Why does grief turn to anger?

Hey all,

I had a hell of a day today. I had to go to my EX's appt to get my son's beds and mattresses before she moves out in a couple of days.

Thank GOD she wasn't there..... As soon as I walked in I started bawling like a baby.... Every emotion from when she left over a year ago, came rushing back.... and all the grief turned to anger! It took EVERY OUNCE of self control to not start destroying her stuff. (Honestly, I have had a HUGE problem with being physically destructive of THINGS when angry and sad).

Looking back, every time I've felt an emotion besides happiness, it has turned to anger. Sadness, Loss, grief, annoyance..... everything!

I HATE IT!!!! I HATE BEING ANGRY!!!!

The meds help.... A LOT.... but not enough....

Now that the anger has passed, its just sadness.... a very deep sadness.

I really hate feeling like this..... I can't hide in work anymore... I'm not working.... FML

Grieving over a loss(job, relationship,marriage, income, life, etc)has a theory by Kubler-Ross that has 5 stages of grief. The order of stages (may vary among individuals) are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. A therapist might be able help you determine if there are other issues that relate to your anger in addition to grieving and advise you on how to help you besides just the meds. You have PC support here, too. take care.

I think grief turns to anger because losing something can really feel not fair. It's not fair that things turned out how they did, and you have no control over it, and it's frustrating, and so these emotions mix up and become anger. That anger can be directed at self, at the event, the other person, their stuff.... it's normal part of grief. To be angry that you lost what you had is normal.

It's good you controled yourself and didn't destroy her things.

I agree loosing something like a close relationship is just not fair especially if it ends on bad terms. I was very angry after getting out of a serious relationship so I couldn't imagine marriage. It would be beyond pissed. I think a therapist would do you some good it has helped me find out why I get angry. Just a thought.

1 of my theories was always... is their anything i could have done to prevent it, it's all my fault, i should have payed closer attention... but it is just the way i see it

Im still angry about my fathers death, it is normal,Im still angry about my estranged childern I havent seen in 14 yrs, and thier hearts being turned against me..Its normal..I guess you just get through the motions as best one can..

For one, I think it's natural but if it gets extreme, then it's destructive to everyone. It's great that you were able to refrain from causing damage. That's good self control.

The other thing is that we can learn how to handle our emotions so they don't cause negative thoughts.
I've been trying to do Dialectical Behavior Therapy for Bipolar. It's an awesome book but obviously it's hard to learn. Maybe you can check it out.