[Dymphna12]

I don't understand this. I have a friend who has been there for me through my many crises that began in June. She has tried her best to help me, even though at times it didn't always turn out well (she often got frustrated with me when I was not getting better). There was a time I even clinged to her because I felt like I had no one else and my bipolar was scaring even me. Well, before Christmas I managed to start separating myself from her to give each other space that I know we both really need. When she went to her family's home for Christmas (all the way across the country) I was relieved not hearing from her and knowing she wasn't even in or near town. Now that she's back, my anxiety level has risen drastically and I even feel anger towards her - I guess because knowing she's back brought up so many memories that I did not have when she was gone. I don't understand my anger! I have no right to be angry towards her! She's done nothing but try to be there for me - but I do almost feel a hatred towards her and I don't even know why. I'm frustrated with myself and feel like this is another roadblock in my healing. Any suggestions on overcoming this unexplained anger/hatred?

I'm not sure how much help this is... I can only say I sometimes feel this way too... like the helpful person is an unwanted reminder that I have problems, and that makes me irritable.

[wildchild r]

they get frusterated when they cant help you break down the walls of depression,and you end up feeling like your a disappointment to them, causeing you more pressure..
I know this from my own experience.she wants to cure you, she dosent understand there is no cure..only paitence,and unconditional love. thry to help her understand that the pressure she puts on you is undue, shes going aout helping you in the wrong way by EXPCETING you to get well, like its the dang flu or something..Your not hateing her, your begining to dispise her expectations of you from what it sounds like.. Does this hit home any??? hope it helps, and take a deap breath.

Perhaps the connection has simply run its course and the hanging on is what's causing the anger?

Not sure how to overcome it, but will think more on it. I find myself on the other end, which is frustrating and perplexing too. Hell, I've got BP, totally "get" it and still!

I'm no picnic to live with and not at all good about being nice or even appreciative (ok, "snarling beastie" wouldn't be off the mark... ) when I'm in a bad place, so that I understand that reaction from another because I can recognize it in myself and know how badly the "static" can interfere with receiving at such times. And I don't know where you are on the roller coaster right now, but might that be a factor? Also, again from my situation -- the person on the other end has a lot of BPD traits, which I don't understand in the least. Intellectually yes (read a lot), but I can't personally relate to that set of parameters at all. So I try to be realistic about that and realize that no amount I ever do will ever be "enough". So I just try to ride that aspect out knowing I can't change that perception. But does that produce some of his misdirected anger? Oh yeah. (Took effort to learn to detach from that, tell ya what!)

It could be so many things. Probably figuring out exactly what it is, source-wise in yourself will go a long way in sorting it out. You mention it feels like it might be bringing up memories of bad times, but might there be anything else? They say anger is often based in fear. Anything there? I dunno, just tossing out some thoughts.

this has happened to me..

i used to know someone on email (well i still know them) his name's jason and he always is the first with advice, and wanting to make things easier... and i'm usually like, hell, jason, back off!.

in fact... their was a time where i got convinced he was actually doing it to hurt me (don't ask me where that came from)