[squishygoboom]

Hello Everyone,

I am new to these forums and I was just recently diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. The psychiatrist didn't specify which type of Bipolar, but I am assuming it is Bipolar II Disorder since to my knowledge, I have never had a manic episode. I was diagnosed after being misdiagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder after spending some time in the hospital for Postpartum Depression. Apparently, one of the hallmarks of undiagnosed Bipolar Disorder is Postpartum Depression. I actually work in the mental health field and I am a graduate student studying Clinical and Counseling Psychology so I know about the various Mood Disorders, including Bipolar, so I find it interesting to be experiencing and learning about it at the same time. I have had problems with depression since I was a teenager though and in hindsight now that I have been diagnosed, I had also been struggling with hypomania--excessive spending, an increase in goal-directed activities that would drop off as soon as the hypomanic phase ended (which caused problems with me being seen as unreliable...I often agreed to take on more projects than I could handle), extreme irritability, and flight of ideas etc. I believe I am Rapid Cycling but I am not going to self-diagnose and I am going to discuss this with my therapist. Currently, I am struggling to pay off $5,000 worth of credit card while being a stay at home mom because I can't afford daycare because of the debt and I can't handle much stress at the moment without it causing me a great deal of anxiety (to the point where I can't function properly). Before the baby was born, I had started reducing my debt, I managed to pay most of it off, then spent $3-4,000 and put myself right back where I was. The excessive spending is what I struggle with the most (besides the depressive episodes which are absolutely awful).

How do you deal with a lack of support? One day, I was trying to talk to my mom about how depressed I felt (I had been so depressed that I had been cutting at this point; I've stopped now and I am not in danger.) and on one hand she's telling me that I can come talk to her anytime I need to and on the other, she's telling me that I need to "snap out of it" and stop being selfish because there's more important things we need to worry about. When I was in the hospital, she came to visit me and asked me how I was enjoying my mini vacation. Now, the easiest thing to do would be to ignore her, but unfortunately, I live with her because of my money problems. I think she triggers my depression and I've tried talking to her about it in a nice way and wording it so that I'm not blaming her, but she just gets angry and says it's not her fault that I have mental problems. She doesn't really understand Bipolar and I'm afraid to really go into depth with her because than she says that I'm coming up with excuses and again, I need to snap out of it and stop thinking about myself. I really have no idea how to deal with her anymore

[BlueInanna]

Hi and welcome. Family is hard to live with, many here can relate. Can u write her a letter of the way u felt when she said those things? And give examples of what would feel more supportive to you? This way, you express the stuff as your feelings so she doesn't hopefully go too defensive. And this way you state what u need in a way she has time to think about it all. May as well try to make the relationship better. I suppose I deal with lack of support in real life by spending time here, maybe it will help u too.

[Darth Bane]

Welcome !!!

of course she knows how to make you mad... and worse thing is she must be thinking that she is actually helping you.... but the fact is she is never gonna change her ways... she is too old to do that.. you just need to pay of your debts and move out of there....

I too have Bipolar II.... know how you feel... no manic episodes except sometimes we are very excited... but always there is this depression lurking somewhere in your mind!!!

[sugahorse1]

For me, these forums have been a great support. Close friends are very good too, just choose wisely who you wish to divulge to, and be careful not to overwhelm just a few individuals. If you are still very new to this all, you could look into local support groups in your area.

Like I said - feel free to ask away; we'll keep you company

Sounds a lot like my mom. "We support you, we support you" then in the next breath tears me down in a nasty, terrible way. It's kinda like they can't make up their minds. They say that they are there, but when it comes down to it, it's like they are only there out of obligation and that they really don't want to be there. Couldn't really be there in a supportive fashion even if they tried really hard. It's just, they have to be able to go around saying they did everything that they could to all their friends and anyone they talk to about it. They have to say that they were soooooo supportive an look where it got them. It's more about image with my parents and it sounds like yours too. ......

Ugh. Rant over.

[faerie_moon_x]

She sounds a lot like my dad....

When I was a teen he would say to talk to him if I was having trouble. But then when I'd tell him I was stressed out and depressed he'd say: "What do you have to be stressed about? You're just a kid." and "Everyone is depressed, that's just the way it is." So... yeah, he was depressed too, but never did anything about it.

So for me, I just kind of stop trying to get support. Every so often I forget and reach out to people, and get the whoel "pitty pot" or "excuses" or "snap out of it" thing. That always puts me back and reminds me, that like 95% of people don't care and don't want to care and don't understand and never will....

So, seek support elsewhere. This forum is my support group, really. A good T and doctor are good, too.

[~Christina]

I have my Pdoc . My T. And here, these are the only places I can be completely honest, I love this place and all the wonderful people.

Welcome to PC I hope you find us helpful

[knowswatcher]

Welcome. This is a good place to learn. Maybe your family members could join to learn how to support you? I'm here for my husband and it has helped me understand more about his diagnosis and how to deal with it.

other people have given you some good suggestions. you can find something that might help.
good luck

[tcmoon52]

I think it is very important to look for support in area's where we can get it. It would be best to lower your expectations of your mom. Looking to her for support is like going to a empty well to get water, it's not going to happen. I would see if there is a NAMI or DBSA in your area, you may find some support there. I would suggest only discussing your Mental problems with a therapist or Psychiatrist, for me it has just been to frustrating to talk to anyone else, they just don't understand. Forums like this are great, here is where I come. I would stick to generic answers for your Mom, like I am just dealing with my illness, or I am just trying to do what my Psychiatrist tells me too.

[squishygoboom]

Thank you everyone for your welcoming replies. Yes, my mother has always been difficult to deal with, but she's the kind of person "damned if you do, damned if you don't"--she gets insulted if I don't talk to her, but she tears me down if I do try and talk to her.

Fortunately, my dad and my fiance are very supportive and they try to understand what is going on. I am seeing a therapist, but I have just started with her, so I am unsure if she will be a good support system for me or not. I have yet to find a therapist that I have really connected with, so I am still looking. It just gets so frustrating with my mom. She's so judgmental and so quick to pass mental illness off as an excuse.

I am working on getting rid of these bills. I have handed my credit cards over to my dad, so hopefully once I get my tax return, they will be gone. I have a pending job offer so that will hopefully also put me on the right track. Besides dealing with my mom, I am also dealing with adjusting to the new medications. Before I received the Bipolar diagnosis, they thought I had Major Depressive Disorder and put me on Zoloft. Now, I'm on Topamax (aka Dopamax ugh) as a mood stabilizer because I tend to binge eat and I feel absolutely awful most of the time. My head just feels so foggy all the time and I have headaches most of the day. The psychiatrist is also planning on putting me on another mood stabilizer this Friday. I am trying to keep up with my schoolwork while taking care of the baby. Has anyone else had trouble adjusting to their medication? I've been on it for about 2 weeks now? Do I need to wait longer to get used to it? Any tips for adjusting?

Thanks again everyone

[Anneinside]

My mother can't even say "bipolar". The last time I was hospitalized I called her to tell her that I couldn't come for 4th of July. She said, "Is it your thing again?"....My thing. Needless to say, we can't talk about anything related to bipolar.