[Confusedinomicon]

I have a really deep seated fear of finishing activities. I cannot finish most books I start reading, cannot finish long term projects, cannot start studying for the GRE because I'm so scared of the outcome.

The fear is so bad that it took me 5 months to finish my degree check. I finished classes 3 months ago but was so paralyzed with fear that I waited until now to finally get the paperwork done. It took me two hours to get it sorted out and I should be getting the diploma in a few weeks.

I have stopped reading novels for the most part because of this stupid fear. I stopped writing about a year ago and haven't been able to gather the courage to start again. I have known about nanowrimo for a few years but never participate because I don't want to actually complete the project.

I never stick to diet/exercise because of this irrational fear. I can't follow through with jobs in an attempt to get an interview because of this fear.

I play a trading card game and I think I'm decent at it. I have issues with following through to the end to place in these contests. I get so much anxiety that I will purposefully mess up so I don't place.

This fear is so irrational and has been debilitating.

I know that part of the problem is my fear of success and being noticed which makes finishing things difficult. I'm socially awkward and have a hard time reading body language in conjunction to speech in groups. I think I am so worried about how people perceive my deficiencies that I'm too scared to try. I avoid trying because I want to avoid that anxiety.

I'm coming to realize that I will have to experience the anxiety. I've felt fairly sick all day because I finally realize this. I know things will be okay, but I'm still terrified.

I guess I needed to vent. I don't want to bother people around me, including my SO because I will use them as a crutch. This will happen if I tell my parents/SO because I have approval issues that stem from BPD behaviors. I used to call my parents/boyfriend 10-15x a day on bad anxiety days. I call my parents every few days now. I want to do something and complete it without telling them so they can be proud of me.

This fear makes me feel useless.

[hamster-bamster]

I feel that it should go into the Anxiety, Panic and Phobias forum to receive better response.

[Confusedinomicon]

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

I feel that it should go into the Anxiety, Panic and Phobias forum to receive better response.

I'm not looking for a solution.

Honestly, I know what I have to do to deal with the anxiety. ~~~ Just feeling ****** and needed a place to write.

[hamster-bamster]

I see. You write well; when you say that you stopped writing about a year ago and cannot find enough courage to resume, what sort of writing do you have in mind?

[Confusedinomicon]

I used to do a lot of role playing as a hobby on forums.

I haven't been able to tap into my characters for a long time. It's like they all left me.