[nikkie2002]

Hi everyone, I really need advice. I have been struggling with some type of mental illness for years now and I just want to know what is wrong with me. I have symptoms of different illnesses and I am scared because the medication I have tryed doesn't help.
I have always had depression come and go for no reason. I just slowly start to hate myself until I can't stand it. I hate everything about myself inside and out at times. when i feel this way I am very hard on myself. I feel guilty for people having me around because i feel like everyone else should hate me too. I hate the way i look whrn I'm down to I feel like i am balding and cut my hair constantly when I feel like that. I don't know why my family hides the scissors and i get so mad because of that. I feel very fat and watch what I eat when I'm down. I weigh 100 pounds . It hurts so bad I can't stand it. then I start to feel better and I don't hate myself. I don't obsess about my appearance. I feel too good to. I am just happy as can be. It feels so good. I comment to strangers all day long about anything. I talk on the phone all day long. I shop alot. Dance sing because yhere are always songs running through my head. And lots of other things. I go 100 miles anhour . I still slerp but not well i wake up every hour and get up around4 or5 because I can't lay there anymore. I smoke alot of weed then too and when high I feel that people who are dead are trying to contact me or people are bugging my house. There are times when all i want is sex and i do much more things sexually then too. There are also times that I the same energy but it is all negative. yhis is the hardest. I can't control myself then. I am full of rage an lash out at people. I want to hurt them anyway I can. I do unrational things then. If i can't hurt the people

[kindachaotic]

Hello & Welcome to PC!!

So sorry you are having a rough time. Just a few questions if you don't mind.
Do you have a T (therapist) or pdoc (psychiatrist)? They would be the one's to dx (diagnose) your issues.
We're strickly lay people, not professionals. But we have our own issues & probably have alot in common with you.
Keep posting you may get more in depth responses. Thanks for sharing.
Take good care.

[faerie_moon_x]

I'm with kindachaotic on this one that you should talk to a psychiatrist about this and a therapist. You say you've tried different medications but have you been diagnosed with anything? And who gave the medicines? general doctors are not always the best source for psychiatric meds if that is where you got them.

[Turtleboy]

personally i'd read around on the forums, it could be anything but maybe bi polar and the effects of the weed is causing paranoia, but like the others im strictly a lay person, so seek a therapist and explain how you feel to them

[nikkie2002]

Thanks every one. I went to my pscyh. Yesterday. I was dx with bipolar1. We arr starting a new treatment plan. I see a psycologist. Mood disoders are on both sides of my family. I have known that is what was probably going on. This is the second time I have been dx with bipolar. I think it's time I do what I have to do . Thankyou once again it is very appreciated!!

[kindachaotic]

Nikkie, glad you finally got a dx & treatment plan.
How are you doing these days, hopefully better!,
Take care, keep posting if comfortable.

[rossiv46]

Happy you went to dr and were properly treated. Keep up with your meds and treatment plan and hopefully things will be well.