[Clinte89]

That is the question, wether tis nobler to grab it by the horns or to let it fly away.

A little modified Shakespeare for you today. What I mean is should I embrace my current yet unfortunate mental instability or should I let it go and consume me. That is indeed the question. Should I fight it and hide like I always do or should I instead let my emotions run free.

how to determine this? I must protect the others but its making me want to explode. What to do what to do.

[faerie_moon_x]

^^^ this. You're the knight, it's the monser. Fight it head on!

[Clinte89]

Thanks dark heart. So one for fighting and in a way hiding my emotion back to sve the others.

[BlueInanna]

Protect the others from... you? Must protect yourself too...
Can you fight and let out your emotions? In a safe way?

[Clinte89]

Not without my parents going batty on me. They are always like let's go to the doc now when sometimes I just need to let myself be looney

[BlueInanna]

I vote for go looney, but be SAFE and don't hurt yourself.

[treehugger727]

Hi Clinte! Long time (for me anyway)

I say feel. Let it go. Sometimes you need to. The weight of holding back can do so much damage sometimes. Just be careful and kind to yourself.

a looney late now.. will be a looney later on...

maybe even loonier!

oops

[BlueInanna]

sometimes a looney is just a looney

[Clinte89]

I suppose your right ill just be looney and see what happens I bet ill be happier that way.

[faerie_moon_x]

Fight but don't hide. Overcome, don't let it devour you or anyone around you. Acknowledge it, but don't let it rule you.

[Darth Bane]

we are young... we got like all the time in the world to spend.... just endure...just exist... maybe tomorrow you'll find your way home....

I've been down and I'm wondering why
These little black clouds
Keep walking around with me, with me

It wastes time and I'd rather be high
Think I'll walk me outside and buy a rainbow smile
But be free, they're all free

So maybe tomorrow, I'll find my way home
So maybe tomorrow, I'll find my way home

[Darth Bane]

I look around at a beautiful life
I've been the upper side of down, been the inside of out
But we breathe, we breathe

I wanna breeze and an open mind
I wanna swim in the ocean
Wanna take my time for me, all me

So maybe tomorrow, I'll find my way home
So maybe tomorrow, I'll find my way home

[Clinte89]

Thanks bane that seems like a pretty cool song. It makes a good bit of sense.

[manicminer]

Never let it consume you. Then you've lost the battle. Sure its going to always be a part of who you are, but you can never let it define you. That will only lead to a deep dark place.

I deal a lot with this same thing. I have always chosen to stuff it down and protect those around me. that's why it always comes as a big shocker to my wife when I am honest with pdoc and he ups my meds. "I thought you were just fine" she would say. It's really not fair to those around us to do that. Not if you want their support, that is. Not if you want them involved in what is really happening with you.

No... they don't need protecting. they are big boys and girls... they can handle it. of course, I am a total hypocrite for saying this to you, cuz I still protect my family from me and my insanity. but it's the right thing to do to let them in.

i have on here, and that is huge for me. a place to be as honest as I can be. to my own detrimint a lot of times lol.

so... My vote would be reasonable protectiveness with the ability to talk and let the family in when you need the help.

does that make sense?

[manicminer]

I've accepted it as a part of who I am. Not anything to be scared of, ashamed of, constantly concerned with, just another part of me. Just like my back problems, just like my Catholic upbringing, just like the skills and leadership I gained while on the road to Eagle Scout.

Its all just another part of who I am. I don't let my Catholic faith define me; there's a lot of the teachings and dogma I dont agree with. I try to live by the Scout Law, but I can't always be thrifty, brave, clean, and reverent.

In this same way I dont let bipolar define me. Sure I have the terrible thoughts running through my mind, but I usually keep them to myself and dont let them control my actions. I've shared my dx with all my co-workers. We even joke about it.

Nothing like coming into work a little agitated, and the first thing you hear from a coworker is, "Oh, today's not the day is it? I thought you were gonna tell us to wear red. I'm your buddy right? Your gonna let my go when you go postal on the place right?" hahahah

[Clinte89]

Well I have decided to open up and be honest with them as this is driving me mad.

[manicminer]

Good to hear, Clinte

[Clinte89]

Well He dropped me from 200mg of lamictal to 50mg and upped stelazine to 20mg at night from 15.