twisted mind playing tricks on me. You'll survive this iluvdukie1. I know you will. Take care

Thanks! And I am sorry to hear that you had to experience this.

We all have. That's why we're here silly.. lol

Haha, yeah really. I guess that is true.

Yeah, I hate those moods. I get like that, too. I think the first step is to be communicative. When you're in a better mood, you and your mom sit down and set up something easy to communicate to let her know where you are. I mean, it could be as easy as saying "I am really irritated this morning," and that could let her know you may be symptomatic that day.

Because your mom is on board with getting you help, this is a good thing to set up. She can be your team member. But then when you're not in a good place and lashing out, if she already knows you're not doing so good, she can start learning to equip herself with tools on working with you. And always remind yourself she is on your side. Even if you're not feeling well, she is on your side.

95% is pretty good. I barely ever did that well. i was more of a 70% myself.

That sounds like a really good plan! Thanks for suggesting that, I will have to try doing that.