[Moodmuse]

I actually wrote my suicide note last night then I called my Dr and told her. She's getting me in tues. we've talked about ECT but my old faithful Zoloft started working but now it's not. So maybe it's time for ECT. I just hope they can expedite it because I don't know how much longer I can hang on.

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[MilitaryMech]

Muse.....

I don't know what you've been through. I don't know where you are now.

I do know that WE CARE! Don't do anything that you can't take back.

I've been there. I've tried it. It's not the way.

WE CARE!!!!!

you must hang on ok!

when I'm in that place and it's full on real?....I just keep putting it off!

like...tomorrow, I'll do it tomorrow....and then when tomorrow arrives and becomes today? keep doin' it, like screw this I'll do it tomorrow.
and then it gets easier and better.... time stretches out more and you're still alive.

hang on ok

[dillpickle1983]

I hope you're gonna feel better soon, I'm in a similar place as you.

[roads]

Writing is good when it moves us to constructive action--I'm so glad you called your T!! Together you're taking care of you.

The meds do sometimes quit or change ... body chemistry is so complicated. Keep in mind, if you can, that you have a plan in place. Hang on, post here, call friends--hotlines--whatever it takes to get you to when your T gets you in Tuesday.

You've come this far. Baby steps, whatever it takes ... That's how we make it.

You can do this.

Roadie

[~Christina]

I'm sorry you are feeling so bad. As Roadie said meds just sometimes stop working. You reached out to your Pdoc <~~~ WONDERFUL! Just remember you will be seeing your Pdoc tomorrow ! very soon ! Do whatever you need to that will keep you safe. There is hope and things will get better.

[bluemountains]

I'm not sure where you are located, Moodmuse, but it's almost Tuesday here! Keep hanging in there and posting. Please keep us updated. I know it's tough, I was in your place just a month ago and with med adjustments it all got better quickly. Relief is on its way! Remember we are here to listen, with our worldwide friends, someone is always here to help.
Bluemountains

[MommaR]

Have you told anyone close to you this? When I admitted my suicide plans to my family, in detail- the how, where, etc, I knew they would never let me follow thru. I did this once I was thru the emmient danger of following thru but now I know if I get to that place again they know where to find me and will stop me- even if they have to involve the police. So its now no longer an option and honestly, that is a very reassuring feeling. Why even bother if you know you wont succeed.

[sugahorse1]

Well done on getting hold of your doc. It's Tues here now, so I hope you are getting help.
I know that dark place all too well. They'll get your meds straightened, and you'll be on your feet again. Have faith - we care

[flipenzeeflop]

I started a "to do" list recently that i realized had become a suicide note, i realize its hypocritical of me to say this since i didnt . But seek some help....tell SOMEONE who will listen.

[faerie_moon_x]

Mood, chandler, flip... you guys all hang on, okay? Those thoughts are all lies, don't listen to them. We're all here for you to vent and get all the pain out, okay? It is possible to overcome and things will change and get better. I fight the same battle, so I know it's possible to overcome it. Don't give up!

feel better.... we are here for you

[flipenzeeflop]

Thanks guys, it REALLY started as a to do list. After the fact i noticed it had stuff like this in it...

" Make certain these people know that no mater what happens, you love them and appreciate all they have done for you.
That you are well aware that you are not deserving of their kindness and that you NEVER wanted to or meant to harm them."

sigh

[sugahorse1]

Awwww - I too can hear the pain in your posts, but please hang in there. We all care for you

[flipenzeeflop]

I notice i have really been putting my affairs in order these days. My ducks in a row so to speak. I dont think its gonna be tommorrow or even next week or next month. But its seems pretty inevitable.

[faerie_moon_x]

Originally Posted by flipenzeeflop

I notice i have really been putting my affairs in order these days. My ducks in a row so to speak. I dont think its gonna be tommorrow or even next week or next month. But its seems pretty inevitable.

It's only inevitable if you let it be. Suicide is a temporary thing. It's a symptom of the illness. As you get help and heal the thoughts will subside.

I didn't think this was true, but it is. I had my first suicide attempt at age 12. I had 2 more during my teen years. No one helped me get through it, no ER, no hospitalization. I figured I would be dead before I was 25.

But then I learned that you can fight it. That it's not the all powerful thing that rules you. You are the one in command. It's worth it to fight. I'm 33 now and I have pretty much overcome suicidal ideation all on my own without a T or a pdoc or any support from anyone except myself. How? By not giving up. To screaming it down. To digging in my heals and being stubborn and saying I won't die this way.

I still get throughts, fleeting ones. I had a plan. A full plan. What the trigger would be, a will, what letters and who to give them to, who in my family I would ask to take care of my financial issues, what my last meal would be, what I would wear, where it would be done and how... etc. The whole plan. So, I know where you are. And that was only 3 years ago. So, I no longer have that plan, no longer fear that trigger. It is possible to live and overcome.

[likewater]

i fight this fight. i try to keep it from sister and bfriend, especially after my brother killed himself in
july. friday say my dr and she couldn't add more prozac so she added wellbutrin. told her i had no thoughts of suicide. small fib. but my T knows, but she also knows i fight it really agressively. to all of you, keep fighting. life is worth it. you are worth it and needed. may angels surround you.