that is how medications should work, ideally

While people are talking about the morality issue of food. And that it should or should not enter the equation. I believe it isn't escapable whether we wish it were or not. I have been in ED treatment, where one could say I was taught about the morality of food.

Food has a purpose, to nourish and sustain our bodies.. so there is a question here of morality. Our culture is very removed from the original purpose of food. Food has become a form of entertainment, and we are glutenous, on the whole in our society.

Hamster you do look at food in both terms of taste and value to the body. You know what... tons of people don't. I think you are doing better than you think you are, especially considering where most of us westerners are finding our food. You are not eating at fast food chains everyday, your not loading up on chemicals, preservatives, sugars, and basically have a diet that consists of actually very little food. The west is well known for eating tons of junk that should not even be considered food.

I still think that if you give yourself a little more credit, you will get where you are wanting to be. With out meds for this, you are clearly on the right track. Yes we all eat some stuff that is not the best for us, and we can all work on that. But I don't think you are as bad off in the food arena as you might think you are. The fact that you did make changes while waiting for the medication to come... is proof of self will power. Same with your exercise, you prove you can do it. So you just work on keeping it going, to a level that you are happy with. It is doable, you prove that you are capable all the time. I know you don't think so, but if that were true... we would never see threads from you saying you did it, and we see them all the time. As they would say.. the proof is in the pudding!

Oh, and broccoli! Has to be prepared just right. Overcooked - mushy, bad. Undercooked or even raw - inedible for me. So... I end up only eating broccoli I steam myself - I am rarely able to find suitable broccoli eating out. Anyone else AS particular?

Yes Hammy... I am very picky with my food. Always have been. Have not ate a banana since I was 4, maybe ate 3 in my whole life. I cannot get past the texture, smell or taste. I am pretty fussy about taste and texture. I agree with you about broccoli, it is one of my favorite foods, but has to be just right.

Anika, you should try Cuban FRIED bananas! They are delicious and share absolutely nothing with raw bananas - their feel, texture, and taste are completely different and one of a kind. I very rarely eat them because the local Cuban restaurant is expensive; maybe I should try learning to fry them myself.

I no longer think that it was a mental game while waiting for the Topamax - I did send myself an email on the day that I started biking, for the record, and checking the timestamp of the first post in this thread I see that it was on the same day.

I have a Mexican food stand next door... it also sells other ethnic foods. It is within a 2 minute walk, which is very convenient. From this store, this past summer, I learned to love lychees, a Thai/Vietnamese fruit. I also tried to eat Mexican guavas which are very rich in vitamin C. So I kept buying them and eating them without liking them. And then yesterday I decided that I would not buy them anymore because I do not ENJOY them. Sure, they are rich in vitamin C but so are strawberries, tomatoes, lemons, and cranberries which I enjoy having grown up with them. I cannot make myself enjoy a healthful food. So I think my "virtuous" diet, using a morality term, is a result of mostly luck and upbringing - e.g. I prefer plain yogurt to yogurt with fillings and that saves me a HUGE number of calories and grams of sugar. But I am not forcing myself to eat plain greek yogurt - I prefer it. For me, the more sour, the tastier, and fillings make yogurt less sour. Likewise that I eat a low sodium diet is a preference due to the way my mother fed me. Cinnamon is healthy but I do not like it - I will not eat it unless it comes in tasteless capsules, as a supplement.

I cannot agree more! When I go to the fruit stand, where they also sell mexican foods, I see food. I may not like the food but I realize it is food - just not to my liking. For instance, Mexican crema (sour cream) is too rich for me, but it is definitely a food product and I can see how others may enjoy it. On the contrary, when I go to a regular chain grocery store, I see things that I do not consider food products, and plenty of them!

That is the great thing about food. If you need a vitamin or nutrients there is not only one healthy source to get it from. Thank goodness. I don't really like eating meat at all. I might have some chicken here and there, but I eat a wide variety of beans, lentils, nuts, seeds, fish and seafood. I get plenty of protein that way and a variety of vitamins.

It's fun to try new things.. I am not good with fruit, but I love vegetables. Like you I don't like melons except for watermelon but not often. Apples, oranges.. nope. Dehydrated apples are good. Lemon and lime are good. Berries are good. Grapes, apricot, peaches etc... blah. Mangos, dragon fruit, jack fruit yumm. But not really what is grown around here.

I don't enjoy the messy stickiness of fruit really, even when it tastes good.

If you like the taste but not the stickiness, then smoothies with frozen berries, frozen fruit is a potential solution.

Thanks, I do make smoothies, with frozen berries. And I add my Vega protein powder to that, well it's not just protein, it has a lot of good stuff in it. But I avoid the other fruits.. I think it's ok, not sure. Since I eat a lot of vegetables instead.

A girl at work told me she makes smoothies using the pumpkin puree filling, and adds nutmeg and frozen yogurt. Maybe that would be good, sounds yummy. I imagine you could add whatever you wanted for spice or flavor.

So right now it seems that I do not need any solution because I am eating too little, but a few days ago when I was still eating normally, I thought more about it and here are my thoughts.

-- I seriously starved myself when I was young. The endocrinologist said that this history makes it difficult to lose weight because a body that has gone through starvation, be it from a famine or self-inflicted, holds on to every calorie. She said that such people stay at their maximum weight. I do not - I weigh 180 lbs and my maximum weight was 192 pounds, so I am doing not so poorly. I think that I have some issues with food confidence or whatever it is called - my body wants more because it is unsure that it would have another chance. And with seasonal foods, it is right - there won't be another chance for 11 months. I do not think that willpower is healthy or necessary; rather, I should eat as much as my body wants (after all, an extra Finnish cracker is only 20 calories and an apple, some 100 calories) in the hopes that eventually it would become assured of the food supply and stop wanting more.

-- I should substitute sex for food, as a smart solution that does not involve will power. For one, it would simply redirect my focus, as at times I eat because I have nothing better to do, and if I put together a busy social schedule, I would not have those pockets of free time to fill with food. For another, sex is similar to food in that it provides a sensual pleasure and is a bodily experience. So I won't feel sensory deprivation, as opposed to with brute will power application and morality speak. Third, sex burns calories. Fourth, orgasms --> smaller appetite (apparently, during orgasm and sexual stimulation, a substance called phenetylamine is released and it serves to regulate appetite).

So I think it is a win-win solution without losses and side effects.

So I have started on Topamax and yes, it affects the appetite. Too much so. I did not ask for that much. For breakfast, I had two cups of tea with milk and one tiny piece of chocolate and one walnut. Was too nauseated for my best loved maple yogurt. For me not to want to eat maple yogurt is unheard of.

Dinner yesterday? A glass of milk.

We will see where it takes me. But it just seems too much. An overkill. I asked for a small reduction in appetite. I did not ask for the appetite to go down to almost zero.

I guess I can reduce the dose of Topamax in half, although it is already very low - 50 mg a day.