[BlueInanna]

It's a bad one the mixed episode. This is the first time I've seen it for what it is and realize I'm in it. Agitated, sad, angry, can't sleep, speedy thoughts but too depressed to turn them into good ideas, longing for intimacy, repulsed by the potential lovers, so dissatisfied, tried music, nothing sounds right, mind not planning on slowing down. Waiting for it to pass, me just the observer, don't want to be a victim of it, just try to observe. Hope it doesn't stay long.

hope it passes for you soon.

[Speed3]

I have had many mixed episodes the last few years. They are awful and can be dangerous.

All my hospitalizations have been because of mixed states. When I am very depressed I just lie in bed. I don't have energy to do anything dangerous.

With the mixed there is the depression with the energy of mania.
I have also messed up many relationships with family and friends in these states. My normal kind, compassionate nature disappears. I turn into a mean, angry, irritated monster.

Please take extra care of yourself. For me temporarily increasing some meds has helped. But, it seems I have to be in the hospital before I can be convinced of this.

Beware, the 'Mixed' is a chameleon, it can overcome you quickly.

Blue I am thinking of you

active depression is what I call it. stay safe!

[Doxie mom]

Originally Posted by BlueInanna

It's a bad one the mixed episode. This is the first time I've seen it for what it is and realize I'm in it. Agitated, sad, angry, can't sleep, speedy thoughts but too depressed to turn them into good ideas, longing for intimacy, repulsed by the potential lovers, so dissatisfied, tried music, nothing sounds right, mind not planning on slowing down. Waiting for it to pass, me just the observer, don't want to be a victim of it, just try to observe. Hope it doesn't stay long.

When I am not stable on my meds everyday is like that for me it sucks.

[faerie_moon_x]

My best advice is to avoid triggers as much as humanly possible. This is when things really go haywire for me. And, things I didn't even know were triggers suddenly become triggers. I know it's rough at your house right now. So, just try to tread lightly.

sometimes being alone is the best way
to be yourself without any consequences
that is what I do
I'm going through it now... but I've had a lifetime of practice
just be aware....
stay conscious of it....
and you will be ok....

[BlueInanna]

I think I'm safe... not suicidal like last week, even then I was aware they were just thoughts, symptoms. I know it would be best for me to be able to be alone and avoid triggers, but just not possible.

My son came home last night finally. We have court today in a few hours. He told me that he was planning on never coming back, but changed his mind. Now he's washing his clothes for court. I'm shocked he knows how to wash clothes. I'm a little worried he probably stole some jewelry or something to pawn, I found a search on the computer for pawn shops. But I can't be bothered right now, he's been stealing and breaking for years, it's just material crap.

I'm supposed to go to Vegas tomorrow for business. Avoiding it. I was at my office until 11pm last night trying to get ready enough to leave, then hour drive home, finally slept at 3, got up at 7. I really don't want to go, but it's important that I be there. I don't know.

I'll feel clearer after court today when I see if my son will be going back into Juvie or not.

[Clinte89]

Stay safe mixed episodes are dangerous for me. I like your view I it though very well described. Just hang in there I hope it passes soon for you.

[BlueInanna]

Why are you sad Clint? Anything going on or just a random mood?

So just got the email, my biz partner bought my flippin airline ticket to Vegas. And I thought I might be able to wiggle out of going.... ughh... I might just take some lithium for this trip.

[faerie_moon_x]

Maybe all will go well with court today and going to your trip will actually be a relief. Sometimes getting out even for a short time helps you re-center yourself.

I think it's a good sign your son came home and doing his laundry. He didn't run away from it and came back and is facing it.

[BlueInanna]

It's a really good sign, yes. Let's hope he actually goes with me at 1:30. He asked me if I have a drug test, which I don't. :/ So that's not really a good sign, he will probably test dirty and get incarcerated again. And this time, since it's a new year with the stupid insurance, I would have to pay full price for a rehab. I can't afford that, so he'll have to sit in jail. He has a huge nasty hickey on his neck from that girl who seemed so nice... maybe I can put some cover up on it.

The Vegas trip will be all about business non stop and putting on my happy face, which I must do for my livelihood, but not looking forward to it. I don't even have clean clothes, this sucks. Hopefully I won't accidentally sleep with anyone this time. haha, no not really funny.

[bluemountains]

Hello Blue,
I hope you are not miserable, but I am glad that you are back in the saddle with your thoughts and work. I was worried about you. Now I can change that to supportive and concerned with what you are going through to find some resolution with your son.
A mixed episode isn't a fun thing, but it's better than awful depression!
Bluemountains

[BlueInanna]

I'm feeling pretty good and hypo atm. Or maybe I'm just ok and happy that court is over. He passed his pee test - they don't care about the pot. We were there so long though, it was stressful and boring. They dropped the felony charges and reduced his probation to only 3 more months instead of until he's 18. This is good, this is what I wanted, help for him, with his bp and his addiction to meth. It won't be perfect, I know there will be relapses. But it's ok right now.

And Vegas will be fine, I can do this! I am going to dazzle my customers and start making money again. I'll grab a pedicure and brow wax and a couple new outfits when I get there lol.