anger as a tool

it's never enough sometimes.
Feeding into the abyss of emotions
one leading to the other, combing and swirling
them all together until there is only a faint distinction between
the many, many emotions that he is feeling. It makes him sick to try
to navigate the way that he is feeling. He remembers a talk
he read a while back about the distinction between
his feelings and his emotions, but no amount
of talk is going to help him now.
no, not now, not feeling
this. no way.

He can feel anxiety.
this he knows for sure.
He can feel it twist and morph
itself to feel like fear. Really anxious fear.
fear would be ok, he thinks, if it was just that.
but no... this fear is different. it doesn't just stay fear,
it will soon turn into something that is much stronger, like a
wine that ages, it will turn into panic. but that's not all, either.
he can also feel a different emotion as well, right now with the fear.
like a dual processor computer, he is also feeling a sadness along with
the fear. A kind of sadness that is sobering, that seems to be calling out
to him and that encompasses everything. but the fear is calling out to him,
threatening to become panic... both striving for his attention like children on
a playground yelling "look at me, look at me". It's all too much for him to take. If he focuses on one, he can kind of tone it down, but then the other
one gets more out of hand while his attention is away.
now he is feeling a third emotion. Anger. But not
just the good ol' fashioned anger that we
would normally feel, no... this is anger
that is spawn from a lifetime of
hurt and pain. this is
the real deal.
anger.

Finally, he thinks, a focal point!
he is excited almost, his anger has always
helped him through these times.
it was strong enough and powerful enough to
override his other emotions
to consume and annihilate them.
anger.
but it would come at a price.
the fallout would be intense if he fed into it.
this he knew...
but what other choice did he have?