i can't share this with anyone
not that's here in my life
not that I see everday
not even my wife

it's been pounded into me
that i need to lie
and pretend things are good
never showing this side

it hits me when i'm alone
i wish that it would be okay
if i was just myself
then i could say

things are not good
but to everyone else they are great
i hate this life
i hate this fate

i can never be myself
and show how i really feel
cuz that would mean the end of my marriage
and that would be too unreal

so i will keep pretending
and catching my wife watching me like a hawk
and making sure that i don't show any symptoms
so that their lives can be happy
and so that i am not to blame
and so that i am not accused of ruining theirs
so that my wife
my selfish wife
doesn't have to go into crisis mode
trying to fix me
trying to make me what she needs me to be
i don't know how she feels
i don't even care at this point
cuz i am being selfish
and spending time alone
while she is at work
thank god
she is at work
i can be myself
and for a short time
that is okay

[bluekoi]

Anonymous32896, Thanks for sharing your poetry!